at 11:47 your breathing
dropped slow
a sandbag underwater
drifting

I could hear the seaweed beneath your chest
my ear against the thin layer of skin
a raft protecting me from those
dark depths full of mystery
and angel fish

I couldn't imagine
diving
then we had that talk
the air was making my fingers stiff
I paced the sidewalk
and you were 20,000 leagues
under the sea

But I know there is a treasure chest
full of books
all hand written
by you
all that emotion, all those thoughts
they have to go somewhere

12:53
When you move to your side
I slide back to
land
my eyes filled with salt
from keeping them open
at your side

that's fine
I like blue
at night --I'm just the buoy
dipping and bobbing
in your arms

dreaming about the day
we can swim to shore and
ring out our shirts
and let the sun
brown our dried out skin

Each time you turn and walk away
I find myself searching
for the sunny days
I know
once ran through my veins.  
Until I wish
I could dip my fingers
into the places
where your teeth bit into my heart
once again.

I think of all those conversations
where I believed
that every shadow
lying on the floor
made our lives exciting.  
Like an ocean of wine
one drinks within a dream
full of memories,
capturing all
we have been fighting.

Reality seems to lie inside
everything I forget
about loving you
when it blends inside my heart
then hides.
And I can't tell
what is black or white
each time you walk away
and leave me feeling
only........
gray inside.

I didn't cry or anything.
I hadn't talked to him in years.
But I couldn't shake the question:
Could I have prevented it?

I had thought to contact him,
show him someone cared.
He had always been insecure,
always had a spot in my heart.

But I brushed the thought aside
like a stray hair across my face.
And yet, I still can't help thinking
that *I could have changed things.