Existence is a battle,
you fight or you die.
Existence is conquering,
making others serve you.
Whether it's people
or it's things,
earth must be bent,
bent to your will,
just to survive.
Water is stolen,
Creatures are killed.
All for a simple,
a fleeting,
a miserable
existence.

So that is existence,
but it is not life.

Life is a peace,
built in others.
Life is surrender,
a turning in.
Whether it's people
or it's things,
life is giving,
providing for others.
Water is lent.
Creatures lay down.
All for another,
all a sacrifice,
all for love.

For love is life.

I had you in a dream once,
it wasn't very long.
The details escape me,
but your taste,
remembered longingly.
It was all that I got,
A slight brushing of lips,
not a real kiss.
Not even a full dream,
that's as far as we got.
Before we both turned away
and reality interrupted.

Two years ago that fantasy was,
but the play of dreamlight,
the subtle upturn of your
lips is still fresh in my mind.
The familiar fit of
your hand in mine.

Familiar fit?
But it's never happened,
not in reality.
Probably not even
as a thought
of yours
playing across
an unknown destiny.
No impossible thoughts
for you to sink in.

Drown in.

So if this is so far
from real
then why is it
a preoccupation,
obsession,
that takes my every moment?
A long infected **** of blue,
that's covering,
conquering,
every facet of my mind?

I pride myself a strong
detached man.
Society begs it,
but who am I kidding?
When thoughts turn to you
my flesh is no good,
it only ***** around,
like so much cloth.
It realizes futility,
and refuses direction.

It disobeys me.
It betrays me.
It begins with convulsions,
a wracking of shoulders,
It ends with subtle gesture,
a trail of new tears.

Oh how I long.
The memory of that
        yes only a memory of it
strong embrace ebbs
        rolling unknown tide
at the edge of my mind.
        it's been so long so long
Had I known that it would be
my last touch
        fingers running first softly down her arm
I would have never let go,
        then hungrily faintly grasping her fingers
pulled with all my force,
        slowly slipping
leaving no doubt in
        we both finally turned away
either mind
that this
was real.

Scaling walls,
attackers cry out,
shout,
with hate-twirled love.

Arrayed in haste,
defending spears ******.
They must,
finding targets in the haze.

The fortress is impregnable,
its walls miles abreast.
A nest,
snugly holding him inside.

The ruler surveys alone,
sees the death,
forgetting his breath.
Sometimes he wishes

that his defenses were overrun.

I forgot you once.

I was Free.

Your brown loving eyes
became only mud.

The curves of your body
ceased to be the shadowed rolling hills
that I was once lost in.

I was Free.

I forgot you once,
but it never happened again.