it wasn't really that cold
but i pretended
and you went along
so you turned all the lights out
in the house
and came to bed
and after,
you had fallen asleep
and i got up...
the floors creaked
and it was so ******* cold
my feet ached
and i got up
to write
and listened to sad records
and pulled on my sweater
and wrote nothing

and it's so god-**** cold i can't breathe
i want you to know that i want you to be
here when i wake up, in case we both freeze.
i pull you closer, for warmth, to me
and i want you to know that i want you
my sweet whispers like chimes in the breeze.

you get me
and that's not true
at all
and every time i say
the stuff that makes me
me
you scowl
or roll your eyes
let's fumble through the *** part
and get it over with
1 ****
i don't need your life story
i don't need a date to prom
you get me
is it true?
at all?
i just need you
to validate the parts of me
that make me
me
when i speak
you seem uninvolved
or somewhere else
let's just stumble to the *** part
my hands on you,
your hands on me
1 good ****
i don't need reality
i don't need you
you get me–
you don't get me
at all
and you can't find love
in a bathroom stall

my eyes were wide open
when you pulled the trigger
but i said love like i meant it
so all is fair
my pockets were empty
when you put the barrel to my head
but you said love like you meant it
so...

and it's figurative
or metaphor
so it's not as serious
but just as dangerous
because i gave you the gun
and all of the bullets
and i said love
and i meant it
so all is fair
so shoot
point blank in my face

my eyes will be wide open
when you pull the trigger
but i say love like i mean it
so all is fair

fingers on fabric
electric and prickly
rigid with tension
excitement without limit

the whole time
i was thinking directly of this
the nerves don't shake
like i suspected they would

you wanted louder
so i increased the volume
and let my emotions fend for themselves
you wanted softer
so i released my fists
and took blows that i did not deserve
you wanted more
so i stopped speaking
and let so many things slide
that i would not have tolerated before
but you asked & asked
and my love for you
would not let me refuse
so i became
less of me
and more like
your idea of me…

you wanted true love for ever
so i said okay
and now i hide behind your ideals

mortality is beautiful
like a fragile bird
on a floral print
or a bandage on a wound

the truth is always tangled
up like vines
with the untrue

but mortality won’t lie
or turn away its glance
mortality is beautiful
like knowing a sad ending
and smiling anyways