they said "alone is bad."
by myself i find peace.

what does a house become
if left unattended?
en empty shell,
darkened inside,
a place where emptiness takes root
and grows,
slowly destroying
the hopes and dreams of the builder
from the inside.
black windows look out
as dead eyes of a corpse
stare at the abyss,
unmoving,
uncaring.
it is a house without a soul.

i used to do it all the time,
as a child, i could not stop,
but had to move at a constant break-neck pace.
i would race my brother,
even though i knew he would win.
but i would run anyway.
somewhere, i gave up,
when i couldn't win,
was no longer the fastest,
and it became clear that i was built for other things.
now, i run to reclaim what i lost
so many years ago.
i run to stay in shape,
to avoid the fate of my father,
to feel the joy again, as i did when small,
of running for the sake of it.

there is no word
to sum up all that you were -
there is only the music
you loved so much,
that will stay on as a reminder
to the rest of us
that life should be cherished,
always,
and lived with the fullness
of the music that played in your heart.

i love the way you know me,
what buttons to push,
and when,
and how i'll respond to each one,
to get the ultimate pleasure
out of every moment
of sweet blissful agony,
how i will barely be able to contain myself,
maybe resist making an unplanned trip to the bathroom -
maybe not,
my heart beating faster,
anticipation my new drug,
brought on by your quiet relentlessness,
touching my soul gently,
deftly,
ensuring my utmost attention
to your every word,
as my world expands and contracts at the same time,
guided by your unseen hand
as it plucks my mind,
stirring my imagination
and my *****.

i greet the morning,
standing tall,
feet firm on the ground,
a slow great breath beginning deep inside,
releasing the dreamscape
as i bow gracefully to the waking sun.
breathe: in, then out,
slow and peaceful as the sun warms my body
and my hands meet the ground,
supporting my body as the blood begins to move
through my hips and into my legs again,
muscles becoming alive through simple movements,
then down and up,
my face worshiping the heavens
as my heart moves towards the sun,
offering the day,
receiving the welcome of the morning in return.

it begins with a single look,
at once beautiful and frightening,
drawing me in,
looking through me to my innermost desires,
sensing them,
knowing me as intimately as possible,
laying bare my soul
before there is even a touch.
and then,
simply,
she leans in, whispering in my ear,
"you are Mine."
and i am.