I remember a life before you.
Feeling joy.
Experiencing pain.
Feelings happiness upon my fingertips
in my hair
and on my tongue.

I remember a life before you.
Friends I cherished.
A past behind me.
A dream spread out in front of me
just inches
from my grasp.

I remember a life before you.
Always searching.
Looking ceaselessly.
Always hoping a person like you
would walk
into my life.

I remember a life before you.
Feeling full.
Looking inward.
Trying to figure myself out
through good choices
and some wrong.

But then you came.

And I erased the before,
the middle,
and the after.

But then you came.

And I never imagined
there'd be
a "just me" again.

But then you came.

Colors brighter,
songs more beautiful,
the world more vibrant.

But then you came.

And then you left.

"I am stronger."
I tell myself
Every day
But do I say it
Because I mean it-
Do I say it
Because it's the truth-
Or do I say it
Because it's what everyone else wants to hear.
I don't know
I really don't know

i
once
imagined
that loving people
meant they'd love you

i
once
imagined
that if you told the truth
that truth would be given in return

i
once
imagined
that loyalty met loyalty
and good intentions would never be taken as fake

i
once
imagined
that forgiveness should be freely given
and your heart would swell with happiness

i
once
imagined
that best friends, family, and real love
always stayed

i
once
imagined
that words were outwardly expressions
of the things we felt within our hearts

i
once
imagined
that good deeds were only met
by other good deeds

i
once
imagined
that the endless stream of memory-making
would never end

but i learned the world can be harsh
it can rip up your dreams
scatter them to the winds
and make you believe you can't keep going

but i learned that fate
isn't always so kind
and people don't always take you
for face value

but i learned that people will believe
whatever it is they want to believe
to make themselves feel better
or to justify their bad behavior

but what i also learned
is that i still believe in love
i still believe in being honest
i still believe in loyalty
i still believe in being a good person
i still believe in dreaming
and i still believe there are people out there
that will agree

once there was a White Knight
who stole away my fears
rode a mare called Dignity
out of thin air he appeared

once there was a White Knight
equal in loyalty as in compassion
he slayed the dragons inside my heart
in the humblest of known fashion

once there was a White Knight
with a past as black as night
who had become the best all on his own
and now claimed every fight

once there was a White Knight
who sang lullabies in my ear
countless hours in fields of poppies
when he held me, called me Dear

once there was a White Knight
always coming to my aid
taught me about love and its function
never asking to be paid

once there was a White Knight
who never really said goodbye
a court of fools he called friends
stood by like ramparts where he could hide

once there was a White Knight
who still professed to care
said he still respected my person
and that if I must call, he would be there

once there was a White Knight
but now he exists no more
potions, mirrors, black screens
lie scattered across the floor

once there was a White Knight
but now I bid him take his leave
because I've discovered the only Knight I need
is the Knight that's inside of me

i tried to cut you out
like cancer
like a tumor
like a part that could be cut

i tried to forget you
like a memory
like a love gone by
like what I ate yesterday for lunch

i tried to breathe you out
like my cigarette smoke
like the words I speak
like the frustrations I let out

i tried to imagine you out
like my life was a fairytale
and I was never caught in this dark wood
and you were never the wolf

but somewhere you're still beating
and it breaks apart my chest
and each night I sit remembering
is another night of endless unrest

and sometimes even thinking of you
makes my thoughts come out in rhyme
and i toss
and turn
with memories
of so much stupid time
- i spent
laying in your arms
or holding you
in mine
and believing in every second
that you'd never run
or lie

but you did lie
over and over
and i took it with grains of salt
and i gave out forgiveness
like it was never
ever
your fault

and now I'm left with
nothing
besides this bad taste
i can't shake
writing poems
contemplating
how much of you is fake

I once believed in you
Like a promise that could never be broken
Like a song that could never be unsung
Like a grief that could not be undone

I once believed in you
When you spoke to me of forevers
Cried and said you’d never leave
Lifted me out of my self-destruction

I once believed in you
When you spoke profusely of love
When you wiped my tears unceasingly
When you told me I made you whole

I once believed in you
When you made me believe that I was family
When you gave me a home
When you wrapped me in your arms

I once believed in you
When you swore to always fight
To keep pushing each other forward
And to never let one another be anything less

I once believed
And maybe that was my biggest mistake
For how was I to know
You were not a man at all

I once believed
Then you hit me like a hurricane
Spouting lies, and falsities, and blunders
That never even occurred

I once believed
You were strong in your convictions
A man of principal and power
A real blessing in disguise

I once believed
You’d sit down with me and talk
Listen to what I had to say
And realize my heart was pure

I once believed
But each day that becomes more and more like a memory
When I see you are not the man
I thought you to be at all

I once believed
You loved me
But now
I’m not sure if I believe in that at all