Last night I let you in,
more than normal.
I let you in because I see you.

I see you,
but do you see me?

I know, I know, I am not supposed to love you,
not supposed to think about you.

Yet, my lips they yearn for yours
to meet as often as the sea meets the shore

I know, I am not supposed to love you,
but your eyes pull me
your heart is a beat i love to dance to
and your person, well is a person I have to try not to love

and much like the rest of the world
I
am not supposed to love you.

Into the toxicity of your mind
The crafted words from your soft lips
To someone without my ears
To someone with your heart

Into the poisonous of your arms  
Which are now holding someone without my body
Touching skin that is not mine
And elating feelings that for me no longer exist

Into your lethal heart
That used to beat for me
Now beats a rhythm I cannot longer dance to
And holds a song I no longer sing

Into your veneered eyes
The longing look of love
Straining to peer at eyes that are not mine
Answered by someone without my pupils

How I long for insight into your mind
A mind I no longer care for
But still yearn for validation from
A mind for which is no longer vacant for me

A day without you,
Is like a day without land

But I bought this boat,
I said goodbye

I am not allowed to yearn,
For the grass under my feet

I told the grass and trees,
I don’t want them anymore

So here I am,
At sea

But sometimes those waves,
That once rocked me to sleep

Ya those waves I wanted,
Instead of leaves

They crash over me,
Until I cant breath

And I cry out for land,
Just to steady me

But the land isn’t there,
Because I said no more

And the sea is endless,
And there is no shore

So Ill sail away,
Until tomorrows end

Because the land I need,
I told to leave.

I am force fed mud,
and expected to create water.
Surrounded by darkness,
and told to be the light.
I am deceived,
only to spill the truth.
I am what you made me:
very, very flawed.

I did not do it for you,
punch that mirror,
slice my hand open,
which is now stitched up.

I did it for me,
to get through to the reflection,
to inform them,
they are better without you.

I did not do it for you,
I did it for the hand attached to me,
because it will never know
the pain of being alone.

I did it for me,
So I could justify my crying,
I wasn't some stupid girl,
Upset over a boy.

I didn't do it for you,
I promise,
I did it for me,
I love to hurt.

Fresh and cold,
Traces of others are left behind,
                                Warm from someone else’s body.
     Bright green and pungent,
                                        Rows and rows of structure.
              Arms stretched out inviting you in,
                   Desks buckle you in for your journey,
          Constrained in the sea of green,
One amongst a hundred.
           Smells of sweet and pungent fill your nostrils,
                         Making you queasy,
                  Reminding you, you are not the first,
      Nor the last.
                All facing the same structure,
     Illuminated by rows and rows of lights,
Empty wooden U- shaped chairs stare back,
Blank screens stare to the rows and rows of green.
            A clock reminds you of life,
           It slowly ticks
You wonder when this ticking will stop,
        And you too will be just part of the structure.
   Imagine this room flooded,
No with water,
    Nor a basic organic matter,
     But faces like daisies peeking up,
To try and get some of that light.
Complex and curious,
The green does not move,
But calls for the movement of others,
Pleading for you to get closer to the light,
To the blank,
That is center stage.
Trapped in green,
You cannot move,
Arms incase you,
Desks control you,
And this light,
It has captured you.

I was a triangle.
Three sided.
Predictable.

I thought you were too.
Three sided.
Predictable.

Two triangles.
A diamond.
Perfect.

One side.
Happiness.
Sunshine.

Second Side.
Sadness.
Raining.

Third Side.
Lust.
Sunsets.

You were a circle.
One side.
Forever.

Around and around.
Disguised.
Infinite.

I am sick and tired of you talking about other girls
Calling them weird and ugly and fake
When it is you who slathers on the makeup
Hiding behind false beauty

I am tired of overhearing you calling a girl fat
Because she is not a size two
When it is you who starved yourself
To look as you do today

I am done with you walking like you have a stick up your ***
Pretentiously scavenging the halls for your next target
When it is you who has been the target as of late
And you pay no mind

I am appalled by your arrogance
Telling professionals they have no right to tell you how to live
When they can see where you are heading
For you are not as original as you seem

I am sorry for how sad you must be
Constantly looking inward
When all you find is an empty abyss
Peering back at you

I am apologetic for what you have to go through
Constantly fighting battles that are far beyond your years
When they are far bigger then you
And anything you can do

Most of all
I am content
That we are not longer friends
No longer yearning for
When all you could tell me
Was how bad I was.

You don’t know this
But I sat at the top of the stairs
Listening to you and your brother

Chatter on about school
And play
Making noises
Just to make each other giggle

Two boys in a room
Not a spectacular sight
But listen
Listen and you’ll see

Simplistic moments like these
Are what we live for
To make our brothers laugh

To have slumber parties
Even on a weeknight
Because, well, he is your brother

And as I sit down the stairs
I miss my sister
And the way she makes me laugh

And how I am never embarrassed
Never worried about her reaction
Because this nightly talking thing
These falling asleep ambiguous babbles

Is love.

I would brush my hair thrice a day
For her, my love
And with every stroke
I would sing the song she is so fond of.

I tie it in a dark blue ribbon
That reminds me of her,
I would walk for days
To smell her salty lure

Whistling winds steadily blow
Each strand of hair
Into a whirlwind
In the summer air

She caresses our hull
And we meet her
With open arms
We collide in a perilous blur

Her fingers engulf us
Wrapping and curling
Around the island of hope
That is now as worthless as tarnished sterling.

I feel her gently nuzzle my toes
dandle my ankles and past
She blanketed my body
And I held steadfast

Her icy touch gave me chills
And I looked to the mast
Strong and anchored
To a ship that would not last

As my last breath disappeared
I saw my hair
Floating in the whirlwind
That is now in the sea’s care.

And after all that
I say my last prayer
For not one to hear
And no one to bear.

Green and White
Shining so bright.

Cascades of culture,
Blowing in the summer breeze
As canvas blows from sails
And seagulls squawk at the docks.

Small town comfort
In the mist of a harsh winter.
Fireplaces roar like lions,
As the town is enlighten by the tree.

As the auburn colors appear,
In a painted autumn,
Buildings of years past stand tall,
With a hundred years of memories.

When daffodils sprout,
And spring arrives,
The graves of the ancestors past,
Become full of flowers.

For even back then,
Green and White,
Would shine so bright.

It’s the cold snow that falls on that dark day,
Claiming to replenish the barren earth,
Only nourishing the whirl wind that engulfs you.

It’s the hot sun on a summer day,
Wanted to get hotter and hotter,
As your skin peels and burns.

It’s the hope that gets you to go to prom alone,
And as you dance to that song, you see all the happy faces,
Happy together, as you are left in despair and alone.

It’s a mother crying over her stillborn child,
Whom she will never know,
Yet loves as though she had.

It’s the love that I will never have,
That leaves me yearning for the intangible,
Barely making it through this world built for two.

I don't like it when poems are long
When poems are long and keep going
on and on

I don't like it when poems are long
because my brain begins to think of a song
and then a hippopotamus twirling and whirling around

When poems keep going on and on
my mind cannot stand another stanza
and then the lion pops into my head

The lion that tells me this is gonna be long
that this poem is as vast as the sea
and nor you or I will be able to flee

I don't like it when poems are long
unless of course they are written into a song
will hippopotamuses dancing

Unless that poem is intriguing
with life and color and passion
with feeling and being and desire

excuse me?
But I do not like it when poems are long
unless they are good and they are strong

The waves go marching two by two
In the deep ocean blue
As the whale splashes and spews
Yet, The waves go marching two by two

The waves go marching two by two
As the whale splashes and spews
And seagulls cry and the wind too
Yet, The waves go marching two by two


The waves go marching two by two
As the seagulls cry and the wind too
And a child rowing in his canoe,
Yet, the waves go marching two by two

The waves go marching two by two
And a child is rowing in his canoe,
Where the waters are big and ado,
Yet, the waves go marching two by two

The waves go marching two by two
Where the waters are big and ado,
And the ocean vast and a child subdue,
Yet, the waves go marching two by two

The waves go marching two by two,
And the ocean vast and a child subdue,
As a child’s last cry and the sea brews
Yet, the waves go marching two by two

The waves go marching two by two
As a child’s last cry and the sea brews
A child dies in the deep ocean blue
Yet, the waves go marching two by two

As the sun is setting on this fragment of a day,
I feel that ping of the guilt in my soul,
For I have not been truthful to who I truly am.

I hid like a zebra being hunted by a ferocious lion,
Hoping the tall reeds will blanket my soul,
And hide my secrets from revealing themselves.

This guilt throbs in the underbelly of my being,
You have never done me wrong,
You do not deserve a child like this.

One day my true being will be revealed,
I fear when that day comes you will not want me,
For I have deceived you for so long.

The life you gave me no longer wants to thrive,
For I have become the criminal in the story I wrote,
Yet you still see me as the pure soul I once was.

As this sun sets I will come clean,
Trying to hold back my tears,
I will tell of my truest sins.

When night comes,
I think of you.

Laying your head down,
for life has strained you.

A shadow mirrored next to you,
an unused pillow.

This is when I wish,
that I had enough courage.

I hope one day,
you will think of me.

Until that day comes,
i’ll be the shadow.

Where did the human race take a turn for the worst?


The words will not come
and I scavenge my brain
for the answer.

The question gnaws on me
and I look for the hidden X
that will unlock the treasure.

I return to my chair
without answer
without a map

Once again I ask myself
the professor’s question
and come up empty

I begin to ask myself
rethink my upbringing
those treacherous times

those unanswered questions
passive antics
silence

I am called on
“With me”
the class erupts in laughs

I get up to leave
walk home
and finally have an answer.