Where do I pour all of my love,
Now that you're gone?
I'm stuck believing I shouldn't have walked
Away

Life is painful when
You sit back and you really look at it
What are you?

You make me feel
Emotionally
Inferior

Time has passed and I'm...

Very happy with where I am

G r i e v i n g  p e r i o d
*That is what we'll call this

Everything about everything makes
me want to **** myself

not the right time to be worrying
your mind has other things to focus on
help yourself and find a relief
to change how you think

Listen to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart while
Looking through psychedelic art
You'll find it
Quite the experience

My heart loves unhealthily.
It doesn't know when to stop
Or what lines shouldn't
Be crossed.

I could fall
In love with you a
Million times

(( it will be four

years in july))

Where do you go?
When you don't know what you want

I lost a friend this year.
He was close to my heart.
Sometimes I still don't believe he's really gone, it's been hard for me to part.
He was my companion, my best friend, the one who greeted me with love and kisses.
Who played and walked by my side and kept me safe and was always there to listen.
I'll miss him forever. I love him always.
Not a day goes by without a thought of him.
The loss of a pet is so, so painful. Life is truly turned upside down without them there. Everything is wrong and sad and lonely. I would do anything to bring you back. You were the sweetest little angel. And I'm so sorry. I love and miss you and pray you're doing well..

I live in the past.
That's my problem.
My memory is haunting.
The memories with you make me sick and sad and feel broken
Which leaves me feeling all the more alone in the places we
Once were together; Happy and so full of love and of
Life

That feeling came back today..

my words mean a lot to me
just to write them down
even if
there's really not a whole
lot to them

Thankful because I am healthy.
Thankful because I have a family that cares about me.
Thankful for a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in.
Thankful for not needing to worry about my next meal, and having the food to fill me full.
Thankful for the luxuries I can have and others don't.
Thankful for the freedom to do what makes me happy.
Thankful for good luck spurts that push me toward my goals.
Thankful for kind people and being shown there are more important things than what you sometimes see.

Anything to fill this void

There will be someone  
Willing
To
Save
You

You don't listen to what I have to say
So I come here

sleep
to give yourself a break
to forget for a while
to dream of better things
and living your life in the unconscious state
that you've been wanting to feel again for so long

life always
has a plan
and a way of working things out better
in the end

Beginning my quest into darkness

The coming of late night

I know it's about the time

I will fall and fall and fall

To the pit of sorrow

And guilt

Every word I ever said, ever heard

Will force itself into the space behind my eyes

Causing the same ache

That is repeated immeasurably

Thoughts forcing their way out

By bruising the inside of my skull

Something I will always feel

I wish that I could appreciate
Every second of my life as well
As be happy in every moment.
There's so much to love and experience
But I'm too in my own mind that
I miss out on what's happening
Just being unhappy

i fail to please the people i care about

I need to let go,
Fully let go.

You still left me.
I did everything to please you.
Everything was for you.
I took the extra time on my makeup so it was flawless in your presence.
An extra half hour of killing and taming my hair so it
Looked like beauty queen material
Just to hear you call me beautiful
And look at me the way you did when
You really felt good to be around me.
Several occasions, if you recall, I brought your favorite foods to you when you worked.
Just to see your face light up and
So you knew I would do anything to give you
What you wanted.
I don't remember a second I didn't spend
Thinking what more I could do for you.
I took three too many steps
Out of my comfort zone
Just to please you.
To give you what you wanted.
Even in my state of uncomfort,
I knew you still didn't care about my
Feelings. Truly care, anyways.
And all this time..
All this time of my extra efforts and going so far, far out of my way
You were still too selfish
To see past your small green eyes of confinement.
And I hope one day
You regret letting me leave.
You see how good I was to you.
Giving you the world and then some.
You were just too oblivious
To see what was good for you.
You let it go.
You let me go.
You kept wanting more and more.
And I didn't know what else could be done.
And I'm still sorry for not being able
To give you everything you
Wanted.
I hope one day you can
Feel the pain you
Put me through.

Content
Yoga class today
Finally perfected starbucks drink
To what I've been craving
For so long
House to myself
Cooking dinner
Listening to my favorite songs
As loudly
As I like
*Perfect

What was I thinking?

Life confuses me too much.
It's hard to accept how things really are,
Because they don't always make sense.

It's so difficult for me
To put all of my thoughts together
To be able to explain how I truly feel
About something

She still felt as blank
As the ceiling at which she's staring
She's alive, but feels absolutely nothing

fell apart
under you
over you
disgusted
by
me
doing what i thought
i wanted
i did want
but wrong timing
right timing
wrong thinking
you don't know what you want or
what's real

today i am grateful
for the losses and
hardships in my life
which have made me who
i am
and have brought me to where
i am now
with the people who are actually
good for me

I need to
Express
My emotions
Somewhere

I didn't know how it felt
To be someone's lust until
You showed me

There's a feeling I have for you
I think it's love and
Disgust and many other things that
I do not understand

I'm painfully weak

i can't go back to that place before you

help me i'm sad

i need to throw up my sadness
i feel it in my chest and in
my throat
always

Ever get that painful feeling in
Your chest
When you remember how
Alone you are?

you
will
get
better
when
you
stop
convincing
yourself
of
what
isn't
real

i look at you
and i feel at home
and when i look at you
my heart feels love and
warmth after all of
the cold it's been suffocating in

need a trip in
nature
away from people and technology
to heal

Why do I
Keep checking up on you
Only to upset myself
Why do I do that?

Finding words where I never thought to look

In the back of my mind they were always there

I just never knew how to make them surface

My mind has altered
Creating a writer's block
The medication I have stopped
To try to focus but
I can no longer write
For I am suffering a great loss
I hope to regain my mind again
So I can foolishly continue harming
What is behind my eyes

Her eyes speak fear
But her words speak love and
Peace and happiness
*She just doesn't know where
She will find them.

I have so much to look forward to,
My life hasn't even begun.