I have so much to look forward to,
My life hasn't even begun.

G r i e v i n g  p e r i o d
*That is what we'll call this

Thankful because I am healthy.
Thankful because I have a family that cares about me.
Thankful for a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in.
Thankful for not needing to worry about my next meal, and having the food to fill me full.
Thankful for the luxuries I can have and others don't.
Thankful for the freedom to do what makes me happy.
Thankful for good luck spurts that push me toward my goals.
Thankful for kind people and being shown there are more important things than what you sometimes see.

Day 5:
*Don't read sad poems.

Day 4:
*You appear in my dreams every night.

I live in the past.
That's my problem.
My memory is haunting.
The memories with you make me sick and sad and feel broken
Which leaves me feeling all the more alone in the places we
Once were together; Happy and so full of love and of
Life

Where do I pour all of my love,
Now that you're gone?
I'm stuck believing I shouldn't have walked
Away

I wish..
I wish you still showed me you care.
Or I wouldn't have decided to leave you behind.
Because when I left,
My heart stayed with you.

i fail to please the people i care about

Ever get that painful feeling in
Your chest
When you remember how
Alone you are?

i need to throw up my sadness
i feel it in my chest and in
my throat
always

i can't go back to that place before you

help me i'm sad

I'll be the
dawn on your worst
night

like
nothing
i've
had
before

something about a boy
with a lost soul that
captivates my heavy heart
telling me "save him"
before it's too late

i am the ocean
you the sky
with every wave and
every horizon
*we meet

Still waiting for the tomorrow that promised to be better

(( it will be four

years in july))

My problem is that I miss things. I miss everything currently not in the possession of when I want it. I miss him. And him, and him, and it, and my cat that died in August. I miss my friend, my friendships when they meant something to more than just me. Not being employed. Not having a boyfriend, wanting a boyfriend that would go to ends of the world for me. Believing in love childishly, having the ambitions not washed away by the unsuccessful people around me. I miss the feeling I got that day we went for breakfast before school one morning, such a careless, fun, unfamiliar feeling that describing can do no justice against. I sit in class or at home or at a stop light and I start to miss your presence next to me. Just that certain smell of you anywhere can send me places you couldn't grasp existing; the way you hold me in any form of the matter still lingers on my skin as your ghost when you leave. I feel you here when you aren't, much like a numb feeling, as if my body knows something isn't right, something is missing. There are a million things I could say I miss. The past, my memories, are hard to forget. They find a way to hide in small corners of my mind, to come out when they know I am especially vulnerable. I'm weak and small disguised by a deceptive body, tormented of each surfacing memory.

There will be someone  
Willing
To
Save
You

I look
For you
For
*Safety

Her eyes speak fear
But her words speak love and
Peace and happiness
*She just doesn't know where
She will find them.

I'm just a young girl.
I don't know anything.

I could fall
In love with you a
Million times

Don't say something
*if you mean something else

You don't listen to what I have to say
So I come here

I didn't know how it felt
To be someone's lust until
You showed me

i need to stop writing about you

Life is painful when
You sit back and you really look at it
What are you?

Where do you go?
When you don't know what you want

Maybe I'm just alone in my head and
The only way I can get what I want is
By believing I can get it from you

There's a feeling I have for you
I think it's love and
Disgust and many other things that
I do not understand

I need to
Express
My emotions
Somewhere

I
Lay with you
And
Want to be
Some place else

if only it were easier to travel
over oceans to be with you
to physically love you with the love
that's built up and overflowed into
the emptiness in me that consists of you
oh how i feel so empty
but so full of love when
it comes to you
and how meeting you would be an experience
one could die for because
i love you that much and i
wholeheartedly believe not many
can say that these days

i look at you
and i feel at home
and when i look at you
my heart feels love and
warmth after all of
the cold it's been suffocating in

You thought it was just a phase
To you, it's meaningless
And something I choose for attention
But you can't understand
How it feels to feel this way
All of the time
You can't escape it and
It becomes very real
You're trapped in your mind,
Madness and sadness
Nothing can really help because
The brainwashing is only temporary
And you're back to your normal
Depressed self

Those nights when
All you can feel is
The self pity drowning your
Entire mind
You're so alone and
Can't find any reason at all
To stick around
I'd be better off somewhere far
Away and nonexistent
Because that's all that I
Truly deserve

You complain that
I have nothing more to talk of
Rather than love
But what is there to talk about
When that's all my being wants?
*Love is all you need,
Then you can conquer the world

You make me feel
Emotionally
Inferior

I am eleven years old
I'm fat to every person I know
At this age, consciousness tells you the unsaid things
In someone's actions and on their face

I am twelve years old
I'm destroying my body
Because you've destroyed my mind
And make me feel things unreal

I am fourteen years old
I starve myself for three months
A bite a day keeps the weight away

I am fifteen years old
A toilet becomes your only friend
And a meal a nightmare
Because the food isn't staying down
You won't let it

I am sixteen years old
I'm no longer the fat thing you didn't care about
Now it's beauty you see
It's purely a shame
You don't know how I got this way
Because it was your fault
That made me numb and insane

I've wanted you to know for so long that I've loved you
That we had something beautiful that can be brought back
Your face, those kind eyes and smile that grasps the feelings made by a soft heart
Are something that will never be replaced in the same manner
But we can go away together
Create one world together, and love and love
And have what only someone can dream of
Because the reality we create together
Will be a dream we never want to leave

I sit here
Wrapped in a blanket
Loosely around my entire body
My face barely peaking out
I sit here
Curled in a ball
On this chair
With my head rested on the back
And I stare
Thinking of nothing but everything
To where my thoughts are blank
And my eyes are cold
Along with the heart that made me this way

oh the cliché of it all
how tiring

sleep
to give yourself a break
to forget for a while
to dream of better things
and living your life in the unconscious state
that you've been wanting to feel again for so long

not the right time to be worrying
your mind has other things to focus on
help yourself and find a relief
to change how you think

My mind has altered
Creating a writer's block
The medication I have stopped
To try to focus but
I can no longer write
For I am suffering a great loss
I hope to regain my mind again
So I can foolishly continue harming
What is behind my eyes

You are not right
Don't tell me that you are
Because all I do is right
And all you do is wrong
Forgive me when my temper flares
But you don't know what you're talking about
Since my mind is more forbade than yours
More relevant
Worth something beautiful
Though your discouraging words hurt me extently
You mean nothing
Don't waste your time
On an unchangeable mind