"Cardiomyopathy is a weakening of the heart muscle or another problem with the heart muscle. It often occurs when the heart cannot pump as well as it should, or with other heart function problems. Most patients with cardiomyopathy have heart failure."

In other words, Broken Heart Syndrome.
I have the cutest named disease ever.
They should make a Care Bear.
One with a crumbling heart on the chest.
Make 'em happy as can be.
But not too happy.
Don't want that pesky adrenaline puffing up its chest cavity.
Perhaps we'll make the eyes empty and craving hope.
No one wants a broken doll.
Who would buy such a thing?
'Features: soft plush fur and convulsions'
I guess it's ok.
Broken Heart Syndrome that is.
Because...
Well at least I know I have a heart.

Waves of wishes that part to orange skies
Universes stare in awe of you
Bruised hands wait in hollow eyes
Planets bow with thought of you
Follow close but so far behind
Gods smile for they created you
Feet that run in directional lines
Sprint, for life calls to you

I think it's kind of like Athena sprouting from Zeus's head... they just were.

Halt, stop in the name of...
      nothing, really
          metaphysically speaking
Who am I to say go?
      who am I to say I
          who am I
Waiting on a light change
      electricity, right?
          determining my fate
Look at these people
      a Rolodex of souls
            faster than a flip
Reflective frames on my face
     mirroring their souls
            projecting mine
Are they moving slow or fast?
     trans-dimensional spy glass
            warped speed
Oh, look it's green
    game over.
            goodbye.



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I apologize..

I never, I never meant to stare.

It's just...

I never want to lose sight of what's real.

Sleep.


From the depths of void
Waves of crimson & night appear
Bearing gills & fin
Be beast of water born
Covered not in harsh exterior
Sweet lotus armor arise
Collapsing of souls
Form locked to ground
Freedom it does scream
Fear not, for Gods call to thee


Awaken.

The Saints keep pressed lips when speaking words.
Gypsy lovers crawl towards the feet of his might.
Watch the shackles shake the walls for the prisoner sees his face.
Not within the petals of a flower, but within the breaths of fire.
Within the last glance of prey's eye before the predator kills.
Not a power of cruelty but of vigilance.
Embrace the sweet lotus cradled by the parting waves of serenity.
Be he, he or she or it or I.
Blessed be a soul seeking love of the highest.
How indescribable it becomes.
Fear not where the lightening strikes but where it doesn't.
For truth is no more than lies.
The mountains of knowledge sought dull in comparison to a grain of enlightenment.
Be still in all that is sound and rotation.

How bright is she
who plays in the dark
A ruby wrapped in clover
is she
Watch the Sun lie
over time
Engulfed in all that
seems free
Crawl backwards on
hind legs

Quickly now
She's coming
You hear her
It's she

…click clack who's afraid of that

Sit now quiet
You can't let her hear
Hear all of the things
A Ruby wrapped in clover
Engulfed in the blackest of dreams

Glance away she's magic
It's behind the eyes
Maybe green or lightening or three
Don't look too close
You'll see nightmares

…click clack or maybe dreams

I've caught myself standing in the rain with paper dreams of you.
I try to sprint through puddles, but I'm in concrete shoes.
Burdened by the sun, she hides her shame of me.
Clouds cover her warmth, she hides her shame of me.
Droplets resemble needles to the tender heart.
Thunder rumbles along with that blackened spark.
Cleanse my soul and set me free.
The sun, she hides her shame of me.

Everything was placed perfectly
Stars were lined just right
But something in your body
Put up such a fight
I could feel your soul
Merging into mine
But then I'd feel a knife
Cut me down to size
If you needed passion
I could've played that game
If you wanted love
I even would've stayed
You taste like sound
And you move like air
Probably why you couldn't care
My fire burned like several suns
But you just want to play and have fun
I don't know what I've done right here
I'm afraid I'm everything that you fear
Signs of compassion in your eyes
Right behind those starry nights
Find some time to think of me
But try to find the honesty
I want you not for your being
I want you for your everything

I'm always hiding under water
Silly as it seems
I'm hiding under water
To try and keep me clean
Hiding behind molecules
That couldn't hide a thing
Shameful of emotion
It washes me like spring
As calmed as a babe
That's its affect on me
To lay and have my sin washed off
(At least metaphorically.)

At some point
The flaws of reality bored me
So I turned to the mousehole just to my right
When I looked inside I saw what one would expect
A mouse in its hole living its existence
It has no plan for when it leaves
What responsibility does a mouse have?
What bills must you pay?
Whose heart do you break?
How significant are you?
I stared and stared and stared
As the mouse moved from left to right to left again
He wasn't anything like the cartoons
Just another flawed bit of reality in a house never called home
Stepping away
I sit in the chair angled towards his home
Cleverly sitting Indian style
There I sat for an hour, waiting for change
If everything else in this world is so unique
What be of this mouse and his hole?
Emerging its head to look about
Slowly his body pulled from the wall
Suddenly he sat in front the doorway of his home
Protective and honest was he
How silly I was to judge a mouse
When really it had been judging me

Allow my love
to wrap
your bones
Like skin
or perhaps
a tacky
Christmas sweater

I sit...captivated my overwhelming silence.
The sickness in the air thickens as the flowers grow in the window.
Mirrors laugh at me when I pass by.
Best not to look around for the devil could catch my eye.
Mindless chatter of the outdoor creatures as they swim the void.
Can you hear it? I can.
Screaming loud through empty minds.
No one is safe in their own head.
Neck twisted slightly to the left, for life has many angles.
Burning passions behind lovers' eyes go blank in betrayal.
It is fear that keeps us together.
Place your sights on the weary soul.
She's crawling across the floor.
The door is open but the exit seems impossible.
Rip away from the false reality you've been engulfed by.
Comfort not the morals of the masses.
For freedom is but a decision.

How I miss the warmth of your flame
Sheltered by a blanket of sincerity
Kind hearts be all that I knew
Silk covered fingertips for the bad
A glance, oh thy glance
One should not possess such power
One wink, to my knees I fall
Thy eyes be a window to a soul, yes
Allow me to look upon an immortal soul
Send my body to the masses
For spirituality is all you allow me feel
Whimsically I float along
Much like a sparrow with a song

Woman, oh thy spirit be bright
Thy heart be gold
Thy thoughts so clear and true
Thy mind strong
Thy body delicate
Oh, thy passion... words be too little for that.

You wish to feel something, yeah?
You just want to feel some real pain?
Something real?

Go to the kitchen and retrieve a ***.
Fill it with water all to the top.
Place it on the stove right there.
Watch it boil away your cares.
Now take that water at its peak.
Now drop it on your legs and feet.
Feel the blisters begin to form.
You'll wish that you could feel no more.
Even when it's all cleaned up.
It stays there burning like the ****.
Continue on about your day.
But the pain remains all the same.
So if you cut, I think you're a fool.
Because you're breaking all the rules.
Pain is not something to be controlled.
Pain is the hope that leads you home.

I work in kitchens, so pain is gain.
And to think you inflict it everyday...
You need to stop and get a job.
Cutting is only here to rob.

Women are a funny thing
Women keep it interesting.
But her... Yes, her. I'd give anything
To wake up with that smiling face
Could be a feeling never replaced
Holding her until the dawn
Watching her put makeup on
Running her baths on long days
Cooking every meal all her ways
Staying when she says to go
Showing her my love just grows
Learning every inch of her
Fingers tips begin to burn
To feel those velvet lips pressed hard
Please cut out my bleeding heart
She's the beauty I've always dreamed
With wits to match; she's everything
Friend: a hard word to bare
Because of it her fiancé's not scared
I'm the one for advice
I'm the call on lonely nights
I should have kept my mouth shut
Feelings determined to be a must
Selfishly I tell her now
Watch the pieces all fall down
Disappointment in her eyes
Thinking it was all lies
Betraying her friendship breaks me in two
But I'd rather this than you never knew...

Stranger things have happened to me
Than you and your silly ways
Stranger things have happened to me
Than your laugh and stupid gaze
Stranger things have happened to me
Like in the jungles of Mexico
Stranger things have happened to me
Like that time I lost my soul
Stranger things have happened to me
The plague was my greatest foe
Stranger things have happened to me
Like losing the feelings in my toes
Stranger things have happened to me
When I couldn't walk for days
Stranger things have happened to me
How I begged God for a way
Stranger things have happened to me
Fever that burnt like flames
Stranger things have happened to me
It would put your pride to shame
The strangest things have happened to me
But I survived another day
The strangest things have happened to me
This is just one and it makes you look plain

Tell me.
That voice inside of your head.
The one you claim is God.
A God telling you to hate individuals.
Does it sound similar to that voice saying you shouldn't eat that second piece of cake?
Yeah, that's your conscious. Not God.
You're eating away at your outlook on life...and also eating your way into another size up in mom jeans.

Get some perspective.
And a gym membership.

Don't even think about ******* sitting with us.

Have you beauty?
Have you the strength?
Beauty is not for the weak.
For the weak wear masks.
For the weak tell lies.
For the weak show their fear of life.
Do you know true beauty?
Because first you must know strength.
The strong know beauty.
The strong run free.
The strong see the world and embrace it.
I speak not of worldly possessions.
But beauty in life.
And strength in the mind.

Hold still my weary heart
Beat not for life but for love
Keep hold of the thought
For nobility shall be honored

Be we children of the stars
That we feel not the warmth of the Sun
But the warm embrace of our Mother
Perhaps cousin or brother, in fact
That maybe as we stare into the sky
At night that feeling of unknowing is actually knowing
A sense of love
A sense of home
Be we stardust or be we dust
We are here
We are the same
We are together

Left logic
Can't stop it
I've told the truth before
It's all an equation
No need for Fantasia
We've all seen it before
Don't ask me a question
You won't like the answer
The left side takes over so soon
I'd tell you you're pretty
But it'd be out of pity
The left side is talking to you

Eyes with lust to gaze upon the world
Nebulas form around the black hole
Eyes of emerald and aqua blend
Venturing from here to there
Sea of color rest upon the purest white
Thy eyes, oh thy eyes
Glutinous, absorbing ounces of beauty
Tremendous details aligned
Never thankful enough for the memories
Thy face how my fingers trace where beauty lay
Lust too much to see the world
Allah replace your sight with mind
For now I see inside my soul
Because I was made blind

I am a gentleman.
No, I am a woman.
...but I am a gentleman.
...but I am not a man.
Perhaps, a gentlelady.
That sounds strange.
I open doors and bring flowers.
I'd throw down a thousand coats to watch you walk on dry land.
Cook dinner for your family.
Then do the dishes because it's right.
Stand beside when you're wrong, but in a pair of heels.
Hold hands in public because I don't care.
Defend your honor like a Knight.
Firm handshakes and lip gloss.
That describes me.
But I'm better at me with you.

There's a mask you've placed on your heart
You think it gives you a head start
But you're wrong
You're alone
And blue
And covered in clues
Leading to the nearest love nest
You sweet little sinner
He made you his dinner
But now he tells you to leave
So you call and you cry
And I tell you sweet lies
While I drink a strong drink and laugh
How's that mask on your heart?
Is it a good head start?
Because it keeps leading back to me.

I can never tell if I am waking up or falling asleep
You see, my dreams
No, they're not dreams at all
When I close my eyes; I soon open them

In both realities, there is time
And days
And months
And years
And even seconds to spare

But where am I now?
It's the same bed
It's the same house
It's the same floor
But, but, but the day was just night!

Stuck on a hamster wheel of reality
My dreams are not short
In fact, it's like living indeed
It's torturous confusing realities

You. Ha. You are here.
Or there, I suppose.
But that cannot be
So obviously to me
This is the dream.

Woman of the bow
Beauty unknown
Soul burns brighter at night
Collapsing dreams
Sweet remedy
Devil's enchantress indeed
Tender embrace
Hearts that race
Touch like a goddess, my sweet

But you are not mine.
No, you've never been mine.
Sweet mistress, you're only a dream.

What the Hell is this?!
Jealousy?
Betray?
Angry?
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!

You kept that stare
Such reassuring eyes
"Oh I loved her once. Not now."
You made me feel less
Though I gave it my best
Now I'll end it before I can cry

You two faced *****
I'm tired of this ****
You'll never look down again
You tell me she's nothing
Just one of your buddies
When really you're covered in sin

Now things are over
You cry that it's over
But really there's comfort there
She's right next to you
In the picture you took
Two weeks after we're through

So tell me again of your love that you kept
Kept only for me
And how I'm so perfect
No other girls worth it
Because I was your cookies and cream.

What a lovely heart you have inside
Beating so happy and free
What a shame it'd be to stomp it out
And leave you with an empty beat
And oh how I'll laugh as I watch you cry
Then whither up bitter and die
I'll tell my friends how crazy you are
Even though it's all a lie
I'll dance on your grave
Where you're buried alone
Then marry your ****** old ex
I'll make her a sinner and even more bitter
Bitter than all of the rest
So bring on the night
You're looking at me
Thinking that I am so sweet
Remember my dear
Just cause I'm queer
Doesn't mean you can use me.

Have you seen the troubled youth these days?
They're not very troubled at all.
They create their own illness then spread it amongst the masses of degenerates.
The symptoms consist of debauchery and disrespect.
They yell to the crowd, "Look at me for I am broken."
No. You are fixed...fixed onto the idea that one must be troubled to be different.
Oh, have you seen the troubled youth of today?
They're not so troubled after all.

I heard a siren's call just once
How enchanted it did keep me
I followed the song and there she was
Waiting.... waiting for me.

With passion filled eyes
I ran towards the lies
That twisted my heart inside
She called out my name
Like it were a game
Keeping my mind trapped in time.

I heard a siren's call just once
Because the spell was broken, you see
A web of lies and enchanting cries
Not never enough to keep me

She'll wait for you
Like she waited for me
Laying in the dark
You cannot cry
Or you will die
Thanks to the siren's call.

Pretty, pretty empty words bring fire to the *****.
Pretty, pretty empty words turn women into toys.
Pretty, pretty empty words make hearts bleed out cold.
Pretty, pretty empty words can steal a lover's soul.

Won't you miss my pretty words that charm and enchant?

Won't you miss my pretty words that fill you with regret?

For if you say these pretty words...
My heart draws near to death.