Last night I decided to try something.
Something I would never tell anyone.
Anyone could have done something to me.
Me I felt different, incredibly clear.

Clear sky filled with question about what is.
Is it really bad that it felt so good?
Good that I couldn’t stop myself from more?
More experience but still not enough,

enough of this pretending to be cool.
Cool, winter, nights bring me back to this life.
Life is too precious for me to waste it.
It could be so much better than it is.

Is it my fault? Or can I blame someone?
Someone to take the fall for my mistakes,
mistakes I made that can’t be taken back,
back to the days when these bad things scared me.

Suddenly all my time is spent with you.
I feel so different now, completely new.
You leave me speechless, don’t know what to say,
still this feeling stays we will end any day.

I try to stay happy and enjoy this
moment, won’t last beyond a single kiss.
I want to reach out and hold on before
I fall. Because each time my heart is sore.

I shouldn’t feel this way and I don’t yet.
You want much more and we only just met.
Every time I let myself go I loose,
now this time only I would like to choose.

I start to cry and slowly say goodbye
This bond just started and now it will die

Whether or not I want to give a touch
I won’t get back. The price is still too much.
I am not ready, I am even scared
I don’t know when it will ever be dared.

Am not waiting for something or someone,
but a feeling that I will get when am done.
Pausing for a second to take it all
in. I don’t want to build up a wall

or be called bad names and labeled a tease.
If I ever meant something can do this please.
And if I didn’t still do it for me,
someday I will be ready I will be

I start to cry and slowly say goodbye
This bond just started and now it will die

While I wait go do whatever you need.
Have fun, make love, promise things, smoke some ****.
But I am not your girl and I never was.
Things will change, good, bad, they will just because.

I will travel I will transform in time,
you don’t want for me and that’s my sign.
When you can’t see past, what is bad for you?
I can see what you tell me isn’t true.

Troubles we have in common, things we shared.
Thoughts and feelings that I understood and cared
will never play a big role in your life
things I knew already cut like a knife.

I start to cry and slowly say goodbye
This bond just started and now it will die

I have a picture on my wall from a time before,
a picture of a man a woman smiling.
They held each other close then, but so long ago,
now things have changed so much has changed.

A picture of a man and woman smiling,
is something far and distant to me.
Now things have changed so much has changed
A past so close you could taste its sweat.

Is something far and distant to me,
really for us to cherish and remember.
A past so close you could taste its sweat,
Yet so far away only a shimmer of what it once was.

Really for us to cherish and remember,
that we all are human and can grow apart,
yet so far away only a shimmer of what it once was,
can still linger and sting.

That we all are human and can grow apart,
a thing we should watch and fear.
Can still linger and sting,
stealing our happy memories before we reached the end.

A thing we should watch and fear.
I have a picture on my wall from a time before,
stealing our happy memories before we reach the end.
They held each other close then, but so long ago.

I have scars inside that no one can see,
and I have scars on the outside I don’t
show for fear, someone will discover me.
Because I hide inside a shell of won’t.

My father used to say sticks and stones will
break your bones but words will never hurt you.
But daddy you were so wrong, words can ****.
Yet still with you I could never argue.

Dad I have changed so much in these past years.
You would not recognize your little girl,
the one who used to laugh and share her fears,
all I want is to let go and uncurl,

from this ball of everlasting haze, then
escape from this sad, harsh world of badmen.