bd - Hello Poetry

bd Apr 2016

de ja vu

i think this is fate, how we ended up meeting halfway. when i entered your bedroom for the first time my heart couldnt stop telling me ive seen this place. ive seen your face, ive seen your soul, this is de ja vu we have done this all before. i have looked for you in every love ive ever known. i have been searching for so long. i had given up and let my heart turn to stone, but then here you are. with your blue kyanite irises. i fall into your bed & fall into you & cease to worry about what time it is. what time is it? everything has gone silent. i am a constant contradiction, a tangling of wires. i am a god ****** forrest fire & i turn to ashes everything i touch. yet here you are in the midst of the flames feeding the fire & at the same time soaking it up. this is love. this is fate. i have seen this all before thats how i know none of this is fake.

bd Aug 2015

Untitled

Darling, you think deeply. You hold onto the wrongdoings of others so you can convince yourself you do no harm. Its quite the opposite love. Your hands are stained with blood as are mine. Your wrists run red and leave trails of white, all healed but still staring up at you in reminder of a time you wanted to feel numb. When you've run out of excuses why you haven't come back to me yet, just come, and I will be here.

bd Aug 2015

If you're going to take her from me

If you're going to take her from me, there are a few things you should know.
She likes her drinks with straws, even when she's not wearing any lipstick.
She is stubborn about the way she holds someones hands, it's funny.
She likes to be held close with no space in between never loosely draped over.
She will curse your name and wish you away but she's really only asking you to come back and stay.
When she thrashes in her sleep at night, its the demons chasing her again.
You have to gently wake her and tell her she's safe and tuck her back in.
Her love is better than crank.
I remember kissing her and feeling spunt for days and days and days.
And ******* it if you're going to take her from me for all that it's worth, just stay.
Because I didn't and that was my biggest ******* mistake.

bd Aug 2015

Grandeur

even* life in all it's grandeur
simply can not mask
the overwhelming feeling
of hopelessness that washes over me
when I think of
*you

bd Apr 2014

Untitled

& I think if you could flip through every page in my notebook from the last couple years, you'd see.
You'd see just how dreadful it is to be me.
How can you expect me to be perfect when I'm still in shambles from the past two lovers?
I can see that youre trying your best to glue me back together, but it's useless.
& so am I.

bd Jan 2014

from the bottom to the top

There were moments when I didn't have anyone else. Not even myself, but I had you.

There were hours when the sunlight would burn the day away & I couldn't survive the cold of night.

There were days when I had nothing to say yet all the right words would flow from your lips like ocean waves.

There were weeks when my bones were stiffening & the sight of my scars were sickening.

There were months when I didn't care for watching myself bleed & a blade was non existent to me.

Through all the moments, hours, days, weeks & months I haven't even had a whole year with you but I know its you that I want.
& if I could count back every second & turn back the clocks I'd do it all over again with you, from rock bottom to the very top.

bd Dec 2013

decomposition

I am so anxious and paranoid that you'll leave me
I'll never hold another pair of hands if you do
If I can't die I won't be able to endure the emotions that devour me when I see you
All I do is sit in this cardboard box of a room & let the rain rot away the roof
& When memories, photographs, letters & words are all that remain
There is no hiding the truth
I am endlessly, unconditionally, helplessly in love with you

I never knew what it felt like to lose composure & then you said its over
Then, I knew
The reality of the situation hit me in the stomach like a ton of bricks
& Here I am on my knees again, beaten & bruised
Begging for you, like I always do
Like it makes any difference in the way you'll look at me afterwards
Like it makes any difference at all, I live to please you
My brain is rotting like the roof on this cardboard box of a room
My heart is stopping because I feel like I'm losing you