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431 · Sep 2016
How to
Batya Sep 2016
convey, contain, explain the pain,
the unbearable straining 'gainst tons over weight,
like inevitable cracking 'fore porcelain breaks--
to slash 'cross the page like so many small veins,
to set ink a'flowing like filth in the rain,
to put words to paper (less likely to fade
than those meaningless noises that most people make)?

How lonesome, the cold sound, the poetry scratching
the sad, angry nib makes when blanks come a'bounding,
to conquer attempts made at filling the space
(the more full the margins the less full my brain),
the keening, the whining, erasing the phrase
created in lieu of composing my face,
Denied, stamped and branded, made nothing the matter,
               no meaning, validity-- like me, ever after.
421 · Jul 2012
Away From My Love
Batya Jul 2012
Minute by minute,
The long hand makes its way
Around the sun,
And I count the seconds 
Until I can get out of here.
420 · Jul 2014
When God is Closest
Batya Jul 2014
I just got shot
Right in the chest.

And I thought,
"Jesus Christ, that really hurts."

I fell to the ground,
Hot blood began soaking my shirt.

And through my hazy agony,
I was aware of the poetry-
Of my dying thought:
That missing you
Killed
Me.
If you read this, and you know who you are, know that:
1. I die every time I remember where you are. Every time, all over again.
2. I love you more than I love breathing-- and so in a way, you really are my lifeline.
3. Perhaps I wouldn't die quite so often if there were a medic around.
4. We are intrinsically intertwined. There is no separating us now.
5. Every time I see you, I come to life.
6. Every time I think about seeing you, I remember my life.
7. Every time you touch me you revive me.
8. Every time I think about you touching me, I feel like maybe, one day soon, that will happen.
9. Every time I shake my head and realize you're far away, and at war, I die again.
10. I'm dead right now, and missing you killed me.
416 · Sep 2014
The Aftermath
Batya Sep 2014
We were at war,
and now we're not.
We normal folk
don't hear sirens anymore-
but I know our boys
will always hear the booms.

We were at war,
it was the comma
in a sentence that goes on.
It's difficult to realize
that some of our big family
didn't pick up where they left off,
and some didn't pick up at all.
413 · Dec 2012
A History of Hearts
Batya Dec 2012
Teach me all the history you like,
Tell me how the greats have all fallen.
Take me there-- to the battle sites,
Touch the pages when you hear them calling.

Rifle through the dusty, age- old tomes,
Read about heroes long forgotten;
Reach for naught but shelves of yellowed books,
Reel years back from the ones that you were caught in.

I shall speak just truths learned from the past,
I'll heed the sounds of silence echoed through the ages;
I'll sound a spring born anew at last,
And slice the sobbing, seared, scarred, sorry pages.

I shall listen when you whisper tales retold,
I shall learn from wasted voices, still unheard.
I shall love for as long as histories unfold
And live as long as the last pages are assured.
Batya Apr 2014
The banks have overflowed,
Winter has come after an autumn
Of months, and a summer of years.
Not an inch of footing for the flooding-
Take the moral high road.
399 · Feb 2016
The Chosen
Batya Feb 2016
It began with Man’s first descendants
When humanity set
Precedent for evil--
Cain killed Hevel.

But it was before even that
That God set precedent
For punishment, when
He expelled their parents from the Garden.

And so, The Killer
Was made
To wander the world
Forever,  

(And he unleashed
The Beasts,
The petty jealousies,
The destructive seeds)

And a portion
Of mankind
Still
Does.
394 · Jul 2012
A Friendship Grown
Batya Jul 2012
Three shadows from a distant past,
Each  more solid than the last.
The first I knew for just one night,
His shadow longer than his mind.
The second, more substantial one,
Despite his heart, caused me to run.
The third and last of those above,
The one whom I am writing of,
Is more than just a fleeting dream.
They were three but it would seem
That one to me became more kin
Than those whose words I did not feel within.
389 · Apr 2013
The Blame Game
Batya Apr 2013
You,
her,
him,
they,
God, the weather;
hell, not me.
368 · Feb 2016
Can People Change?
Batya Feb 2016
Do we possess the power
To realize redemption
In the form of lists of traits and acts

("I will never"s)

Commanded by ourselves,
Expected by our elders,
Or will we

("How can I ever?"s)

Forever pass down flaws--
Habits, addictions,
Disorders,
Imperfections--

Destined to repeat
Mistakes of generations?
Can we break
The chains
Of humanity,

So attached to our material face,
Those pieces of people that God created base?

Can we rise from the ashes of history
And genealogy,
And emerge in plumes of phoenix spirituality?

May we disregard our assumption
That our hearts were molded in order to harden

By hand of God, old age or beast?
May we achieve angelic simplicity
And simply be?
367 · May 2013
Things I Can't Stand
Batya May 2013
Not many
Things make me
Crazy--
Chauvinism, and my family.
344 · Jul 2017
Howls
Batya Jul 2017
The howls, they

Filled the stale

air,

Raked the oxygen

tanks, Scraped

the metal rails,

Whistled past our ears

as if they'd traveled back

from our futures

Shrieking simpler times.
340 · Jan 2013
Words
Batya Jan 2013
Words
can fill a cavity
with layer upon layer
of quiet lies,
perhaps tears,
perhaps

Words can numb
enough to breathe
alone

in the dark
or the light

it doesn't really matter to
Words

and I still wonder
sometimes
if perhaps
Words work?
339 · May 2013
Déjà Vu
Batya May 2013
I think
We dream
Our lives
Before
We live them.
336 · Feb 2016
To Science
Batya Feb 2016
And so she rose
Like vapor,
And disappeared just as fast.
Were her phoenix shape to return
To Earth,
She could not have been less.
After a year
Or ten, surely,
There are just worms,

But the headstone is where They return to pray,
To bring the babes named for the remains,
And the grave- they call her final resting place.
So how to grieve when she is lost?
To a classroom or a hospital,
Where are her bones?
Has she yet turned to dust?
Will her bed be in a cabinet of glass?
328 · Jun 2017
Highlander
Batya Jun 2017
Hardened men, softened
By a lash, by a glance

Dirtied, uncovered
Soft of heart, sharp of eye

Themselves betrayed
By the stab of a gaze

Calcified, petrified
Of letting the softness away.
320 · Mar 2014
Between Us
Batya Mar 2014
I'm not in love with him;
I'm in love with the idea of him.
But I still feel guilty when he texts.
268 · May 2019
Soulmates
Batya May 2019
It hurt
When our souls were ripped apart;
We were made as one.

The agony has echoed through my life
Of the moment when the sun hit my eyes
And you were torn from me
For what has felt like a lifetime,

Of when they announced our arrivals
To two sets of parents
And we were taken home in different cities,

And we were ripped from each other
From loving darkness to blinding, aching light,
Left to wander
Until we might find
Each other again.
212 · Apr 2019
Dropping You Off
Batya Apr 2019
You leave me
Devastated
Speechless
Shell- shocked,
Like the ground on the field of battle
Absorbing what remains.

You leave me
In a state
Not unlike
The flight
Of a ladybug-
So swift, leaving you
Wondering
If she had been there at all.

You leave me
Mouth agape
Marveling
At the treasure that had been right at my fingertips,
At the sweetness that my tongue could have tasted,
That I could have filled my nose with all of your molecules,
That I could have filled my arms with every part of you,
That your laugh could have warmed my soul for just a little bit longer.
189 · Feb 2020
When It Lightens
Batya Feb 2020
The gray before the break
Is bleaker than the deepest black.
In that moment, neither sun nor stars are seen,
With light enough to fumble,
The world, meticulously painted,
Is one fell stroke of desperation;
The contrast of pinpricks stars in deepest night
More hopeful than this false ambition
Right before the dawn.

— The End —