I couldn't stand thinking about you;
I started drinking about you.
Wine ran thin,
morphed to blood.
You called me psychotic,
I've just seen too much of you to be sane.
Like bruised ribs
and eyes black as the pit in your chest.
Where is your heart?
Washed away in the rain,
dripping through cracks
so girls below can catch a glimpse of hell.
Enough is enough.
The words inside melodies never say anything new,
but I listen on repeat just in case
I catch a glimpse of anything true.
Or things I lost when the flood broke my bones,
Making an enemy ship of our sullen home.

Gravity fell in love
   with the sea;
  that's why his hand upon hers
has always been
one of utmost care.
  When we were younger,
   we took advantage of this,
    their elemental infatuation,
   & we would fly underwater.
  Right through the heightened passion
of their conjoined souls.

    But we have become
   rather dreamless of late;
  Chasing pearless oysters,
We forgot our wings on the seabed.
    
      We forgot our wings..
    
      on the seabed.

It's true that in my brevity of life, I was censured for trouble. Constantly considered the desponding mind of a normal boy, and why or how did I become what I am. My answer to them has always been the same, since I was just a child, your deplorable young blood has been ripped up. Thrown to the side for the gibbet by all the wrong scrupulous attitudes, and I'm running out of deference to give. The prodigious lies brought me here, and I'm glutted throughout the mind, soon to be forever blind.

Within the stories that define,
and memories that linger.
Within the words I write
and the words I whisper,
Part woven, part entangled
Partly hidden, never quite lost,
Similes jump in
to find the expressions I lack,
Partly stuck, partly you hold on,
Like a needle in a haystack.

Sit, but wander inside, wondering
over a few things we once had.
I remember the string you held
and used, wound around my hand
as you led me to the edge,
smiling, you told me this won't hurt.

I walked and wondered whether you
lied. There were plenty of times I had
doubted you. The time you told me
of your mother's suicide. Your father's
addiction. Your own.
I carry on walking, because I still believe.

I sit at the edge, wondering where
you've slipped to. The edge is sharp.
The edge is impressed. Will doubt push
me further, or have you slipped up from behind,
to cut in to my back, to twist the knife.

Remember the time we spent together,
As you lay in your cold silence in another
world. Across the pond.

Remember the time you spent lying.
Remember the time I spent hating.
Remember the tears you spent flirting.
Remember the tears I spent wasting.

Lydia
watches through
a thin gap
in the dark

brown curtains
her sister
much older
in the bed

holding tight
to her tall
spiv boyfriend
and kissing

his thick lips
then his ears
which even
nine year old

Lydia
finds quite gross
it takes all
her childish

innocence
not to know
what the show
is about

she looking
through the gap
sees the spiv
put his hand

on the ****
buttocks of
her sister
Lydia

looks away
looks out at
the green grass
and the flats

and windows
opposite
ignoring
the giggles

and snorty
sounds she hears
from the bed
behind her

behind dark
brown curtains
how the heck
she got trapped

behind there
in her games
pretending
the window

was a stage
and she a
child actress
awaiting

to begin
when her big
sister came
tiptoeing in

with the spiv
while hiding
unseen there
Lydia

silently
hid her feet
and stealthily
had her peek

now she sees
pigeons walk
or kids play
with skip rope

or football
or cowboys
and Injuns
but behind

the curtains
on the bed
another
game is played

two actors
in combat
by the sounds
her sister

breathlessly
makes beyond
but innocent
Lydia

puts her hands
to cover
her small ears
watching kids

play their games
and joyfully
run about
ignoring

whatever makes
her sister
giggle soft
then loudly
laughing shout.

Nothing has changed, nothing will, not this way.
I am a poor fool, bound to you
And begging, on my knees, for every scrap you toss my way.
Reconnection leads to reinfection,
I am a sad fool,
A mad fool, to risk again, all that I have.
And yet, as you reach out…I am lost,
Clinging to virtual words, dreaming of a world that’s gone,
Trying to glue together something shattered
Wishing for time reversal, praying for a miracle
To salvage my remembrance of a desperate year.