I hate myself for leaving you
I left you dreams of what could’ve been
I left you with the most beautiful of memories

What gave me the right to leave you?

There is a depth to that question that haunts me

I don’t have an answer and it scares me
It scares me that I chose me
I didn’t know that to find love, you had to choose
I though that when I chose you, you’d choose me too

It was a slow and painful death
I loved you until the final breath
I didn’t even feel the blade of the knife as it pierced my heart
You watched as our souls broke apart

The innocence of love no more
It’s decayed from the core
poisoned by the venom of the self
my corpse left to rot on the shelf

I won’t wake up this time
there are no words left for this storyline
only to mourn and grieve
time is the final reprieve

Rummage at these bones
Your stomach must be filled today
Hallucinations of your tomb stone
You must not be led astray
Woe the passing time
You cannot allow life to play like a pantomime
Oh the angel of death is coming
Pushing and shoving
None shall get in his way
I pray it is not the end today.

A feeling I am unable to quantify
Unable to conceptualise
Uncompromising I am held hostage by
your habits and manners I have ritualised
attentive with my ever watchful eye
none could defy
hidden in plain view
my unyielding love of you

Trapped gasping for air
All eyes on you, can’t hide from the glare
Feet stuck firm on the ground
Swimming in the deep oceans of thought I could drown
Jaw clenched
Fists wrenched
Tense.
Smile they say
Pretend like everything is okay
On with the show
Its been 19 years, keep the façade status quo
Your mask shall not fade this soon
There is a lifetime ahead till the full moon.

Driven by irrational forces of needs and desires,
His thoughts overtaken by the corporate propaganda regime,  
She fills her face with powders so much so you would believe she was born with it,
Misinformed or purposefully restrained?
Her true beauty ignored; her outer-self objectified,
An object whose vassal is unknown or unseen
It… Born out of this ever expanding notion of the self
The tele screens simultaneously in our pockets and in front our eyes,
Constantly urging us to engage,
Our alertness to (anti)-social social control,
An almost schizophrenic response,
Fingers twitch uncontrollably,
Our information seamlessly collected and distributed,
Our freedoms of thought and expression sold to the highest
bidder,
In the age of decadence we shall march,
We shall be loyal subjects and be subjugated without quarrel,
We shall adorn our flesh with garments whose worth has been dictated,
We shall sacrifice our hard earned currency for our digital fix,
For we are the loyal and never fulfilled consumer.

What an emotional vacuum,
A world where one cannot express emotions clearly without the aid of the emoji,
This disease has bread a culture of animation rather than expression,
What ever happened to communication?
Disdain towards the age old conversation,
Discourse replaced by digital intimacy,
Fluent with the QWERTY keyboard,
The zest of adjectives limited to a few abbreviations,
Carried away to the vast world of cyber space,
Yet a human body always gives off subliminal energy,
I will always be drawn to that energy.

As I meander in this valley of existence
I wonder where I am headed.
As I explore the lands of God I am unveiled
to the heavenly creatures that grace this earth.
As I look beyond my immediate surrounding I find He in nature
I cross mountains touching the ceiling of my realm.
As I swim across vast lakes there is an enigmatic preserve beneath me,
From this alien like world I see His refuge.
As I traverse the sand deserts I am swept under a storm of grains.
I once again seek refuge in Him.
Unto you we belong and unto Him we shall return.