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Aug 2018 · 43
materials (xii)
Barton D Smock Aug 2018
as you do not struggle to recall the titles of those empty sermons we composed while biking uphill after our sister’s head, I tell you that a baby eats like jesus in a haunted house and that dad was right the lawnmower dies because it knows where in the yard his mom was deep enough to bury doll and I deny that hibernation is real

(is more a ghost started by two wise men dressed as animals
Aug 2018 · 55
materials (xi)
Barton D Smock Aug 2018
it gave me nightmares, from mating call to church bell, that air conditioner in our third floor window. thematically, the poor are closer to death. my people don’t move. god is where you left him. god where I put.
Aug 2018 · 50
{ some }
Barton D Smock Aug 2018
some entries from poem sequence [returning]:

~~~~

my angel is a scarecrow in a sleeping bag. heaven a movie theater in spain. she walks that way because she is trying to step on her blood. the boy at the gate is lost and must choose either frankenstein’s childhood or a more diverse nostalgia. orphans on earth smell like bread.

~~~~

there are pictures of me sleeping that are responsible for my brother cheating on his diet.  apples the shape of going home.  *** addicts fighting to direct a musical about the number of people disappearing

to let death
mourn.  there is a chair in an open field.  a throbbing in the palm of sound’s publisher.  a kid under a blanket asking god

when did she know
what perfection
was.  a mouth that was a bomb

/ before I had teeth

~~~~

with sound
the second language
of absence, with

mother, bible, bee

(I am trying to memorize missing you

~~~~

church
of the removed
stitch. what I would bite

to have your mouth.

~~~~

in the history of newborns
not one is named

shelter, and we’ve called

only two
attraction…

my dream priest
dies
in the desert
after making
with death
a movie, no...

the blood’s
search
for brain

~~~~

they took
the body

lamb
stayed with star

~~~~

you can train
a bird
but not
a fish
to care

for a thumb...

fire is the skin of god

~~~~

a father
at peace
with how many times
his hair
has died
is standing
in a museum
before the shell
of a giant
turtle

his infant’s mouth
has gone home
to lose
its shape

he is alone
like any
grocery cart

some
cribs

~~~~
Aug 2018 · 52
materials (x)
Barton D Smock Aug 2018
you have to count them quickly

the bite-marks on my son’s arm

-

either you touch a goldfish
or become
a dentist

-

does it matter whose dream
my mouth is

-

make art and make it empty. god has run out of room.
Aug 2018 · 62
materials (ix)
Barton D Smock Aug 2018
Q: what is a ghost?

A: you have a mom and god finds out
Aug 2018 · 77
précis
Barton D Smock Aug 2018
poverty has its own alphabet. we speak only to expand our understanding of what came second, be it silence or the ventriloquy of god.  no one here has lost a baby but there are enough of us to go around.  I’ve nowhere to tell you about place.
Aug 2018 · 73
brevities
Barton D Smock Aug 2018
if told by your hands to set myself on fire, I would pray my father into a snake and death would cry in a whale for every bee that lost its voice.
Aug 2018 · 71
the home life of victims
Barton D Smock Aug 2018


some ****** eared stranger at the door is listening as if to a radio where being announced by name are the blow-up dolls gone missing from the home life of victims.



in the two accepted versions of the story you have a son your husband beats. in the third and final version your three equally tall sons lift you privately from a parade honoring your **** scene. this is theirs.



similar persons of colder weather gather elsewhere and disrobe.

all await
the dog of evening.

its blindfolded boy.



he spends a few good hours trying to pin the small shadows of overhead birds beneath his feet. his wakefulness is a gift handed down by a sister he had to stop making up.



I squeeze my infant son until he is young enough to remember impressionism’s grocery.



I skin my knee a total of three times. I begin seeing Jesus but only when I’m awake. he demands nothing. he is thankful for my knee and for my indifference. he speaks so fondly of my braces I leave them on my teeth a year too long. my father has me put my head back mornings before church so he can run the hair dryer on low over the open ache my mouth has become. I talk on purpose when he does this and he laughs and forgets about my mother who smokes on the roof in her Sunday beast.


Aug 2018 · 48
{recent, Aug 2018}
Barton D Smock Aug 2018
/

[a gun goes off in a dream I don’t have anymore]

the root of the animal’s insomnia is not man but the fear of personification.

-

when my uncle was a baby, he tried to put something in his mouth but couldn’t do it.

-

grief is the herd my sadness trails.

-

my mother returns every year to the same spot as if it’s a microwave.  

-

before he goes back to providing the radio play-by-play for an obscure sporting event, father lifts up his shirt to show me the wire jesus wore.  

-

while smoking a cigar in the shadow of a nervous minotaur, my father wrote the book on moral isolation. in it, he predicted there would be a television show about hoarders and that it would turn god into a sign from god. my mother read the book cover to cover during her fourth and fastest delivery. if there were edits, she kept them to herself and put his name beside hers on seasonally produced slim volumes of absolute shyness.

-

death takes its place at the head of the table to tell the only story it knows to plates of untouched food.

-

trespassing, I approach two dimming flashlights set upright in cemetery mud that in your recollection are the horns of an empty beast.

-

as spotless as the dog left it, the baby’s room has come to mean today. above a different dog, people ask us what we’re having. we do our jigsaw of darkness. clone the ape that created god’s boredom.

-

I find the boy’s name on a list in another boy’s diary. a gun goes off in a dream I don’t have anymore.

/

[rabbit horns]

a plastic doll with a human right hand distracts us from the parrot’s empty cage. we have been writing in unison instead of eating. our poverty is so advanced it keeps a fake diary and a real diary but hides them in the same spot.  

-

I saw my youngest brother born.  I saw his mouth.  I thought he’d ripped.

-

the dark, the ocean. I have two reasons to believe god has not stopped creating. my anger has gone the way of the milkman.  his doomed child with her piece of chalk.

-

it is childish how much time she thinks I have to touch everything in the store.  I am slapped so hard I am sure the mirror’s memory is for show.

-

my father holds a cigarette above his head in a hotel shower. at home, my mother puts a clean shirt on the bed and jumps from her death.

-

I am secretly happy that you’ve taken an egg for each day of your life to a doll so doll can sleep.  as your mother, I often follow a black ball of yarn into the lake of how you remember.

-

a male mime bites into a bar of soap…

-

her father is just as she imagines-

a man not making siren sounds pulled over by the man who is.

-

you will know the hoof of satan’s chosen deer by the way it glows when any female announces from the seat of a stilled tractor that she is pregnant.  you will be the age of your mother’s baby bump, older than your father’s knife, and lit by the grape in god’s mouth.

-

I am in the saddest grocery waiting with my mother for the happiest bike repair to open.

-

dodgeball, no one sad.

/

[gestural transportation]

in the idea, god creates only those creatures already identified by the man he can’t shake.  

-

I am quiet but nobody listens.

I am loneliest when it’s not allowed.

-

after a child drowns in a child, the church bathroom is scrubbed in full view of the elderly.

-

while thunder remains god’s most solemn prank, the moon is the bottom of a prop tree.  there are egg shells on the floor of heaven.

-

the bread crumbs were eaten not by birds but by a starving boy with a lost voice who’d wandered from his home in a delirium brought on by a toothache.  also, Hansel & Gretel were two rich kids who killed someone’s mother.

-

god goes from wall to wall unaware he is god disguised as a graffiti artist.  

renderings of my son on a ventilator adorn the moving city.  

-

in flight, a wasp carries something it’s not.  forgiveness works alone.

-

I have never seen an attractive god.

/

[the upper body of the minotaur lost everything]

mother prays for odd things.  like passwords.  and that there be one day a mirror she can warn.  

-

my father was born with six fingers on his right hand and seven on his left. he was not fond of either hand until later in life when the grandchildren asked him at different times during their visits if he had been tortured.

-

my brother says it’s part of his condition that he can only explain himself from the waist down.  before I can play doctor, he remembers he has a story he wants me to write.  in the opening scene a young man is blowing dust from a human skull made of plastic because it’s all the narrator can afford.

-

your sister is the only person on record to have been born without a gift. I was told this in confidence by an angel masquerading as a small animal the size of which escapes me.

-

excuse my friend his earlier joy in saying who do I have to **** to get ****** around here. at age 19 a man exploded beside my friend and my friend went quiet and later to his grave thinking his own bomb malfunctioned.

-

I know it’s early but I need you to make sure there are no bugs on your father before he goes to work.    

/

[materials (ii)]

nostalgia no longer has a church

if these are your children, I’ve lost years keeping them away from bugs

like her, I’ve never seen her starvations touch

it’s like waiting for god to donate hair

/

[materials (iii)]

I hate baseball but enjoy covering my left hand.

headache
oh pearl
of birth

/

[materials (iv)]

a painting of your whereabouts. the popcorn stoning of your first wheelchair. soft edits. pentagram. spider.

the look of a thing that wants no hands.

/

[materials (v)]

eating for the child lost by ghost, you are the second of three people who know god’s middle name. oh how I’ve written to avoid reading. to impress death.

a babysitter’s tattoo. the bird-sleep of ache.

/

[materials (vi)]

she is cooking with the father of an ex-lover a meal for someone who’s just had surgery. god is there but might as well be listening for thunder. she hopes the dream is not a big deal.

/

[materials (vii)]

god twisted her ankle on a toy phone while thinking of the child you love least. mother was passing for an underwater attraction based on the inherited imagery of oblivious angels. photo credit had been done to death.

/

[materials (viii)]

an aversion to sleeping on my stomach.  needing to be alone after eating in front of people.  my father asking in the library for books on Nagasaki.  field trips to indian mounds where bullies would worship my retainer and put mud in my mouth.  my permissive mother and her essays on the grief of a social god.  not understanding how in some films there were women speaking on what was heard in the distance and how in others just men sitting around to surprise satan.  my brother threatening to run away and me showing him how my ghost would look breaking his toys.  sticks from a dogless future.    

/

[childlike boredom]

never be more creative than your abuser.

I’ll bring christ, you

canary

/

[brevities]

the voice of god is the light by which a cricket kills its ghost. grief the chosen dress of our no-show photographer.

/
Jul 2018 · 72
materials (i)
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
mothers
while jumping
rope
reminisce
on those
crucifixions
not postponed
by thunder
Jul 2018 · 56
motive
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
I threw
a couple sticks
and waited
to be kissed
on the arm
while my brother
licked
from his leg
the first insect
to have
amnesia
pretty soon
after that
our sister
bought a car
that had hit
a puppy
the puppy
lived
and god
was hooked
Jul 2018 · 54
response musics (vii)
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
the fact that no one is watching the movie is good for the baby.  my wrist hurts and so far not a single pill has cleared the mouth-hole of your mask.  you’ve seen your mother but not since she got that haircut for which her eyes are still too big.  god exaggerates.  the choices were, and are, eat or learn a language.
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
what a scarecrow can take to heaven wouldn’t fit in a gas mask.  we learn this the easy way.  so you’ve drawn this circle.  a frail newness that was only just not.  so you’ve diapered this doll.  imagery can keep a secret.  so a beached moth might have something on the baby.  so ice in the stomach of god.
Jul 2018 · 52
poem
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
for an elusive
smallness
not seed, nor raincloud
grievance
of ghost

that was
the is
my father’d
been
Jul 2018 · 116
by horse I mean
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
dropped from a hand-shaped dream

were three fish the length of my beating…



your ghost town anthills

this blank
taxi

seeable

****



by horse I mean
thing without a ghost / that we followed with our hair
Jul 2018 · 56
mercy musics (i and ii)
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
[mercy musics (i)]

this is where
her name
is changed

to dog, not
puppy

where her father believes
he can stab
a bird
and talk
to ladders

dear
ladder, longing

eats only
the hungry

these are my
stick, and haunted,

persons

and what’s
more, it’s mostly
female
this lost

baby

~

[mercy musics (ii)]

angel, with urn, sleepy

as a hoofprint
is not
a dreamer

of unmarked
edens, but is

of the child
eve

who buried
a mouth
to imagine
a pig
Jul 2018 · 56
suggested titles
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
her dream the one where my father pretends to research the wrist of a deer



given another chance, I’d check my memoir to see if it’s happened yet



god is the least efficient way to feel nothing
Jul 2018 · 222
this new way to be lonely
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
you recall
yourself
inventing
Jul 2018 · 48
untitled
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
odd that the abuser lives for flashbacks. that movies ask god for more time. that I smoke might an angel picture thirst. that I say not here, mouth. in the church of the empty bowl.
Jul 2018 · 57
car shows for shadows
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
a mirror keeps leaving me in the same toy. smoking allows grief to imagine thirst. I have a mother; she misses yours. god

sees turtle, thinks mask.
Jul 2018 · 57
prayers for small
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
that I be baptized by a vandal whose frostbitten hands…

that I could touch you with what I’m seeing and that a thing be worth

no words.
Jul 2018 · 69
spacing
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
if no animal
is there
describe
to me
the one
furthest
from a mind
harmed
in the making
Jul 2018 · 61
untitled
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
people are leaving my body

it is not alarming

together, how many birds
have your parents
seen
eat

I picture you
as prepared
to imagine, they will judge

her
her hunger

on its form
Jul 2018 · 125
{recent, three}
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
[sailboat]

his sister, three years away from leaving social media, has a boyfriend whose depression is a feminist. darkness lands again the role of weather. on paper, his cough is somewhere between cricket and cross.

~

[nymph]

yesterday I sent to my mother grief as an attachment

-

it continues to matter
the spell
your god
is under

-

(what began as nostalgia is now

~

[concern]

I pass my son in the hallway

instar
and throe  

our unpracticed sleep
our elbows

he learns this way
of my mother, her father, the nothing

time does
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
there was a radio somewhere in the basement and we knew this because it would click on long enough for us to cover our feet and question our savior’s second go at amnesia. if I wasn’t there, I was probably trying out my father’s fastball with a grip he called the ribs of my neighbor’s dog. not long from this I was holding a baby and said what a vague hiatus. also in this order I may have said you look like a ghost and then not my finger but a finger does snap into place when I smoke.
Jul 2018 · 59
others
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
I wonder sometimes
born
what was it
we fled

and how it can’t have been
our earliest yearning

to arrive

like when the water
got turned off
I still
got naked
and had
you know
my little
boat…

moms who smoke
that’s how
they dream
Jul 2018 · 78
removal musics (xxiii)
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
this machine
it counts
for your mother
your father’s
sheep

that’s all it does
but is very
large

(everything
from the year it broke
is remembered
by the dog
that looked
with me
at the mouse

I ate for
Jul 2018 · 51
estimations. longings.
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
to adopt
god
the paperwork
alone
Barton D Smock Jul 2018
[removal musics (xxi)]

the agreeable loneliness
of dog
and the detail
I don’t
go into-

binoculars
and the neck
of christ-

~

[suggested titles]


nothing goes through puberty quite like the hands of children who keep track of god

-

for every cutter born in an Ohio treehouse,

-

an infant becomes attracted

-

I got a splinter.  someone gave me a goldfish  

-

for what image have you taken root

~

[in the toy aisle making a promise to my hands]

footprint
a gift
oh if bird
could nightmare

~

[removal musics (xxii)]

the first thing an ant does is close its eyes. of the three people who identify your body, all are god. no one was meant to write.

~

[response musics (v)]

the splinter in your wrist
you start to worry
is it warm
no one
gives birth
while you’re
asleep
so what
you can’t describe
an action scene
to god

~

[response musics (vi)]

what would I say
but there were people
and I was sad

why would it return
this once
your sister
acting out
rabies
in private
and why

were we there
how much
glue

is a scar
of glue
Jun 2018 · 63
removal musics (xx)
Barton D Smock Jun 2018
a skateboard
on a kitchen table
I am
in your dreams
more possessive
balloon
a sort of theft
what
to imagery
is a month
a backpacking
angel

a confused
Jun 2018 · 192
be
Barton D Smock Jun 2018
be
as surgery
is to god
Jun 2018 · 59
removal musics (xix)
Barton D Smock Jun 2018
I still need a mother for my action figures.  still pray for the baby in the hand-soap commercial.  still make, in dream, symbols for what died there.  still hold photography

as god’s
early love.
Jun 2018 · 111
(.three.)
Barton D Smock Jun 2018
[dying brother with microscope]

last night
a horse
left Ohio
and waited
seven seconds
before
clopping back

(all cats had my sister’s tongue)

angels
had fingernails

and fish food
taste

~

[palimpsest]

illness
as diary
we

are underwater
where eating
was discovered

(this is our
joke
that on land
god is waiting
to cut
a birthday cake
for the non
born
the non
below...

our grief comes in pairs
to the animal
it looks
most like

~

[easy]

a ghost and an angel compare childhoods

(we’ve all
let our food
get cold
Jun 2018 · 141
spider bites
Barton D Smock Jun 2018
I lose
at times
the names
of the boys
I hid from…

not an angel, I am allowed
to love
the baby
Jun 2018 · 119
predictive text
Barton D Smock Jun 2018
he knows three languages
but hurts me
in one

-

our baby hasn’t spoken in years

-

we were left two insomniacs

they are slowly
picking teams

-

satan has no memory of passing through deer
Jun 2018 · 85
airbrushing
Barton D Smock Jun 2018
the children
how they love
their self
harming dog
Jun 2018 · 122
how to say lover I'm sad
Barton D Smock Jun 2018
pocket
the small christ
of lover’s
grandmother

have, later, a weak
child, a sibling
of some
nobody…

imitate
when alone
at the grave
of that clumsy
cat

the sound
of a sobbing
tacklebox
Jun 2018 · 69
suggested titles
Barton D Smock Jun 2018
boneless angel whose love of knitting)

(the boy from the second garden takes a bath
Jun 2018 · 114
removal musics (xviii)
Barton D Smock Jun 2018
out loud, Ohio sounds like some kind of eating contest

-

a mother here is partial
to prose

to the ovenly quiet of a spotted tornado

-

oh human
thumbprint
in a horse’s
ear

when was it
that emptiness
left
the sea

-

is meal
the most common
bruise
Jun 2018 · 302
returning
Barton D Smock Jun 2018
this was after your brother had died everywhere

I was calling shotgun for poverty’s mistress
during a game of shirts and skins

I think by then
jesus had fed
nearly two of the five
thousand
with a sunburn
and an ambulance

& most animals were still having four dreams)

anyway, something flew into your mother’s mouth
and the look on her face
told nobody
it had teeth
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