Angie: Favorites

Feb 2014 Angie

JDK

I heard her sing a silent song.
By the time I'd learned the words,
she was already gone.

She wasn't here for very long,
but I am still haunted by her verse.
I heard her sing a silent song.

It resonated in my bones.
I vibrated with yearning.
She was already gone.

A mute melody to quell the dawn,
and keep the world from turning.
I heard her sing a silent song.

Like a whisper from the moon to hold back the sun,
I close my eyes and I’m no longer sure
if she's really gone.

Imprinted in the earth after the eclipse was done;
her lyrics washed up on the shore.
I heard her sing that silent song,
but she was already gone.

My first villanelle. Written for class. (It's still stuck in my head.)

Feb 2014 Angie

Proud

Feb 2014 Angie

Jordan Frances

Proud

You will never admit if you are proud of me.
That word will never be heard
Uttered from behind your blistered lips
Between your cracked teeth
Locked into your chiseled and hardened jaw line.
If one is to make it out
It will never be directed at me.

Recently, the closest I've gotten to such vernacular is
Words that insinuate this meaning.
You tell me how much I do
And how you were wrong in calling me
Lazy, slovenly, and unmotivated.
You then however
Say a few more things that I could be doing.
You are never content with me as I am
Then you wonder why I feel the same way.

Your trenchant criticism ignites a spark
Inspires me to work harder
But sometimes that is until I just can't take it anymore
Until I fall apart.
Never do you notice
Before it is too late to reel me in.

It is never before you get a call from the guidance department
An email from a friend
A report from my therapist
That you begin to put on a show
Act like you care.
Maybe you do,
But it also seems to annoy the hell out of you
Every time I dig myself into a hole.

Maybe I want you to listen without speaking.
Maybe I want you to notice without confrontation.
Maybe I want you to help me without accusations.
Maybe I just want you to be proud of me always
Including when I **** up.

Feb 2014 Angie

Drop Out

Feb 2014 Angie

Jordan Frances

Drop Out

The term, people use it as a synonym for
Stupid
A failure
Well, maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental.

High school *****,
We all know that.
But when they make your life a living hell
And your best friend is expecting
What are you supposed to do?

It's not only students
But teachers who bully you.
Just because your friend got pregnant
Apparently you are all ***** now.

You couldn't handle it
Couldn't take it
It was doing serious damage to your psyche.
So Mom signs you out at sixteen
Contingent on the fact
That you get your GED.
Sounds fair to me.

But no, apparently because you're a drop out
And because you smoke
That makes your irresponsible
According to my parents
And my holier-than-thou high school "friends"
Who treat me like dirt

You are one of the most accepting people I know
You are beautiful, and have not had an easy life
You are more than what they tell you
You are more than a high school drop out.

For Mina

Feb 2014 Angie

Beautiful and Forgotten

Feb 2014 Angie

Jordan Frances

Beautiful and Forgotten

At the bottom of the ocean
In a city on a hill
Caught in the throws of any cliche
But it better be extreme.

They left you
Wailing and afraid
I still hear your screeching voice
In the middle of the night
Or in the dawn of morning.
Is she yelling out of pain
Or out of excitement and delight that it's over?

I can't get it out of my head.
A young kid, standing in a field
Abandoned and unveiled for all the world to see.
A preteen, climbing a mountain
Built out of quicksand and depression.
An adolescent, tripping and stumbling
And not just because of the substances
That impair her fading judgment.
Yet, she's not knocked down.
She still believes in love.
Why?

Sick and jaded you
And unassuming me
Meet at some crossroads
Or maybe it's just a street.
The similarities are awe-inspiring.

Really, the poem has no reason
It makes no sense
Just as life should be.
And I love it that way.
But so many people are so serious
We have looked the other way
And decided that our existence is nothing special
But in reality, it is beautiful
Beautiful and forgotten.

Feb 2014 Angie

Leave Nothing Behind

Feb 2014 Angie

A B Perales

Leave Nothing Behind

I
feel
nothing but
humility
as I stare
at my
past and
watch
it all fall
away
like
a shale
cliff
loosened by
the
thunder

Feb 2014 Angie

Difficulties(10w)

Feb 2014 Angie

Guss

Difficulties(10w)

I wish I was a haiku,
but it's too hard.

Feb 2014 Angie

Writing Letters to Dead Friends

Feb 2014 Angie

Jordan Frances

Writing Letters to Dead Friends

Hey you,
I've been thinking a lot recently
Wondering how this could have happened.
Five months and I'm still not over it.
But at least now I'm somewhat functional.

Did you know I used to feel the same way you did?
Wanting to end my life
By some self-inflicted act
The rush of a knife,
The avalanche of pills
Anything to make me feel okay
To run away.

Can I tell you the truth?
Sometimes I still do.
But I owe it to you
To get better.
And I know you would say
I owe it to myself as well.

So yes, I've written about you before.
About the sacredness of your memories
About how it breaks my heart to miss you.
But today, I just wanted to say thank you.
You've had a weighted hand in
Saving my life.
And you probably don't even know it.

So, in conclusion, sincerely and, as always, love
Me.

For Colin, you were always perfect.
We miss you more than you will ever know.

Feb 2014 Angie

A Loner's Prayer

Feb 2014 Angie

Jordan Frances

A Loner's Prayer

I don't know why
I have felt so discouraged recently.
Thinking about it,
I have done the unimaginable.
I have conquered this eating disorder monster
By myself, essentially.
No help from my family,
All I get from them are trenchant comments and pernicious jabs
About my weight and my habits.
Friends and mentors who should have been there
Left much to be desired.
With a little bit of therapy
I have chosen a better life for myself.
So why weep now?
I have overcome the unthinkable
But my race is not over yet.