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HeavenLee Pagan Mar 2018
I want you to want me. But I don't want it blindly, or full of grandiosity.
I am willing to work for you. To build something new... if that's what you want to do. At times my ideas are a childish. It's a defect that I can admit. But honestly, I've grown a bit. Sometimes I want to question your motives, and mentally wrestle what my role is. However, I know that behavior is erosive. Sometimes I want to ask if you're just playing, if your language is crafted or just what you're saying. However, that's a game of shaming . I won't let my insecurities cause this to ruin. Because I don't want your golden token. I really just crave your human. I want you to show me your brusies and scars, up close and personal, not from afar. And in my mind, write your memoirs.
HeavenLee Pagan Dec 2017
My flower
is not beautiful
it has weathered over years
the first hands to touch it
bruised it with fears

My flower
is Not Innocent
over time it grew thorns
many of manhood it has
unapologetically torn

My flower
is not vibrant
petals have been plucked
what remains is dull
And covered in muck

However,
Rejoice

My flower
is still growing
Learning to water it daily
Reaching for the cosmos
And becoming heavenly.
HeavenLee Pagan Dec 2017
It leaves me frayed
That words that get praised
Are about love lost, love gained
Love lost, again.

Thoughts of kisses
That you miss.
That are as soft as clouds
And make hearts grow some pounds.

Or

As if broken hearts
Are the only common part
Of our lives on planet Earth,
Bonding over universal hurt.

Well, ****,
Maybe they are.
HeavenLee Pagan Dec 2017
Have you ever had the kind of tears that seep through closed eyelids? The Waters of your Humanity that penetrate the earth of your body, and the fire of your soul, and the air of your breath? And as they run down your cheeks into the corners of your mouth, you realized the salt of Your Love tastes more like catastrophe paired with creation than an essential mineral of existence? And just when you've convinced yourself that they are a display of destitution you realize they smell more like home than the cookies your grandmother used to make? And to top it off once you felt like you could pinpoint your despair in a word, after that you realize that you didn't know the word for feeling everything? Then you curse the Gods and rejoice in them for making your pain your medicine?
Free Verse
HeavenLee Pagan Dec 2017
Upon awakening
I was short of breath
(maybe from getting over a cold)
And the fog, in it rolled.

Even the Earth
Was struggling to concentrate
(Like a cosmic child, she pouted)
Her mind, it was clouded.

The air is brisk,
The sun was hiding,
(We all need rest sometimes)
And poets can run out of rhymes.

Today is the day,
Your body will return to her
(Is Earth sad, or just preparing)
And the mortals are left staring.

Back to Mother
Your journey is ending
(Or has it just begun)
A child of love, you no longer run.

Sleep tight
The heavens are your playground
(Save energy to dance with stars)
Only in death is the Universe ours.
Rest in Piece, Lovely Warrior.
HeavenLee Pagan Oct 2017
You've clouded my mind
for the first time, in a long time.
I'm falling apart
picking up the pieces of my broken heart.

Never again will I open up
my soul to such terrible luck,
for a man as perfect and as blind.
You hold my essence in this tight bind.

I can see your lovely face.
I can hear your swimming voice.
I can remember ever place.
I can feel my fleeting choice.

Do you ever run out of space
for another tally mark?
Or is it a treasure case
for necklaces on your guitar?
HeavenLee Pagan Oct 2017
Quietly I sit upon the sails
Quietly I wait for morning bells
Quietly I see what you don't tell

In the morning sun will truly rise
In the light hopes and fears will die
In the wild hear a pleasant cry

Walk until our debts are paid in full
Walk until we turn to lovely fools
Walk until the air is nice and cool

Sit and bask in the chilly breeze
Sit and rest tattered toes and knees
Sit and wait then those worries leave

Remember to do just what you're told
Remember not to follow your own soul
Remember we can easily be sold.

By the night these notions will fall
By the night hear the owl's call
By the night discover what you saw

People think flowers are for the spring
People think wasps only sting
People think it's all about the ring

There's a fire that burns inside of us
There's a love better than any lust
There's a home worthy of your trust

— The End —