So this is the one thing you'd talk to me for
to say you have enough scars
and don't need any more

I wish you'd throw it in my face
instead of sending it sideways
I wish you'd scream and yell of all your pain
that I've caused you all these days

Spit in my face, I'd be happy for the contact
and I wouldn't need to react
I want to hurt and let you see it
Don't care? I don't believe it
I don't believe our lives aren't meant to touch
Neither of us can really walk without a crutch
I miss having you to lean on; it wasn't much
but it was everything at the same time
Nothing compares; not even  small crime
(the excitement isn't so sublime)
or reason or words or perfect rhyme
(and I can't even rhyme worth a dime)
Life makes no sense in this trench in
a constant state of pain and tension
Waiting for a word or  healf-hearted glance
to break me from this wretched trance

I wish you knew I was hurting too
But you'll see me trying endlessly
and running into trees and breaking my knees
and crying as the sun sets on my chaos
because it just doesn't end, it only morphs
and lately I'm so alone that nothing matters
Love can't stop the wind and rain patters
and darkness may swallow my mind but
I might not care to ever find
myself again
and hurt myself again
and hurt you again
and make no sense again
But I never made sense...

Despite all my uncertainty I know I can't be
the one who lets you slip away from me

So I have a response, to your message
that I received today
(from a friend, in your sideways way)
I want you to know that
I see your sadness and pain
I see your scars and fears
I'm filled with shame
I'm disgusting and deserve
the nasty names
Yet I look forward to the day of your forgiveness
when maybe I'll have cleaned up this gross mess

I'll keep looking and hoping for us to lock eyes
Every time I try my fear amplifies
Sometimes I wish for a disguise
but I'm done telling lies

I don't dream, like I did, so many days ago
of your skin, lips, tongue; I don't
want to; I
have no need.
If I could close my eyes forever
and collapse and fall past my bones
and speak in our language
I would know satisfaction.

It's not my body, it's
my being
craving the long-lost touch of you

I want to forget looking down
Gaze with me
we'll connect
again
Our hearts will rock together
again
(but differently)

I know you are trying to
break through the barrier that is
a body, turned from me,
running.

I won't cry, I'll just laugh
and peel carrots and
paint windows with math and
lace up these running shoes,
and wish I could run away, too,
and wish I could chase you.

words are fragmented earth
elements seeping into the wind currents
clustering in empty spaces and
slowly gathering at our feet
dead and brown like the leaves,
but perhaps lacking beauty

words are time as they pass through
cold lips into empty air
empty ears, filled with empty sounds,
void of meaning

words are safety as they blanket themselves
around people trying to hide
empty people, filled with empty fear,
void of meaning

move their mouths, shape their sounds
vowels consonants breaths
empty eyes, black holes, empty souls,
void of meaning

words are the cage of the trapped
they can be controlled but nobody
knows how

i can trample grass and
step on bugs and flowers
all in an innocent evening
of lying in a field thinking
blinded by starlight
in my own company

but if i were to close my eyes
and if the creatures ceased their songs
and leaves ceased their rustling
and city sounds faded into my thoughts
then i would be left with myself

who then shall take me
if i am such sad company
to only me?
i make no difference for
stars or trees
or birds or bees

easy to arrive at the thought
that loneliness is less a problem
than living

so close to freedom yet
im putting up bars that dont let
in any light im losing sight
cant tell left from right
or wrong
wish i could sing it in a song
but i cant hear a sound
i only feel my heart pound
and my shaking cry
aimed upwards at a blackened sky
my bodys pinched from head to toe
and theres no room to grow
i cant even feel but for fear
and its only been a year

She's a wrecking ball creating a path of destruction
playing the arts of deception, seduction,
afraid to love, she lashes out against
herself, her family, friends; now she just resents
all those who left her in her madness
and all along, it was only just sadness.

I don't believe there's a soul to love me
but maybe I've fulfilled my own prophecy.