This is the pattern I see behind
my eyelids
and when I look at a leaf
or perhaps just the ocean from afar
It's in my reflection, looking up at me from
the rippling water
It's in the veins of my hands, which I
don't know so well
It changes like the moon day by day,
but the cycle repeats.
It's a song; music; perfect
It's in my head, clear like bells, and
then I'll lose it in a moment.
I can follow it but never recreate it.
It's everywhere. It's the taste I feel in my pores.

Sometimes I'm lost or afraid and I think
I forget it's there.
I lose the pattern; I close my eyes and
see nothing.
I disconnect.

This is you, and the pattern in your eyes,
and the energy in your gaze,
connecting me to the world.
There's a song in my head again, clear like bells,
like music; perfect
found in a moment, in a gaze, in a touch,
in a smile, in everything
I remember it's okay.

so natural
to laugh the way we do.
so right to
look at your face,
imagine what it would be
like to touch,
imagine you close your eyes
and breathe softly,
and me, asleep beside you.
Why should I turn away?

sometimes wish you knew,
sometimes know you already do.
guess you don't say anything
because nothing can happen, but
I know that's not true.

moments, seconds, minutes
listening to your laugh ring
in my head
and feeling your breath on my neck
being happy
because I smiled
because you smiled
because I can imagine
your fingers in mine, and
the smell of your collarbone.

Kisses are only kisses;
wishing for tendernesses
and soft caresses in the light of
the moon

to wish the way i do
get lost in laughing with you
the way we always do,
so natural.

I saw a leaf on the ground
stepped on, dry, cracked
and I felt sorry
But still it floated when the wind came up.

I saw the broken egg on the ground
below the nest
and I felt sorry
But still the others learned to fly.

I saw the ice cream on the ground
the child crying
and I felt sorry
But children are amazing; they don't stay sad.

In the middle of the desert
there is nobody
it is flat and barren, and the wind
stings with sand.
But still the cactus sings.

They march instead of walk
through snow and water, sand and rock
and dictate every time they talk.

Impervious, their eyes burn red
pierce you with fire, fill you with dread
they have no souls, are worse than dead.

They are the vision of your perfect fear
infecting those you hold so dear
and don't allow a single tear.

Come January they gather stones
to scare you while you turn to bones
they laugh at your shivers and your moans.

Spring arrives they gouge your eyes
to keep you from seeing flowers rise
forever stuck with gray and black and cries.

Spare you this, the summer heat?
Not; they strap coals to your feet
and smirk at the blind attempting retreat.

Still heartless as arrives the Fall
they decide to test you at your crawl
they cut the legs off one, off all.

They cause you nothing but a year of agony
regrets and loss of sanity
still They go down in infamy.

Were you to go back in time
you'd surely find your own rhyme
and take your chances on your dime!

Now too late to run away
they own you night and day
ah, but a life, thrown away.

I was lying on the floor thinking, listening to the raindrops outside,

I was living in a memory.

Hairs stand on end at the chill of a lost touch.

Sighs drift into silence in contempt.

The sun is gone for hours more, but I don't miss it.

We hide in moonlight and white noise;

we hide in pure sight.

Thoughts echo and repeat and it's the same scene

running in my head.

I like the roughness of bark and the feeling of sturdiness.
the texture, unique and familiar like a footprint fading in the sand,
more trustworthy than most things that grow and change
things like people unknowingly trained to lie
like fingernails that dig up flesh,
fingernails that were dead the moment they tried to breathe.

I like the scrape of bark on my bare feet.
After I flinch and almost stumble
My heart pounds; I feel real.
I hold the tree and it holds me.

One day I will put up a swing on that branch,
trust it more than words or feelings.
I'll swing in a sundress and feel the sky.
I'll sing to the tree that doesn't judge
and its leaves will whistle along into the wind.      

One day I'll climb up the trunk with bare feet.
I'll go past my branch and go higher
feel twigs snap and scratch; feel it smooth like velvet
At the top I'll have wings.

I'd like this to be my world, so simple
I like the way I feel alive, in the wind
with the song of the leaves
with sun-tickled skin and a head full of smiles
with bark under my bare feet.

I never told anyone that because they'd laugh.
I'm waiting for somebody who will listen
instead of waiting to talk
I'm waiting for someone to see me like
I can't see myself
and (if I'm honest, if I remember what honesty is)
to hold me back from running away.

Arms are more comforting than bark
but I wouldn't know.
Anyway, a branch won't die.

If you want to find me, I won't see you.
You can yell, but I'm not sure I will recognize
real words.
I've only heard screeches and barks, and lies.
I'll be at the top of a tree not looking down,
standing on a branch with bare feet
waiting to grow leaves or wings,
or for someone to sing and laugh or say my name,
or to help me remember love.

I think it
might have
maybe
been yesterday,
or the day before,
when it happened

Noticed the room was
different, and the silence was
all of a sudden empty

Realized what a glimmer is
because it
wasn't

Reached and grabbed air
felt my own nails press into my palms
squeezed my eyes  and i think a
tear dropped
swallowed into the hardwood and the silence

I think I stopped caring
I think I finally lost myself
in a memory forever
or a dream
it's so much easier, after all

better to be alone than to feel lonely...

there used to be a mirror in the corner,
and a window
i think i remember

i have scars from the broken glass
i'm white as a ghost
but i don't notice
besides, i'd rather not be
seen
i'd rather hide my red-eyed reflection and
the dust in my hair

maybe i died
but i don't know because that day,
yesterday or the day before,
i stopped feeling

perhaps it was
maybe
actually
a few years ago.