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Bambi Oct 2013
I'm forced to the ground.
Im laying down.
My hands, and feet are tied.
I'm wearing a blind fold.
My back rest against something hard, like metal.
My legs rug against each other, as I try to escape.
I feel a hand rub down my side.
And one on my face.
I hear laughing.
I feel them touch my legs.
I stop fighting, knowing I cant stop them.
I feel a pinch in my thigh, it runs deep trough my body.
Then my eyes start to close, knowing they injected me.
I wake up blindfolded.
I take the wrap off my eyes to find i'm on the side of the road.
With a big, white, *****, revealing shirt.
No pants, or underwear.
I blush, groaning, as I start my journey to find home.
Bambi Oct 2013
Meow meow meow, meow meow.

Meow

Me-ow

Meow.

:3
Bambi Oct 2013
A day of laughter, excitement fills the air as the cupcake is delivered for that was all they could afford. Sizzling candles, each with a swirl of color, thirteen representing thirteen years of his day of birth. Sad that he shall grow up with little money, yet with a world of kindness, not greed. Happy day for him. A mother cries, as she looks in his eyes to see that he is a teenager, not her little baby. He now is only 7 years from adult hood. He is blessed with a heart of steel, a mind of hope, a graceful mind. "Thank you he says, but ma'am I wan't you to wish in light, and blow the dream to god, for he shall make true." "Oh, honey thank you." She blows out the candles with a tear now on the cupcake. She takes a bite... She smiles "Thank you. I love you" "I love you to ma!" They hug, they smile, they cry. "Happy birthday... I love you..." She whispers then slowly dies in his arms. He knew it, he cried, he forgave the secret she kept. "I love you to" A tear.
Bambi Oct 2013
A day of relief...

Her vulnerable body lay still, on a bed of pedals. Wilting flowers crumbled under the pool of blood around her. Dead. No one saw the pain in her eyes, the death that has occurred. She died with a smile, a tear, a mind finally in peace. The harmony  of the piano was perfect exit of her life; the tears of loved ones are released at the funeral. Her spirit watches over screaming to the mourning, asking them why they are crying, her death is a miracle not a tragedy... My death is a miracle, not a tragedy.
Bambi Oct 2013
Clouds
                                        
Released
        ­  
Alone
                                                        ­                                  
Sun
                                           
                                                                                                          Moon
                                                           ­       
Aeronautical
  Animate
                                
Dispersed
                                                      ­                                                         
                                                                Insurmountable
                        
Winged
Bambi Oct 2013
A day.

A pill. 

A douse. 

A new way.

Afraid. 

A death.


Always looking.

A god.

A miracle.

A second chance.

A second life.

A halo.

A pair of wings.

A white wonderland.

A beauty.


A tear.

A brother.

A sister.

A mother.

A father.

A family.

A smile.

A laugh.

A happiness.


A cloud.

A rest.

A dream.

A death.

A tear.

A tragedy. 

A commotion.

A smile.


A thanks to you.

A thanks to him.

A gift for me.

A gift for you.

A way to say, I miss you.
Bambi Oct 2013
In a life time I wont do as expressed ,yet I remain to feel faint. A world of sorrow; regret is what I live by. Sunshine rises for everyone to hide in the dark shade and let there wants lift, as others needs fade. My life as a view to others is a sad, melancholy, very dark life to live. Of coarse I won't live my life out to the fullest, because i'm afraid of the people in the journey of a life time.
Bambi Oct 2013
I feel this may be the beginning, the beginning through the end.

I feel of nothing.

Theres is nothing to fear, to wilt, to hide from.

Thus a care has not been given from others to me.

I am alone.

  
A dark room filled with light.

Depressed and sorrow tis me.

I shun the needs and wanting.

I wait.

A window brings in the sun and thus the moon.

I feel of no reason to smile.

I want to hide the fact of facing any fear of mine.
Bambi Oct 2013
Another day of torture.

Another year of pain.

Another razor painted.

Another way to cry.

Another reason the scream.

Another time to die...
Bambi Oct 2013
The beauty in me is not beauty,

but a beast.
Bambi Oct 2013
I grow,

Then I rot.

I smile,

Then I cry.
Bambi Oct 2013
My body is still. I enjoy the air. I live out the freedom in the moment. My chest up, down; breath after breath. Dress flowing with the wind. My bare feet, toes twine with the grass. The water at the end of the cliff bouncing off the dirt forming an army of waves, a battle. The moon center of my view, my mind. I am at peace. I am fearless. I am home.
Bambi Oct 2013
Feeling the beat of my heart start to match the tune of the music.
Swaying my hips slowly, back and forth, to the rhythm of the song.
Moving my feet, pounding them to the floor.
Resting my hands on top of my head.
Letting my chest breath, in, out.
My neck creasing around in circles.
Flipping my hair to the opposite direction my face is.
I let my voice moan to the beautiful sound.
The song is over.
And I am ready to press repeat.
Bambi Oct 2013
To me a Dandelion is not only a ****, killed, hated, yet god's prayers, for every wish to become true. Yet a beautiful sprung grown, flower wanting to be a rose, but accepting the fact that being a Dandelion is good.
Bambi Oct 2013
November 19, 2012
The chair beneath my feet; the noose around my neck, slightly tied to the end of a branch attached to a white, dust ocean, fan. Tears pour out of my eyes, down my pail cheeks, into my shirt; soaking up the moisture of a melancholy, excruciating, life all in one drop. "Why am I here? Will anyone miss me? What the f**k did I do wrong? Why… Me?" screaming the words aloud yet, with out a sound. Telling my self every thing I have, who I have. A mother that all ways wants to help, a father that doesn't care, a little brother clueless yet, dreadful; and yet again I try to put on my "happy mask" and just smile, it doesn't work. I am dead; all of the bullying, the joking, the abuse, I cant take it anymore.
Bambi Oct 2013
^

/Tis me...\

/Grimm is my name.\

/Death is my passion, my hobby.\

/People fear my coat of black, my skeletal figure.\

(How I drift to and fro above ground visiting others.)

\I am the thing you can't rome nor hide from./

\I am you're passage gate of two roads./

\I am you're future./

\I am death./

V
Bambi Oct 2013
Right now.

I wish to die.

My future is death.

Why the hell do I write.

There is no point.

I don't know.

I am depressed.

I am sorrow.

I re-write everything, 
just in different format.

I don't care.

I won't be missed.

I am not loved.

I write.

I am tired.

I am in pain.

I am sorry.
Bambi Oct 2013
It hits.

Words roam together. 

I fall to the floor.
Bambi Oct 2013
A day to me is a world of              nothing. 
      



In a box lay                                              nothing.    ­­        
                
  
                   
                                Space                                 everywhere.
  
         Empty
Bambi Oct 2013
Suicide

Death

Pain

Released

Over

Done

Blood

Rope

Tears

E­nd
Bambi Oct 2013
Do I **** everything that I love.



Everything I touch.



Everything I cry for.



Everything I needed.



Everything I kiss.



Everything.
Bambi Oct 2013
A ancient man of up to date, in search for his rugous body to expire. Very sapient, in a low spoken tone. Blackening, lusterless, tone of green eyes hazed behind his glass dome to in which seeks a luminous view. Thus being no longer youthful, such man twas engraved as my forefather. 
  Tis of thy ancestor hair a majestic, ash, of none of thee less than one inch grown out of his marble shaped, sphere, crown. Scars are thee faded memories, thus he shall not keep them in mined nor heart.
Bambi Oct 2013
Ribbon on the floor.

I can't take it anymore.

I will never be a prep.

I will never be fake.

I will never be the thing I hate.
Bambi Oct 2013
My life as a flower.

I shall wilt in fear.

I grow towards death.

I crumble the fastest.

I die by suicide,

not **** spray.
Bambi Oct 2013
The celling filed with wiggly lines.

My bed soft, mushy.

Pillow is furry, squishy.

My sheets silky, and warm.

My bed the place I slumber.

A place to say good night.
Bambi Oct 2013
Good night.

This is the last of me.

Tonight pills.

Tomorrow gone.

More tears.

More smiles.

I am sorry.

I really am.
Bambi Oct 2013
You are bright, psychedelic, jubilant. 

You have made children, parents. 

You have gave me a mother.

A life to introduce me in thus world.

I love you, we love you.

You are a streak of a sun ray.

You show me a world, new.

Green, red, pink, blue, colors everywhere.

You sing, projecting beautiful sounds. 

Leaving me to live happy.

Thank you.

I love you.

Je t'aime.

XOXO

<3
Bambi Oct 2013
"A day of life has approached me. The day of death. As others say it "My time has come." Then thee others cry. I am old now. It's just a regular type of day. Except today I lie on my death bed. It's comfy. I don't need anything. No water, fresh towels, jello. Nothing. I am sad yes, yet I do want is the pain to stop. Don't pull the plug yet. Please let me die trying. I don't want to give up. I love you." Those were his last words to me. "I love you."
  Two hours later; he died. I stayed holding his hand. After the buzzer was a tone of one. Continuing, beeeeeeeeep and so forth. I kissed him on the head. I never walked out. Yes, I cried. He was my husband. Seventy two years of marriage. I slept there because he was my home. He always told me. "Darling, I wan't to see the world. Do you mind if we sell our home and explore?" All I said was "You are my home." With a smile, after that we held hands under the roof of our house.  We married at about sixteen maybe seventeen years of age. We lived good. "I love you too." I broke. I cried. They escorted me out of there as I watched them finally put the sheet over his head. I screamed. I cried. I did not run when they put me in a room. A lady sat there in front of me and said "Please, don't scream. We will be keeping him here. Until you figure out how, well ether he will be buried or he..." I cut her off. "I under stand. May I see him one last time?" I begged "Yes..." She said with a sigh. This will be the last I will see of him. Yet again I say "I love you..." Grasping his chest holding him with all my might. 
  I never saw him again; because I ran. I ran from his last day.
Bambi Oct 2013
Blood on my arm.

Razor.

Blade painted red.

I cut.
Bambi Oct 2013
I have lost something.

Something important.

I lost my sanity...
Bambi Oct 2013
"But, I thought..."

"HAHAH fat ***, did you really think that anyone would like you. (With a crowd behind her)

"I... I just thought."

"Well you thought wrong *****! AHAH (The whole crowd laughs)"

"But what did I do?"

"You were talking **** about me, yeah he told me, go die you *****! (More laughs from the crowd)"

"No I don't talk about people... I didn't say anything"

"Oh "OK Sure" Yeah go say that you ***. No one likes you. Go **** you're self. HAHA (More)"

She walked out of the girls restroom along with the crowd. Me one the floor crying. I crawl to the nearest stall. I stay there for about 5 minutes. I soak up my tears to accept the fact that I have to go back. In my head I thought take her out, punch her, kick her, DO SOMETHING! I didn't, I wanted to. No cameras in the bathroom. No proof that anything happened that day. I wish I would have fought back. But I was afraid. Lies lead up to this. He told lies. He, she, they, them. Lies.
Bambi Oct 2013
Pain through my body.

World of hate. 

Hatred. 

Pain.

****.
Bambi Oct 2013
I loved you. Why did you leave me? I miss you. Please haunt me. Did you see a light? You were mine, now your his. I told you to stay home. You learned not to drink and drive, she didn't. You died not her. You are my one and only. You are my lost love.
Bambi Oct 2013
It is 2:07 am and me and the love my live sitting, laying on the ground. "I love you." He whispered so close to my ear I feel the heat, the moisture from his mouth, breathing the words down my neck. "I love you too." I say with a smile. His lips make contact with mine as we indulge on a kiss. Holding joining together, twining together. We look up at the stars, one falls "Make a wish." He said so gracefully, with a smile. He looks at me, as my eyes closed clenching his hands a whispering to myself. "I wan't to be with you for the rest of my life." As they leave, behind the mint 57 chevy, trunk open, he gets down on one knee and ask a question that every girl want's to be asked, yet he used a different term. "Wish granted." "She smiles and cries at the same time. "I love you." "I love you too."
Bambi Oct 2013
They scare me.

I hide.

They scream at me.

I run.

They laugh.

I cry.

They are free.

I am stuck.


My mind is them.

The people.

The faces.

The words.


To me.

Towards me.

Behind me.

About me.


There words taunt me.

They haunt me.

They don't **** me.

I **** myself.


There voices.

In my head.

Night, day.

Always and forever.

They stay.

The memories.

The words.

In my head.

The memories ****.

I forgive.

I don't mean it.

I try to forget. 

But always fail.

The memories.
Bambi Oct 2013
Mom, you have showed me to laugh.

Tough times at school.

Grades, people.

You shined through.

Strait from heart to heart.

You are a positive.

You made me.

You are me life instructor, my way to life.

You have showed me a path.

I am a purpose.

I am rain.

You don't hide like other when I may start create lightning bolts.

No, no you, you calm me, create me.

I love you.

Thank you mom.

Tough times shine through when you are near.

You are my hero.

You are my god.

Sometimes my only belief.

I love you, yet again said.

But not expressed.

You always ask me.

"Amber, how much do you love me?"

Well mommy, this is it.

I love you.

Thank you.

<3
Bambi Oct 2013
My lackadaisical soul. Very depleted, stale, in which rome the damp, disconsolate rain. Soaking up my clothes, to divulge my skin. Thus laying  motionless, inert. I am drenched. I love it. Being solitary, alone. Better than lied to. I love observing; listening, watching. I am silent, bashful.
Bambi Oct 2013
I hurt myself today. To see if I still feel. I focus on the pain; the only thing thats real.

~ Jonny Cash



I wish that sometimes I can really show myself, without being questioned.

I want to speak my mind, without being blocked or suffocated.



What have I become. My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in thee end.

~ Jonny Cash



I know right when I publish this people question, still I wont go and unpost.
  
I feel as if left raveled, taken together, question in a box.

Yet again I must be questioned.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades

roll by dragging my decaying body behind it.

Im to young to drive away.

Im to afraid to run.

What will happen when I get home today?

I question myself, I order myself.

It is killing me not to speak.

Yet I must remain quiet.
  
I am sorry, for I must remain concealed.

You did raise me right.

You did treat me well.

Its me.


Beneath the stains of time. The feelings disappear. You were someone else I am still right here.
~ Jonny Cash
Bambi Oct 2013
I hurt myself today. To see if I still feel. I focus on the pain; the only thing thats real. ~ Nine Inch Nails
I wish that sometimes I can really show myself, without being questioned.
I want to speak my mind, without being blocked or suffocated.
What have I become. My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in thee end. ~ Nine Inch Nails
I know right when I publish this my grandma will call and question, so my mom will go on unpost, leaving me raveled, taken together, question in a box. Yet again I must be questioned.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades roll by dragging my decaying body behind it.
Im to young to drive away.
Im to afraid to run.
What will happen when I get home today?
I question myself, I order myself.
It is killing me not to speak.
Yet I must remain quiet.
I am sorry, for I must remain concealed.
You did raise me right.
You did treat me well.
Its me.
Beneath the stains of time. The feelings disappear. You were someone else I am still right here. ~ Nine Inch Nails
Bambi Oct 2013
We are all here for a reason.

That reason is unknown.



The flowers are my god.

They are there, no one can explain them. 

No one...

Flowers are my belief.


They get crushed, yet bounce back up.

They are calm, colorful, fragranced.



What is your God, your Belief?
Bambi Oct 2013
Words have taken over my life. They control me. I am alone. I am afraid. I have been bullied. Years. Beaten with words. Hated with words. Betrayed. Stabbed. Doubt traced it's way to my mind and soul. I am infected. Not loved. Stolen. Taken. Kidnapped. Someone is disturbed by me. I have no friends. I write of sorrow. I am still waking up. My safe place in life is in my music. The only thing I have. What has began. This is a terrible story. This is my life, ******* words, the thing suffocating me is my life, how pathetic. No self control. No risk's to take. No way of living. Everything written by me is disgrace to others. Shocking. "Wow, what a brilliant mind she has. She needs to be more happy though." Shut up, I will not change. Not for anyone. This is me, don't like it then don't read it. Don't ******* judge me just by looks. I am tired of hatred remarks from ones inner opinion. Cussing. Screaming. Last year, I got picked on the bus, like every single day. That one day I had enough crap from the girls at school. One guy sad the last thing and I snapped. I cried I showed him that I have a weakness, that I am weak. I still cry. When I got home that day I through my bag in the middle of the street, screaming, cussing. One true friend standing next to me telling me "Amber, it is going to be OK," Giving me hugs. While my other "friend" says, and I quote. "Amber you shouldn't put you're bag there" Then she walk the rest of the way home. I ran to my house, bag still on the street. I lock myself in the bathroom screaming, and cutting. Blood on my wrist. Tears on my face. He did it, they have done it. "ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!" Still screaming. I never speak my mind. I don't tell my feelings. Every night I cry. Every ******* night. Go ahead think that this is for the views. It's not. It is not a lie. This is real. I am real. They are fake. The words now are just mixed up. I scream, I cry. I cry, I scream. I am crying as I am typing. I just. I don't know anymore. I am just here. You are just there. We are apart. You may not understand. You may relate. I am sorry if you can. But this is one little part of my story... Welcome to my life.
Bambi Oct 2013
Rage fills in my room as I start to cry.

Tears fill up the room, making me drowned.

Deep under, covered in water.

Soaked, drenched.

I crave a smile, let down with a frown.

Why must you drown me.

Why push me father then I am.

I see no return for life.

I see blue, shimmers of light fading.

The waves rise above me.

The thing I live on is one speak of light, soon gone.

I should float, but I swim further down.

Bubbles rise, as I finally breath.

I don't want to die, but forced.

Murdered.

You created the tears that drowned me.

You don't care.

You swim in my pool.

My pool of tears.
Bambi Oct 2013
I wish to tell you of my past. There is just not enough words. I can't find the right word. Abused, teased, told, ordered. I... My mind is full of words. I can't explain. I wan't to scream. I am alone. I write that in almost every poem. Every poem is my past. Something I don't want to remember. Why must I write out my feelings. This is random. I am sorry. UGH. I have A.D.D. I scream randomly. I cry for no reason. I laugh from at mid sentence. I stutter. I shake, not as a joke, not as a word. I shake. My hands eating, sleeping, typing, reading, writing, everyday, for no reason. I am addicted to monster, coffee, milk. Hey I just realized I am typing my problems. I guess. Oh yeah I have night terrors not night mares, night horrors. My night terrors were terrible HA it's in the name. I would dream of shapes, each shape would have a power. Like a square would control time, and in that time he can ****. I know it sounds stupid. But if something is stupid enough that my eyes open as asleep, screaming -NOT JOKING- and be able to wake up everyone in the household. HA on my birthday do you wanna know what my sister made me, of coarse you do thats why you are reading this. Well she drew shapes with angry faces on them and she taped them on my wall -which I face when I sleep-... When I woke up I screamed and punched a hole in the wall which broke my hand. "Thanks Ash."-sarcasm- Well that was I don't know a while ago, so yeah.
Bambi Oct 2013
May ye slumber to be appeased.

Till they awaken.

Thus sleep into a deep trans.

For ye to ****.

Goodnight, goodnight, sweet dreams, goodnight.

Don't let ye ****.

Don't allow ye to feast.

Fall into a coma, fight for thy live.

As thus nightmares come to life.

Good night, goodnight.

Come to life, come to life.
Bambi Oct 2013
Once upon a time,


There was a kingdom ruled by a king. This king was not happy with money, he was greedy for love. He forced love upon woman everywhere, married, underage, it didn't matter. He walked to this girl, grabbed her hand and he sooner took her to his throne, for him to be pleasured. She didn't cry, nor scream in a seek of help. She just obeyed him in any manner of doing. He was happy, he was satisfied. Later that day he forced her hand in marriage. At the wedding the priest announced for them to share a kiss, he wanted yet again more... She didn't cry, nor scream in seek of help. She did every order, every command. Till the day of his death, she cried because she was happy. With the king now dead, she is the owner of this kingdom. She had the one thing she wanted, happiness. 



Once upon a time, 


There was a kingdom ruled by a queen, and this kingdom was as happy as can be. And as simply as that, the kingdom lived happily ever after.
One
Bambi Oct 2013
One
One drop led to thee end of me. 

One douse was all I had left. 

One tear ran through my blank face.

One pill left.

One of me on the floor. 

One drop of blood hit the cold, dark tile.

One little happiness was all I had; to know that the pain is almost over.
Bambi Oct 2013
Set me on fire watch me burn.
                   
Carry the water that would put me out of the death line and drink it.                                         
                                                             ­  ­     Laugh from the success in ******.
                                                                    
Cry for the charges.
                                                        ­     ­         
                                                                You tied me to a tree,

glazed me in gasoline,                                
 
you made a spark

turn into a flame.
Bambi Oct 2013
Days pass. She watches, she whispers. "Why?" The people she sees through her window. Her basement is cold, dark, empty. Just one body lies on the floor. Hers. Up in a ball, raveled. One barred window pushed up in the wall. A boy crawls up pressing against the metal. Asking "Hello? HELLOO?" Looking at her and screaming "I will get you out, I promise!" That was the thing; she was locked in there, punishment she doesn't know what she did wrong. She can't remember. She is to weak to get up and tell him no. She can't even smile, she showed him the last thing she had left, tears. She had a blank face. Thus her black hair, tangled, long against her pail white figure. She wore a dress, or what's left of it, white, laced end. Sad, that was her first wedding dress. Once to her feet, now to her thighs. Cut, torn; she used half of it as an attempt to escape, losing her energy. No shoes, smeared makeup, she laid. She never saw that boy again. That's another promise broken. She was imprisoned. She didn't scream, he warned her "One scream, one bullet, one life." With a smirk. He locked her up. Called her names, beat her, hated her. She died that day. Knowing there is no one left. Knowing that no one cared. Her last words "I am sorry for whatever I did, I love you." She died thinking it was her fault. She still loved him. He thought she was a joke. She took it seriously. He killed, she apologized. Her vow was more than heart could say. His vow wasn't more than a lie. His vow was a lie. She should have turned when she could. On the wedding day.
Bambi Oct 2013
Child Reality (Part 1)

As a child you see the world as a playground.

Cars, driven by feet against ground, when you would run for speed.

The biggest pain you felt was a scratch.

The "Love" you gained was for a blanket, and kisses from parents.

You were a child, the saddest part of life.

When reality hits you, you'll be gone.

Blown away.



True Reality (Part 2)

Now you see the world as a grave.

Cars, passing people in need, colors of all type.
The biggest pain you feel now is the mistakes.

The love you feel now is pain, and the kisses from parents are gone, now from strangers, the kisses leading to ***.

You are a adult, following the sadness from you childhood.

The reality hit you.

You're gone.

Ashamed.


You are now tasting the scent of reality.

Gone, soon dead from reality.
Bambi Oct 2013
The fragrance of sweet red.

Leading you towards the fiery pit of pedals.

The thing of love. 

To me is the thing of death.

To mourn then place.

One by one, extinct.

The beauty of life. 

Pedals fall one, two, and so on.

Rose,
beautiful,
deadly.

Rose.
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