You were supposed to be my best friend
But I can’t find you under your skin
          [where are you hiding?]
I’ve looked to where the sidewalk ends
I’m afraid to walk around the bend

You used to be the one who loved
Now you’ve disappeared
          [invisible to be invincible]
While I’m stuck here fighting
Trying to win you back, but losing

You should have been the one to trust
That I could make it through
          [past the thorns and over the bodies]
The past I should have buried
No decisions should have varied

You would have been stronger for me
But now you push me down
            [silence can be deadly]
And I’m done fooling around
My feelings have unwound

You could be my one true friend
Though I guess you want it to end
            [But I miss your awkward laughter]
Our bonding over obnoxious behavior
I miss you as my anchor

I kept telling myself I wasn’t crazy
That I would stick it high, and maybe
Pull myself through this barbed wire
With a little help that’ll take me higher

But it seems these pills aren’t working
Still, in fact their just distorting
All my dreams and aspirations
Please shut down my imagination

Cause these lies are plain and tasteless
I’m not sure how much longer I'll take this
Naivety dressed its best
As my friends blend with the rest

I hope my heart knows this last truth
And that I won’t be a wasted youth
I may be young and reckless
But I sure as hell will never be backless

I stormed the mountain peaks so high
And I’ll push on through til the day I die
With my dignity understood by all
As for now I'll try to walk more tall

The more I say it isn’t true
The more I realize what I feel for you
You wish it wouldn’t, but it does
There are the few who see past the flaws

I keep on trying to look forward
Past these silent screamings murmured
Through the shattered glass and fears
I’ll go beyond wisdom of my years

Street smart
Street art
Street rat
That’s what they call her

Awake and taking prey
On every moment
of warmth,  Of sincerity,
Of falling ice , of prosperity

Street rat wandered down too far
Coward away buried in herself
No one could see her nor did they care
For a little old street rat couldn't compare

Street art took the next right down
Her beauty glows as she devours the unknown
The back stands tall and the quick strides progress
Stared down and pondered by all the rest

Street smart went the whole ten yards
He world is a brutal place
But they will accept my wingspan
As she loads her bags with spray cans

We come  t o g t h e r  to stand as ONE
And paint the freedom of respect
On this city we will one day call our own
we will not sway; our passion is stone

Spread the message that we are strong
we see with our real eyes  
But can we see all of the lies
Before its too late, can we realize?
And overcome.TOGETHERASONE.

you think your a poet
riddle me this
how come the scars upon my wrists
were scratched on by your fists

you think your a hero
who did you save
i see the children laughing
and i hope their hearts arent cracking

you think you deserve respect
what did you give
besides a shove down the staircase
or lesson in how to run a race

you think you understand
when did you die inside
it was all just a game to you
while i laid there without a clue

you think you earned the right
how were you a father
yea, your voice goes real loud
but it will never make anyone proud

you think your sorry
but how well was your apology made
crying and drinking dont go far
neither was the milage to the bar

you think you are forgiven
well to me, your just
a peice of nothing
yet at the same time, something

you think you are a father
hugging in fear is not love
you  squeezed so tight you broke my bones
while giving in to all your groans

you think you have an impact
on my life, when the truth is simple
the only reason i can never flee
is because you always will haunt me

you think i might just love you
but i hate you so much i dont care
because when i see the little girls on the playground
i want to cry and my mind pounds

you think i might forgive you
memories seem to clear more everyday
and ill never forgive a second youre around
id rather see you in the ground

Mommy mommy come quick!
Theres a monster under my bed
Hes been under there for
Quite some time
And bedtime I now dread

Hunny, there are no monsters
‘mommy, please just listen!’
Just close your eyes
And itll be okay
Eventually dreamland will glisten

Mommy mommy come quick!
Theres a monster under my desk
Its lurking in the shadows
Of my chair
Hes being so grotesque

Listen dear, there are no monsters
Close those lids
Picture puppies in a field
Running with butterflies
And playing with kids

Mommy mommy come quick!
Theres a monster in my closet
I know hes there
Please sleep in here
Stay all night and watch it

Babygirl, there are no monsters
Now close your eyes and rest
Relax your mind
And breathe deeply
Tonight you will sleep your best

Mommy mommy come quick!
The monster is out right now
He is kneeling at my bedside
His hands are running through my sheets
I want to disappear somehow

But he wont leave
His fingers keep wandering
Mommy, I don’t like this massage
Please make him go away
And save me from all of this hurting

perfect example
of a disaster
calm, serene, sunny day
not even the slightest chance of grey
then BAM

it hits

a huge wave of reality
crashes into my face
with its angry force
that bubbles under my lid
and floods over

it drowns

everyone in my path
because these emotions can
**** you in
yea, i can ride the wave
for awhile, until

it crashes

and im sinking into
the dark depths of my mind
sinking under the crystal blue
that once told me
it'll be OK

it thunders

louder than the silence
of his lies, my cries
white rapids force a struggle
to reach the surface
of myself

it ripples

and i begin to see through
the surface tension
this can be made right
this doesnt end tonight
frantic movements stir the water

it quiets

thinking is easier
extend arms up
push water down
break the surface
gasp for air

it whispers

the waves are calm
but lives are lost
my city lies deep below
it will always haunt me
am i still alive

it survives

Today,
                I was in love with you
                Even as you push me away
                I wanted you always here to stay

Yesterday,
                I loved you
                Fought with everything in my power
                Even climbed the tallest tower

Today,
                I will delete you
                Erase you from my phone
                Completely leave you alone

Tomorrow,
                I will remember you
                And the happiness you gave me
                The way you loved having me as your baby

Today,
                I will pray for you
                Please, god, give him the strength
                To run from me, this greatest length

liar liar heart on fire
let me clip this one last wire
then youll fall down, ******* cryer

hang the noose
it'll be our truce
give me one more chance to roll a deuce

loving isn't hating
and promising isn't faking
please stop my heart from breaking

liar liar heart on fire
as it swings to stop the dyer
beat again and take me higher

look with those beautiful eyes
stop telling all of these lies
quit trying to deny

loving is whats made for you
you know me, i love you too
hating me just isn't true

liar liar heart on fire
give back in, to your desire
with a truth i will admire

im a sinner
this rope i walk keeps getting thinner
thin enough to slice right through
my skin when you try to tie me up

to my new found casket
leave me there, make sure you latch it
because i am no longer
here, lies a monster

in my heart
eating and tearing me apart
constantly thrashing against the love
bashing against the hate

in my mind
the hate unwinds
the monster wants to tame it
whips it like a lion in a circus

thats where i am
the trapenzee swings, cannons go bam
i am the happy.one.side-
sad.other.side clown

all around me
this is what i see
this casket is my circus tent
this circus is my family

since the beginning
the lion has been winning
and now im being ripped to shreds
collect your tickets please

i want to be burned
let this lesson be learned
spread me across the ocean
and let me finally be free

I thought you said it would be okay
Every little thing, is gonna be alright
But when I come home
Instead, theyr so dead
With the weight of the boulders pressing
Down on this house
Its crumbling

I push things
Get them out of my mind
Have since I was little
Squeezing my eyes shut tight
When he came home in the dead of the night
Please let mommy be okay
The screaming haunts me

In my daydreams
My lack of focus
Frustrates me every second
So I shut it out
Close my mind
But now the haze is clearing

I thought it was different
But people never change
Jail doesn’t change a thing
The threat of life sentences
Don’t change a single, thing
But I cant teach

The lesson he should learn
Because though he gives us nothing
Without him
we have even less
No home, no education
Streets

Are glistening with the rain
My tears finally stream
And they flood the sidewalks
With their anger and fear
And stupidity
Never trust the liar

Ive always told myself
Nobody, can be trusted
But I opened up
And I let it go
Floored it
But now im crashing

As I lay pinned between the tree and radiator
I look up at the stars
Do you know how many wishes
Iv sent up to the sky
Black and blue as my body
As the stars glisten mockingly

“hunny, im home!”
Take a long look around
At the rusting support posts
And decaying furniture
This house is not a home
This house is broken

We all need, somebody to lean on
And I had you
You left me at the worst time
And it keeps going down
I hate that I needed to hear your voice
Before I attempt another goodbye

But I know it is selfish
Don’t worry
The knife is staying shallow
The pills are the correct dosage
But my tears are overflowing
At the facts laid on the table

Its too late for protection
Services asking all the wrong questions
Has he done this before?
No ****
Im glad we contacted the captain
Of town obvious

A few more years, ill have a job
Mother will too
Maybe ill tell my secret
Or maybe ill publish
The lies I was told
With the dignity I sold

I want to forgive
But I wont
And to hell will I ever forget
Because the lies the lovers have told me
Will never heal
Because my lips are sealed

Okay, so

I wasn’t really sure what I would say
My first time standing
Or if I could even muster the
Courage to write a new rhyme
So, instead, I decided to let myself go
Listen to these words, and hear my beat flow

Once upon a time
There was a little girl
And in her shiny blonde hair
Laid a few new curls
Curls caused by all the stress
Hidden underneath that fluffy pink dress

But you see, this little girl
Never knew what was wrong with her
She was always smiling and pretty
And always surrounded by others
But deep down, she had a secret
And 16 years later, she couldn’t keep it

Eventually she was going to explode
So she wrote it all down
On her loose leaf skins
And hid it from the town
And just kept on smiling
Hoping to reconnect her wiring

And then one day
The words on the pages fell open
All of her secrets spilled
With the words that were left unspoken
Suicide letters addressed with names
This girl’s life is no longer a game

Because she was done playing
Her pockets filled with posy
As she fell down to the ground
Something had changed
She was done playing around

Now she was exposed
Yet there still remained a question
For some did not believe her
She “made it up”
And she got weaker

And that day she broke down
Her mother believed her
And together they went to a psychologist
Where she didn’t speak
She needed a pathologist

Drugs slipped down her throat
For the next few years
Everyday searching for reasons to live
But he remained to haunt her
She found no reasons to forgive

Eventually she learned to block
Everything her mind saw, locked
Away were the secrets
                Restraining her
Most of the past becomes a blur

Because she won’t remember
And this November?
She’s gonna walk tall
                In her brand new smile
One that will hide her, for awhile

But as she fills herself with false pride
She still remembers the day she died
But she’s good at pretending
                Nothings wrong
For her innocence is long since gone

And now she pushes through
The crowd to meet a person or two
A new person
                That doesn’t know her
Past was full of torture

Now the ***** slips down her throat
Forgetting of the words she wrote
She’s not a ****, but won’t let anyone
                Get close enough
To ever call her smiles bluff

She keeps messing up, leaving loved ones hurt
Yet she can’t seem to hold down her flirt
Or keep the best friends close
                That she keeps on losing
Because of the path she keeps on choosing

And they say she’s got the fellas
Well aint she just a Bella
Wasted in the dawns of time
Another margarita, another lime

But she knows she’s got her mother
Who won’t put up with another
Record score of sixty nine
She keeps them waiting in a line

She won’t let down her guard again
Won’t be easy for another pen
Fifteen, she’s off the rack
Now she’s gotta make it back

Alive, in her tattered dress
Walking alone on the streets a mess
Listening to drunken shouts
Just trying to find her way out

Head up tall
Make sure you don’t fall
Promise yourself you’ll be better
Next time they’ll be no more keggers

Because this girl is not who you are
You don’t ditch your friends for a guy at the bar
It’s time to get your **** together kid
Because next time may not be undid

Apparently I’m just a bipolar *****
And apparently the "friends" I did have are too
So what I don’t understand, is how you can judge me
Because honestly? You don’t have a CLUE

******* please step down from your tower
I’m sick of these games
And how you have all this power
That you’re constantly abusing

You can leave me if you really want
Because there’s enough battles I have fought
And I don’t need you telling them
Who can be my friend, and who cannot

But if you think I’m another lost cause
You can **** on your words
As I sit back and applause
Your “valiant” effort in saving me

Guess I am single
Maybe ready to mingle
Yet
Every time I put the effort in
My heart is taken for a spin

Downtown
Where I’m left to drown
Smiling
Because I told myself no
That this happiness would all be a show

But I guess I’m too easy
Cause your silence makes me queasy
Today
All I wanted was our old talks
Or even go for a little walk

We could talk for hours
Underneath the showers
Of stars
Brightening my day
Because I thought it'd all be okay

I warned myself to never trust
Or turn myself in to this lust
Inside
For your sincerity
Instead I’m turned into a new parody

What I find the most out landing
Is the way you left me standing
In the tears you let me shed
Alone at night in my own bed

It’s funny, you see
How YOU got the best of me
And every day I try to think
About what I saw inside that wink

And when I come to think about it
There isn’t a thing I miss one bit
Because you ignored me for your friends
And the hurting would never end

Because you always told me you fought
And soon it then became a thought
That maybe you really were trying
Maybe you weren’t lying

But during this manipulation
I also had some fluctuation
With all of my different moods
And what could count for food

But I refused to see
That you couldn’t be the one for me
Because as you’d always say
You would never run away

Please take notice
As I choke this
Rhyme onto these pages
I’m done paying my wages

To a ‘man’ who couldn’t be
Or grow up enough to see
That love was not a game
And I was not one to tame

I give him credit, he did try
But when the tears came to my eyes
He wasn’t strong enough to lift
The pieces as my mind fell adrift

Don’t get me wrong though
I wish there’d be no awkward hellos
Or shifted glances
But I’ll take my chances

On taking initiative
Hell, I’ve already forgived
Because I now know it wasn’t made to be
It just took awhile for me to see

Finally, I can now move on
I am no longer your pawn
So king me
Cause I am free

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel
Because everything seems so unreal
Maybe I should have fought
[for everything I was never taught]

Sometimes, you get to me
But only because I couldn’t make you see
How I am broken
[with the words left unspoken]

Building and piling up
To the surface- where a smile lays on top
Because you should never forget
[but also never let them know your regrets]

Leaving untold emotions
As calm and unsettling as the ocean
Underneath those sad blue eyes
[a smile is your best disguise]

This feeling inside is stirring
But I’m not quite sure what’s occurring
Inside of this blonde bombshell
[deep in the pits of her secret hell]

She is starting to decay
Because the past is still yesterday
But I am thinking about tomorrow
[wishing I didn’t feel any of my sorrows]

There is no love in ***, honey
Here we only do it for the money
We do it before we become old hags
We do it for that feel good drag

Bang, bang, choo choo train
Wrap her up into those chains
Give her your best shot
What about those gels you bought?

Maybe we should play a game
You be the bad boy I should tame
Teach you a lesson
No asking any questions

Make her moan
She’ll make you groan
Until a knocking at the door
And the next day she’s called a *****

So says the media
Everyone wants a piece of ya
*** shorty shake it down
Show them how you run the town

She’s the queen bee
There on her knees
Hey, he said down in front
So now she’ll have to make him grunt

**** that, I make them say please
They all think I’m just a tease
But I like it
So I won’t quit

**** me like a rolling stone
Go ahead feed me the bone
Nice girls finish last
Good thing nice girl’s in the past

I know I’ve said erasing it
                Is not facing it
And that to face something takes bravery
Well, I’m done crying
And I’m sick of waiting
For something that will never happen

I’m sorry I missed you
And that I fell for
                “unconditional” love provided
Through thick and thin
Until the final spin
When you split

Slowly but surely
                You erased the happiness
The love we had
For one another
Slide it under the cover
To be buried with me

Now, it’s my turn
Never thought it'd come to this
                So much for learning to trust
Instead ill learn to erase
And delete every last place
I secretly hold you in

I faced it
                And I took the beating hard
While he ran
And left me standing
On a ledge looking up, praying
For answers

I’m done hurting
Done with thinking you won’t leave
                That you couldn’t have left
So I’m going to block you
From my memories for a new
Day that I will get through

My wires are
tangled up
Strangled up
And tied tight
To the chains
Keeping me down

Its time
I know
I saw the flier
Time to
Get some pliers
**** this wire

Disconnected
But the freedom
Feels too good
To go back
I wont go back
Never again
Cant hold me down

These scars
Burned on by
Hot wires strangling
While I was dangling
Above the surface
No arms
To catch me

Twisted
Red to black
Blue to yellow
Orange to white
Wrong, wrong, wrong
Get your head
******* on right

**** these wires
And your jeans
On fire
Cause you’re the liar
While I fought
But im done
I wont go back
I wont feel that


No going back
im too wired
to look back
just head forward
dont look back
chin up straight
blood is pumping
time for something

I’m running on empty
Numb to the roughest touch
But if I wasn’t, you wouldn’t hear me scream
Despite the fact that you haunt my dreams

I woke up in tears the other day
Wouldn’t mean anything to you though
I think about you all the time
But the only way you’d hear me is through my rhymes

Even though I know you never read them
Because when you shut me out
I was shut out for good
To get your attention I did everything I could

But iv never found anybody quit like you
And every day I realize I gave that up
When I went down my path of hell
And you bid me your last farewell

You used to love me
I never thought you’d stop fighting
I cried, and I fought for you
I never realized how much I loved you too

You told me to never give up
To especially never give up on somebody you love
But you gave up on me first
And I think that’s what hurt the worst

I try to block you out
‘Im working on just being okay
But I feel like there still so much left to say
And I just wish you’d come back more everyday

you think your a poet
riddle me this
how come the scars upon my wrists
were scratched on by your fists

you think your a hero
who did you save
i see the children laughing
and i hope their hearts arent cracking

you think you deserve respect
what did you give
besides a shove down the staircase
or lesson in how to run a race

you think you understand
when did you die inside
it was all just a game to you
while i laid there without a clue

you think you earned the right
how were you a father
yea, your voice goes real loud
but it will never make anyone proud

you think your sorry
but how well was your apology made
crying and drinking dont go far
neither was the milage to the bar

you think you are forgiven
well to me, your just
a peice of nothing
yet at the same time, something

you think you are a father
hugging in fear is not love
you  squeezed so tight you broke my bones
while giving in to all your groans

you think you have an impact
on my life, when the truth is simple
the only reason i can never flee
is because you always will haunt me

you think i might just love you
but i hate you so much i dont care
because when i see the little girls on the playground
i want to cry and my mind pounds

you think i might forgive you
memories seem to clear more everyday
and ill never forgive a second youre around
id rather see you in the ground

to those who are living in a dream
while i survive the human condition
its not as easy as it may seem
reflecting the words
they think
suit me,
suit me up
in this casket
of lies i am being fed
while they pry my mouth open
but i am refusing to speak, refusing
to tell the judgment that I am not weak
I will keep my past bottled up, and
when the day comes I will break
that bottle, and out will come
an ocean of emotions
but not now,
not now
these waves
remain inside of
this bottle holding the
keys, to my heart, my soul
my past, my present, my future
they do exist, and one day I will find
the hammer to smash open these
clear glass lies being forced
down my throat, scratching
until my lungs cave in
but i wont give up
i refuse
to give
up
so I
swim to
the surface
gasp for air and
know that I will make
it worth the fight I fought
the ocean of lies will not defeat
me, and I will remain on the surface
of the life I never chose to live

you mock a pig
so I laugh at your
self righteousness

you say they take all they can get
when you resent what you can't

so I laugh at the
hypocritical and contradictory words
running from your mouth

and walk away slowly
while listening to you scream for me to
run back

the love you have is reckless
and the mind sets fallen too
and in your madness youve pulled us
down this spiral of a chute

we put you before our own love
when the truth we can never conceive
like the cold, plastic, mirror you hold
to stare at yourself and tease

we know all about your weakness
and weve fallen for tricks of despair
yet the truth is theres too much love
for yourself, theres none to share

you threaten the world with a razor
text all your friends, "nows the time"
"im gonna do it for real, i swear,
because the love i have aint worth a dime"

yet deep inside your pockets
the gold and silver grows
your heart burns in its fire
while your voice prepares for the "low"

the actress you have dreamt to be
slithers out of you every day
while all of your 'friends' stand here crying
waiting to see your body pulled, from the bay

though your mind thrills itself with laughter
as it thinks of all of those fools
who stand in the crowd waiting
as the ambulence takes out their tools

but your body has slithered back home
with the purpose and love held with pride
it is selfish of you, ******* selfish
when you think of those who've really died

quit playing the part, lifes no thriller
nobody likes the antagonist *****
and everyone knows deep inside
your body will never end up in a ditch

the marks on your arms are your make-up
not funny to those who feel the drag
of the razor so sharp it can sting you
while you walk with your shopping bags

i know this game, which your playing
in all terms its become rather pathetic
and when you run to me begging
ill stare, and then laugh, im apathetic

towards this character you have created
from the bottom of your selfish mind
i know not to trust you ever
because girl, youre one of a kind

i want freedom
from the cages they created
the skinny bars taunting
those red lines daunting

i want freedom
from the looks society gives
fat girls unwanted
***** are confronted

i want freedom
from the love i have
coiled around me in barbed wire
make a move youll feel the fire

i want freedom
from the past
alcohol brings the devil
we all bring out a different level

i want freedom
from my mind
smile, smile all the time
lying is my biggest crime

did it help?

feed a cold
starve the child
ponder this for a little while

feed the addiction
starve the child
its ok if your belt whips wild

feed the economy
starve the child
another beer for the tab unpiled

feed your weakness
starve the child
of a childhood profiled

feed your infamy
starve the child
of a sober father compiled

was it worth it?

I cant
I cant let you in
To this
This mess of me
Not the best of me
I don’t want to **** you in
For you to spit yourself out
And leave me hanging by a thread
Dangling overhead
This memorywell

If I do let you in
No matter how sweet
Or kind
How understanding
You will leave
Because that’s what everyone does
Why add another burden
To a lifetimes list
Of things to do

Yea
You can do me up
Chew me up
Savor the flavor
Spit me out
And reach for a new pack
Im replaceable
Untraceable
Wana see a magic trick?
****

Gone
Like the memory
Of how much you loved me
Gone
Like the winds
Which lead me to meet you
Gone
Because at the fork in the road
You split

The pressure
Behind my eyelids
Is swelling
Salt water trickles down
Softly pattering a rhythm
To dance alone to
While the pressure
Pulsing through my body
Coarses rapidly
Soon a flood will be released

So you can see
I cannot let you in
No matter how much
I want to trust
All I can do is sin
My nights away
So hopefully
Ill get another day

One is
Better than two
Or even three
You see?
Less chaos to keep track of
Because the thought of being attached
Leaves nowhere for one to run
So lets keep it simple
Son of a gun
With the number one