i can't see
i don't know where i should be
               tumbling
           stumbling
down this long and winding road
maybe this path, will be my ode
to         w a k e
                         u p
i can't go to sleep
instead i find myself time to weep
               silently
            blindingly
the sun shines in through my window
as i roll over and pick myself up from this low
         and walk to the light
what is day and what is night?
                    when i can't see
and i don't know where
                    i should be

dear savior, i pray for you my soul to keep
and if you shall not reap
i will give in to this new day
without throwing my life away

I am white

Paint me colors dark and bright
Splatter me with your vengeful reds
And share with me your heated head
Drown me in your sorry blues
Greens and violet saddened hues
Orange and yellow shine so bright
Don’t forget those starry nights
Where your laughter painted me
The range of colors below the sea

Share with me your body’s print
By pressing up against my canvas
And when you pull away, go slow
So the paint will leave me every crevasse

I am blank

Write on me to make me dank
And don’t forget that time you cried
Or every time you’ve told a lie
Scribble down your words with ink
Don’t pause to leave you time to think
Memories make for the rest
Tell me when you felt your best
Days of laughter in your ears
Gave you wisdom beyond your years

Share with me your deepest thoughts
By writing down every moment
And when you go to shut me closed
I’ll have your soul within my parchment

I am open

Fly through my wide arm’s haven
Darkness may enclose at times
And hate may be your biggest crime
Throw away those heavy burdens
Walk away from empty basins
Come to me with an open mind
Because this love wants to unwind
Leave behind those darkest hours
For I’ll carry you with all my power


Share with me a love so true
By holding tight with laughter
Because when the bright sky shines
We know there’s before, and after

Slice me in half
And look at my insides
Do you see what you wanted
Everything you’ve denied?

Bite away the bruises
That you don’t want to eat
Maybe while your at it
Youll throw me to your feet

Carefully dissect me
Before you take all of me in
Watch out for the worms
Which crawl around within

But don’t I look so pretty?
As I shine down from that tree
Red, and ripe, and delicious
Confined within my dignity

From the outside I am perfect
-ly proportioned to your liking
Yet on the inside you keep finding
Everything disgusting

Eat away at all the beauty
Which I try and try to keep
Till nothing is here to cover me
My core is naked, and I weep

There’s a letter I’ve been writing to you
Trying to write down all that’s true
But I keep ripping
Stitching
Erasing
                Everything
Because nothing feels right
Our love was as a star is bright
And as we shot for the moon
                You carried me
High,
Above the blackened sea

Where I’m now drowning
Deep, and out of sight
Help me end this hurt tonight
Because I can’t take it
I can’t fake it
I can’t shake this

Burden rock which sinks me
As I struggle for the light which guides me
The current keeps winning
I’m no longer swimming
It is still
                Calm
The sea surrounds me
In this deep blue light
No burdens to hold me tight
                Serene
Peace, flows through my veins
As I tell myself it’ll be okay
But I’m not done fighting

No
I wanna see the stars
Gaze at me from where you are
Because I know
You learned from your mistake
You let me fall in all your grace

I fell through the surface
And sunk below
That glass ceiling wouldn’t go
But I threw my burdens
                At that wall
And shattered glass flew up tall
Where it stung you
And you looked down
To see me lying on the ground
You lift me up
                Up, and away
With a smile I see so perfectly
Within all of your imperfections
Even with my misdirection
We end up here

This sun so bright
And we are blinding
With our love tonight

the world is one ****** up, crazy, beautiful place.
we are all bipolar in our own minds and confused with our existance
we make something of ourselves based on the lies we are fed everyday
we judge  everyone and EVERYTHING, because we are always comparing
we are always ready to compare something to another thing
and that is what makes us so ******* disgusting
STOP.
and ******* listen.
listen to the steady beat of a child, and a rapidly chaotic beating of one on the brink of death

listen to the racial slurs and gender specifications and ****** orientations we implement every day

listen to the laughter and to the sobbing and to the screaming of a ‘happy’ home

listen to the gunshots and tortured souls and heartbroken soldiers footsteps on foreign land

******* listen to the things which make human beings human

women are not plastic and molded exactly the same to be sold in window displays at the mall

soldiers are not heartless and unbreakable to the bone

children who laugh are not always happy, naiive and carefree

why do we always have to listen to the media or to our best friends or our families opinions?
you have your own brain and heart
use them, and  stand up for yourself, for others, for the world
because the world cannot heal by itself
we need to act.
now.

I remember when pink tights
Were classier than skin tight
And those days when I looked up to the sky
Not because my friend just died, but because it was pretty
When the ice cream man wasn’t a creep
Just a nice jolly man staying off the streets
           Giving me ice cream when mommy wouldn’t
I remember playing my mixed tapes
Without thinking about the next ipod6 point oh
The time when I walked to the edge of my driveway just to sing
Not because I wanted to run from everything
The days when punishment was not being allowed to play outside
        Now punishment follows you till the day you die
I remember using my imagination to build myself a new world
Full of color and swirls and ice cream and day long trips to the playground
The times I couldn’t think straight because laughter wouldn’t stop ringing
       Ringing, ringing in my ears

Now I’m forced to fall down, bow down;
Hell bound in a society which does not forgive
Forced to swallow your huge fists and cheap tricks without a tear
        Swallow, swallow, don’t spit *****, swallow
Pick up those bricks lined on the sidewalk named time and enemy
And carry them to your next destination
Where you can drop them off while you pick up memory
Let’s take a walk down memory lane and see where it leads us
        The next ally is hell
Hell, maybe your memories take you somewhere different
I hope they take you places I never went
Places I plan on going someday, someway
       When everything changes
Changes like the leaves change during autumn
Jingles like the change in my pocket; echoing as I walk the silent streets
Attempting to be discreet; but jingling nonetheless
As I walk up to the man who pushed me down, watched as I drowned
And sock it to him
        Right in the face; Put him in his place
Because there is no place for him in my life
No place like home, no place like home
       Home was hell
And trust me; there is no place like the fires and wrath you’ll feel if you come home
       Ill be home for Christmas darling
Because isn’t this the life you wanted, isn’t daddy oh so charming
As he kicks us down the stairs and screams that he just doesn’t care
Thanks for the memories
Yea; I’ll be sure to stomp one to him
And rub the dog **** off my sneaker while I’m at it
Hopefully some of the spit he spat at Me will wipe off too
So yea, sure… I remember
       But I’m moving on
On and onward towards the lights shining brighter than the sun
To a place where the oceans so calm drown the fires
A place where they deny all the liars
       All but one
                Me
Because I spent my life wrapped up in my lies
Tied down by everything I tried to deny
Chained to the past as my mind ****** my future
Mind ****** out of my own mind and into another’s without a ******
Nobody knew what they were getting themselves into
       Until I gave them a piece of my disease
A little bit of my depression
Made its own kind of impression
On everyone who made an attempt to understand
But enough about that-- I’m not here to chit chat
About what I’m moving past
       As long as I pass all of my classes
Despite those, I’m pouncing forward
When I get out of here I'll jump to the moon
       Watch me
Someday I’ll have a new way with a new mood and a new dude
Who will know, but won’t be fooled by the show
Instead he’ll know my truest laughter
And he’ll know that the past doesn’t matter
Because I am me
       Let me be
And I will continue to live and breathe and smile for awhile and cry when I lie
And drink with my shrink and laugh with power during this hour of MY time

It’s my time to shine