Alone, at 'home'. A day, unpaid.
Bills to atone, fiscally afraid.
Debt of two, now on one.
Payments due, nothing 'fun'.
Survival, not 'thriving'.
OT windfalls--budget conniving.
Choices made. Austerity seeps.
The bed is laid, time to sleep.
Hardship evoked, no regrets
Deals revoked, struggle I beget
Conscious clear, I did my best.
For dollars, fear. Portents to attest.
But this is me.
Limited vocabulary.
Vernacular simplicity.
Self-imposed repository.
The Idiot with history.
The fool doling out the same lines.
An unaware pantomime.
To succinctly find.
Another pre-used rhyme.
(Look it up)
Burn me at the stake, another fake.
Dream, do not wake. For goodness sake
I take and take. Little do I make.
'Images' I bake. In my tower, I quake.
I fear the truth; I am no better than no one.
I fear abuse. A lofty status--position not won.
I grab and I steal, to broker this deal
Better to feel, a fantasy over what is real.
My efforts contrived, come as no surprise.
To open eyes, importance implied.
This flippant disguise cannot hide--
Ego paralyzed, Meaning subsidized.
---
I sit alone in this place, a history to trace.
Accountability's lace. Consequences to face.
I made my decision, in our division.
A better vision, self-inflicted incision.
To heal what is not well
.
Synopsis:
This poem reflects the aftermath of a toxic relationship, highlighting the speaker’s struggle with financial strain, emotional solitude, and the unfulfilled promise of shared responsibility during the separation. Beyond the hardships imposed by external circumstances, the piece turns inward, focusing sharply on the speaker’s role in their current situation. It critiques patterns of behavior, unrealistic expectations of others, and decisions that contributed to their predicament.
The poem doesn’t shy away from self-reproach, acknowledging the ways in which ego and flawed perceptions have clouded judgment. By recognizing these patterns, the speaker attempts to take accountability for their part in the dissolution of the relationship, even as they face the unfair burdens left behind. The tone alternates between vulnerable introspection and stark self-awareness, offering a candid reflection of personal responsibility.
Artist's Intent:
The poem’s intent is to confront the consequences of self-made choices and the speaker’s complicity in creating their own hardships. It does not seek sympathy but instead uses poetic expression to dissect and own the behaviors and expectations that have led to this moment. By holding a mirror to their own actions, the speaker underscores the importance of accountability, even in the face of external betrayal. The work ultimately serves as a reminder that growth often begins with the willingness to confront and critique oneself, no matter how painful the process.