I want to remember,
the good & the bad.
But all that's left Is a few
butterfly  kisses.
Followed by fighting.
Being ripped away from the title
“Daddys girl.”
I was happy.
I thought you were too.
I was too young to know,
to young to comprehend.
I held in the hurt.
Never let anyone get to close.
It didn’t work.
I’m hurting.
Begging for love.
Not a romance kind of love.
I want a love.
From you, the one who hurt me
the worst.
Who briefly loved me the most.
I crave it.
I need it.
I want those cuddles.
The ones that nullify the reeking smell.
Your personal cologne.
The smell that still haunts me.
I want someone to understand.
“Get over it”
they say.
how?
Someone help me.
I just want to be daddy’s girl.
To feel important
To feel empowered
To never feel like this again.
I don’t remember the happy times.
I long to.
No one knows.
No one understands.
I’m tired of this
constant hunt for acceptance.
Desire for you.
I thought I was happy.
Maybe I was.
I hold onto
our few  memories.
Daddy daughter dance.
Your  jokes.
Our silly bedtime laughs.
But
that’s all.
I can’t remember the rest.
I wish I knew you
before it all.
The
bipolar, alcoholic, cheating father.
A few times I met the dad I desire.
But now you're gone.
You've moved on.
That's okay.
I'm okay.
I wish that were the truth.
I still love
you.
I want you back.
I want to remember
us.
You & I.
What did we do for fun?
I want to forget the hurt.
But I can’t.
Girls all around me
getting hugs from their fathers.
Constant praise.
Kisses.
Was that us?
I admire those relationships.
Today you said,
“I love you.”
And today i cried.
Today I stIll don’t remember us.
I want someone to understand.
No one does.
Only you.
One day,
can I be a daddy’s girl agaIn?
Longer than last time?
WIll you share our memories?
our hurts?
WIll you love me unconditionally?
Please?
Because daddy,
I love you.