My Dear Calpernia Mockingbird- once again your voice I heard, singing in the night.
With joy my heart was over filled, and deep within my soul I thrilled, to hear such joyous sounds, echoing the glades around, serene, profound.
I wish I had the sight, to see you dancing in the night, with graceful step to delight, the eye, but mist and moonlight both combined to hide your form, and make me blind and I could only stand and stare- and be content to hear you there, singing in the night.
Being charmed I fell asleep, lulled by your song in slumber deep- to dream of you once more ascending, to that starlit realm unending, there to take your ease.That you are mortal I am aware, and know that you are truly fair- so please don't make me wait too long, to find enchantment in your song!

We'd grown accustomed to the rain. The incessant rain.
The waterlogged ground, the standing water all around.
Long weary months, no sight of sun, underfoot the soil is mud.
The seasons change from Winter into Spring; But still the rain,
still the lashing days, the night's when lulled to sleep by natures tattoo upon the roof.
Birds, rain soaked, dishevelled, find little shelter amidst the rain soaked leafless trees.
The industrious ducks, madly dibbling, turn the soaking ground to pools, their ever probing beaks sifting mud.
The despair of weather's dreary cycle, month after month. And then, the sun!  at last the sun!
How we rejoice; the rain has ceased at last.
Now the sun is here to warm the earth,
Trees and grass grow green again, embracing the warm, life giving rays. The countryside is growing beautiful again.
Now the lakeside is thronged with downy ducklings, brown and yellow ***** of energy, darting at the rising Mayflies.
The Geese also have their young and parade in line astern, a guardian in front and one behind.
The lonely Swan has made friends with a white Duck, and the Carp, great and small, are basking at the surface, warming their backs in the welcome rays. The soggy earth is turning hard, and new cracks appear daily.
No rain now, only the blazing Sun.
People lately clad in raincoats and boots, now roam about in lighter garb, bare backed, bare legged, turning redder  with each day.
The lonely country walks are now awash with sturdy hikers and the parks are thronged with Sun worshipers, stretched out to brown, like drying fish.
By the Hall, the lake shimmers like a mirror, and from my window I see the Swallows swooping low, dipping their beaks to the water for sedges and  and mayflies. The first Bats, from the culvert spread their wings and join the evening Swallows in their search for food.
Sun wind and water are in harmony.
How glorious the Earth with teeming life! How wonderful her colours and her creatures; I cannot truly comprehend so great a beauty.
All life is miraculous! the elements surely blessed.

Midnight and the house is still, you are alone in the near darkness.
A solitary candle flickers before you making the shadows dance.
In front of you, on the table, lies a blank sheet of paper.
You long to write but words elude and subjects are sparse, elusive.
Concentrate on the page before you. Nothing,
Try harder now, imagine that you are looking through the paper, to a world beyond. Did you hear that cry? was it a lamb looking for it's mother, or the cry of a frightened child?
You hear another cry, and the flash of a gunshot illuminates the  edge of the distant forest. In the darkness you can hear many voices calling in the distance. They are angry strident calls.
A horseman gallops out of the darkness, he is bleeding from a head wound. He cradles a little girl in his arms. As he turns his mount out of the field and onto the road he is approached by a young woman, who was waiting there, tear full and apprehensive.  She cries out in anguish as she takes the child into her arms and sobs with relief.
The horse man lifts her up onto the horse and they hurry off along the Dover road. All but one of their pursuers give up the chase, but he is more determined, spurred on by hatred! He will never give up ever! Keep looking now, where are they going, and from whom are they running and why? What does the future hold for them, disaster or happiness? Realize that their future is now in your hands, so WRITE ON!

In chapter twelve  We had come to the countdown. I described  in detail in this chapter what happened after that, then as I was finishing my description of the dramatic and frightening spectacle that took place, thereafter, the screen of my computer was suddenly wiped clean! Imagine my frustration and annoyance.  I could not think of anything that I might have done to cause it! I started again, from the countdown on chapter twelve and re-typed the whole chapter almost word for word. While I was checking what I had written, the screen blanked again. I had the strangest feeling that someone was looking over my shoulder! Was Big Brother watching me? I really don't know but I have my suspicions!!!
I feel it prudent to continue without going into any more detail about the test's at Maralinga. After the test's, we had a monumental celebration, and finally boarded an old passenger ship at Adelaide, all six hundred plus airmen eager to be home. The ship was called The New Australia, and believe me when I say that there was nothing new about her! She was formerly used to transport The Ten Pound Pommies  (immigrants) to a new life in Australia. We left Adelaide and sailed across The Great Australian Bight, to Freemantle, where six hundred airmen went off to Perth to avail themselves of the brothels in Row street. I was not among them, instead, I and several others were detailed to various duties around the ship. I was part of the fire picket, (the authorities seemed to think that the ship might self combust at any moment!) We left Freemantle that same evening and headed out across The Indian Ocean, which, if memory serves, took us twelve days. then we stopped for a few hours, (probably to refuel,) before entering The Suez Canal, where The new Australia had a slight contratomp with another vessel in an area called The Bitter Lakes.  She had previously had a slightly more serious contratomp on the way out, and had been obliged to dock at Singapore, where the hole in the bow was filled with concrete (two hundred tons of it). Then we sailed down The Red Sea to Cyprus, stopping only to refuel. We crossed the Mediterranian Sea, we were enjoying a very hot windless day, the sea was an absolute flat calm, overhead the clouds began to form into massive great thunderheads. We were all expecting a storm, but slowly things began to form around the ship and in the space of five minutes we were looking at four separate water spouts which surrounded the ship and dumped thousands of gallons of sea water (and numerous small fish) all over the decks. The Bay of Biscaye was also a flat calm and the days were a little cooler now as we approached the South coast of England. (It was winter after all).
We all felt very homesick at the sight of England's green mist shrouded hills, and I suddenly realized that I had not seen mist since leaving England. We left the ship on the twenty fourth of December, The New Australia was sent to the breakers yard, while we all headed homeward to spend Christmas with our families, on two weeks leave. I travelled by train to London, and then caught the tube to Hounslow East and the Two three seven to Parrotts corner. My parent's were overjoyed at my unexpected arrival, Mum made me a cup of tea, Dad handed me an apron. "Come on Son, we have a lot to do before we close!" I couldn't help smiling, It was business as usual, and I was a part of it, uniform or not.
After a quick cup of tea we worked through to twelve thirty, to finish our work, as usual. Christmas eve or not, we had to finish our work. Tired but jubilant, we settled down to enjoy our Christmas as a family and I had one more important  thing to do. My Alsation Paddy had been missing me as much as I missed him, We went for a long walk in the darkened streets and when he had walked enough he led me home, and slept beside me. After that, at the merest mention of bed, he would dash upstairs and wait under the bed for me to come, No amount of coaxing or threats would get him out, and he would nip me if I tried to pull him out, but in the mornings he used to wake me with a good licking, washing my face, before running down stairs for his breakfast. It felt so good to be home again, even if it was only for two weeks!
                                                         The end, or is it!

So that was what all the mystery was about! and the reason why we were kept in the dark, Task Force Antler was set up to test Atomic weapons!
I don't think Gordon and me had missed anything exciting, the early days of the task force were just a matter of preparation for the real events that were to come later. The tests were scheduled to take place in October and November, It was rumoured that we would be home for Christmas!
I was impatient to get back home, I worried about my dad's poor health.
I was beginning to put a bit of weight on now, after the spell in hospital,
The food was excellent. There were some Aussies stationed on the camp perimiter, they lived in air conditioned  aluminium units,
we of course,(being British,) roasted and froze on a daily basis, and thought little about it! The days passed quite slowly at first, until we were ready to carry out the first test, It was on a site forty five miles away. We were all assembled on the day of the test. We all wore our sunglasses, and were assembled for the countdown, If memory serves me right it was supposed to be a seventy two hour countdown, but I think the catering staff may have been excused some of it. We all needed to eat, after all!  The first test was like a damp squib, we hardly noticed it. It consisted of a little thunder and a cloud of black smoke. Rumour had it that the touch-paper was damp!
After a week or two the second test loomed. This was much bigger but less than we had expected, both  of the atomic devices had been mounted on towers, the next and final test was to be the biggest.
They asked for volunteers to observe the test from a roadside position some six miles from ground zero, forty five men out of six hundred plus volunteered, I was one of them! Maybe you can work out the percentage ratio, idiots to normal cautious men, It might prove useful to the military. On the day of the test, we were transported up to the roadside position where we began the countdown linked by radio to the headquarters. Half an hour before ground zero, several wagons  full of troops left the forward area. The corporal in charge radioed headquarters, "Has the test been cancelled?"  "No hold your ground, the test is imminent, you know the drill- we are commencing the final countdown."
It was rumoured that there were a number of soldiers in the forward area, in slit trenches, An officer told me later that Dr. William Penney, the chief scientist in charge of the whole test, did a quick calculation on the back of his *** packet, and said "This may be bigger than we expect!
Better bring those troops out of the trenches." It was certainly a wise decision,(probably the only one,ha ha.) We were now the nearest to the bomb! The bomb- or device, was suspended in plain sight, hanging under three barage balloons, (I kid you not),  which were tethered about one hundred and fifty feet above the  desert. The count down continued, Ten, Nine, eight,!!!!

Dog Daisy's, Taller than their tiny kin
Long stemmed and green in leaf,
reaching up towards the sky.
Now new, with white petalled faces
and a bright and golden eye,
in the Autumn they will wither
appearing then to fade and die,
not so, in the Spring they'll rise again,
to carpet all the grassy borders,
with a promise to renew their duty
spreading over all their beauty,
blowing in the Summer breeze
  playing host to swarming bee's.

Some thoughts I have I cannott put to paper,
they are too sad to read or hear,
Iv'e carried them inside for ever,
yet  sadness lingers, as at the start,
undiminished- hard to bear
wounding the heart.