Azuraine

Azuraine Dec 2012

Wasted

My youth....wasted
You
Wasted me
Gone
My youth
Disaster
Days swindled
My youth wasted...gone....swindled by you...
What a disaster ...you wasted.
Me.

Azuraine Dec 2012

Rambling

Some nights, like tonight, I lie awake. I am tired yet I can not sleep.
Thoughts of you fill my head and my heart is filled with a mix of joy and
pain. I am so glad we have found each other again, I want so bad to have you
beside me, to share our days. The good and the bad. I can see you now.
Asleep with Katie, your beautiful crazy hair splayed out over the pillow. I
want to be there, snuggled up next to you. I want to smell you. Touch you.
Kiss you. I miss you so much.

Azuraine Dec 2012

Ending...Our Space

Our space thick with desolation.
Silence. Breathless. Torn.
Our Space deliberately ravished.
Frozen. Heavy. Raw.
Our Space emptied by deduction.
I cannot make our space.

Azuraine Dec 2012

I wish I knew

I wish I knew, knew where you are.
I wish I knew, I wish I knew why
Your last moments were your own. Only you know. Only you knew why.
I wish I knew.
I wish I knew how to stop it from strengthening, I wish I knew it was rushing
I wish I knew, I wish I knew why
Those moments keep me raw, those moments, your last moments. I am so raw. Only you knew why.
I wish I knew.

Azuraine Dec 2012

My life in the nutshell

My life ……a slippery ***** comprised of the anxiety over all tomorrows.
My life…..voices climbing to be on top in packed rooms.
My life…..words carving deeper ….and deeper still….. into unhealing wounds.
My life…..reruns of whys after repeats of why not’s.
My life…..an immense unknown nothing surround by odds and ends of everything.
My life…..consistent unraveling progression
My life……indefinite realities
My Life….In…..the….nutshell…………………………………………………

Azuraine Dec 2012

I am on your Team

I want to start by telling you that I am on your team…I am on the same side as you…I hold the pom poms that are cheering for you and your life. You are a beautiful person and you matter to me. You matter to many people. What affects you affects me. There is nothing about you that would make me not want to be friends with you. We all have things in our past and present that we are not the most proud of and likely things that we loathe about ourselves. You are no different in that aspect as millions of other people. You are different to me in other ways though…. You are breath for me…you help create a space I can be myself in…you create a space that other people want to be in…you are good and kind and wonderful…you think about others and live your life for what is good and right…you have conviction and dignity and honor and love a faith and loyalty like I have never seen in another human being……. You are chivalrous…..
There is no way I can understand everything that is going on with you or why things are the way they are but I do know that your life is precious and gifted and important…I do know I want you to live it. I do know that I want you to do whatever you can to be happy and healthy. I do know I love every fiber of you… I am here if you need a friend…..I support you in all that you do on this path to getting healthy…with pom poms of course…

Azuraine Dec 2012

You are lost

I think about you and I know you are lost. . ...I can feel you . .feel you all around me. . .I close my eyes and I can feel your breath on my face as your lips make what I sense is a pass over mine. . I open my eyes and though the tears I can almost see you. . .see your eyes . . .. looking into mine . . it happens too fast to know but I think I can see. . .. . . see right through you. . ...

I think about you and I know you are lost. . ... you are lost to the
wonderful things in this life. . .you are lost to the breaths that are
for you. . .you are lost to the emotions that surround you. . .you are lost to the
confliction that is about you .

I think about you and I know you are lost. . .lost to me. . .. . . but
what is worse. . .you are lost to you. ..I think about you and I know I love you. . .. . ... but when I think about you.... I know you are lost. . ...

— The End —