I have a chemical imbalance in my brain.
I know you can’t understand
why I sleep too many hours in a day,
or that sometimes I can’t find the will to get up in the morning,
but I need you to try.
Because once upon a time
before I had you,
I saw no light at the end of the tunnel.
I saw darkness and guilt
and when the sun didn’t come out,
neither did I.
I took things I shouldn’t have to my wrists,
and wore long sleeves in the summer.
I spent my days in my room
and I pushed every person I loved away,
I know you can’t picture me that way,
but I need you to
for just one second.
Picture a girl with dead eyes,
and a quiet voice.
Picture someone who when the going got tough,
she wanted to be dead.
Picture someone writing notes to the ones she loved,
telling them goodbye.
Picture someone swallowing too many pills
and not caring if she woke up or not.
Picture that person
because that use to be me.
I know you want me to stop taking my tiny yellow pills at night,
because you have never seen
that side of me.
But I live in fear everyday that I will fall back into that dark pitt.
So I take my pills
every night at nine,
and pull myself together
every morning.
I know you can’t understand
because you didn’t see the girl I was,
and I hope you never do.