These are writers hands of mine
thinking in verse and prose
trying to convey my heart to my head
and make sense of it all
they feel the vibrations
of the surrounding
they move like the crow and swallow
rapid
always watching with wisps and twarts
dancing in the sunlight and rain alike
half and half they are
my duality
or practicality and lust
callused and worn
they have been and will be with time
as it whisks me away
age may creek into my bones
the creases may sink
and veins raise
but they will remain to move the same
they are my expression
for often my voice refuses to work
my writing words are able to stay between
while my heart may wander
and my head become frustrated and stuck
perhaps they will be my wisdom
perhaps they will become my eyes
to see every day anew
to smell the flowers
and ignore the hours as they will pass all the same

Have you ever been somewhere
You can't return
Ever left your heart somewhere behind you
Even just by accident
And you can't gain the entire thing back
Can't apologize
Can't thank
But all you miss is the flame
And the way matches felt on your fingertips

The madness is gone
Suffocated and buried
In layers of linen
Wrapped so tight, keeping me warm
Stepped into a new time
A dimension without recognition
Where I am the only stranger
Running from the past
Where I was unfamiliar in the mirror
And known by everyone
I feel my chaos
Pounding in my chest
Spreading through limb to limb
Trying to find anyway out
What I have hidden from
The things I miss the most
Too intertwined to distinguish
I have to focus on his face
But when I am unguarded
I feel him wrap around me
Whispering gifts and sorrows back to an old soul
No one may bring me liberation or chains
These confines are ones that I have created with my own blind hands
I will re-learn to sing my own lullabies

If only things were simple
You and I
Worlds rotating around would make so much more sense
If the people who are rotating around us were whole
But since we live on an egotistical planet
And everything we see is only a reflection of ourselves
What broken wretches we remain.
Oh my dear
If only things were simple
Hate, pain and loss would dissipate
And there would be no greener grass
No fence at all
Because my dear,
If things were simple
There would be no need for change
Hope would not exist
And we would graze where we were told along with the rest of the sheep
Oh my darling,
If only things were simple
There would be no gilt
No adventure
No regret
No mistakes
No lies
No lust
No life
I believe there is some truth to this egotistical world of ours
In a land of oposites
We are never content with comfort
And are able to keep our souls
You and I my dear
If only things were simple
We would be suffocating in the mundane

Rain dance
We all sing to the sky
Dancing and twirling to the ever present moon light
"Bring the thunder! Bring the clouds!"
Pulsing louder and louder even the children cry
Within these nations
Separate but souls united
One can have to many days of the sun
"Brother raven"
she whispers
"Please bring word to above
"Our crops are dying
"Our souls are thirsty
"And our rivers thin
"Please, Oh Tlaloc,
"Cleanse us of our sin"
Prayers danced through the night

Do you see it out there?
This other fate
Coming in like a whorl-wind
Into our created comfort
Head long into our cross-eyed sight
We will soon be joined by moths
Lost within a great winged pattern again
Not needing to search for the way out furthermore
But swept up off our feet all the same
Do you see it out there, my love?
Will you not meet it head on beside me?

This madness of mine, thickens by the hour
Still so in love with you,
And yet, so ready to break free
In hopes that I can see this world with new eyes
And return some peace to my mind

Oh my dearest friend
Old as the night
I have done this again,
My heart is polyamorous
Love is love
And lust does not matter
Deep
As the trees root currents
Flowing with the life force under la terre
Writhing golden strands
Flowing to all who are willing to drink
There you remain my love
Ten yards off the shore
And here he is
Across from me sipping gently
"Wont you join me for a dip?"
As he takes my hand he beckons
As I float you smile
And keep your eyes locked on my face
"Come my love, dip your toes in the mud" I whisper to him
The one I love remains on the shore
While another is already shoulder deep next to me
Keeping me afloat

Distance
Feeling the world through the soft exoskeleton forming
Still swaying to the sound of music
From inside my self created bliss
I cannot see you
Only remember your face
If you again can reach me
That will be your own fate

I see you
On the other side
Still holding that piece of me
No mater where we stand,
No mater what places we crawl into,
No mater where ever we may find rest,
Hold onto that,
for it is yours
And no one else can touch it

Burning, burning, burning,
   we watch them all fall down.
There will be no ashes remaining in this place,
   the road we left scattered to the wind.
She will cary them softly,
   and return us all home.

I feel it rising my friend,
This joy vaulting up through my stomach
For life
For passion
Thank you for your courage
From one small town
Across the world
The people will here the words cried from the mouths of the trees
And we will remember
The joy
The peace
Of a time when we all were indian
When we all were human.

Im not here any more
My body will remain sitting
But my mind has flown far away
I am in a world of technicolor
Dancing in a sea of green
That your perfect vision can not see
Twirling with flowers in my hair
I enjoy your absence and wonder
About this crazed head of mine

"Maybe I am just another **** up."
She whispered into my ear
"All of them were right,
keeping me away from their children. and whispering in the dark"
A heart cries from the darkness
and a young girl runs out
Strings from her cut off shorts streaming behind her
She tackles my friend into the mud
"You are free!" she screamed into her face
"You are free! Fight back!" she cried
Tears streaking the mud now plastered onto her face.
"You are free."
At that point they faded into the mud
Sin and savior all one within the dirt

You visit me
   Sometimes
I see you peek through your eyes
Making sure the reality
   You've tried to disappear
Is in fact
   Still there
I see you
  You know,
Deep down
   In the heart,
I know is still there

In reference to your prior question: no, I am not sane. My trees are red and, my grass purple. On this psychedelic plane I speak to those within reality. While I am not sane, my mind is quite sound. All one is able to do is to describe their surroundings, outright, or abstract, and just like you with stable brain waves, that is all I seek to accomplish. Now how can you call me a mad man?

The sound of your breathing, keeping me awake.
Even and at peace you move
Slow and gentle your mind speaks to mine
But if we both were to sleep,
     then there would be no look out for the monsters that always lurk near.

She soothes a restless heart
An old soul
A weary head
My blanket
She comes to me in the quiet
When the moon is watching
Through clouds or clear
My guide
Showing me the inner workings of my skeleton
And fears
That lump I my throat
That no longer has the strength to build
But its memory there all the same
Dives my insanity into the darkness
Like a train into the unknown of a familiar land
When I am able to welcome the warmth of the warm car

Baby, I'm lonely tonight
She sang softly into the microphone
A room full of people
and I know she was alone
She never did live in anyone else's world
But I remember her living in mine
All those years ago
Lying naked under giggling covers
Watching her day dream with night eyes
Closed up tight
Listening as she always was
Her reality
In wake and dream
Whirls of color
Shades of mist
She's added a few wrinkles
And a few grey hairs
But she hasn't aged a day

The moon
She is peaking at me though the clouds
Whispering
Where have you been?
I watch her from time to time
Holding conversations with the stars
Dancing from one to the next
Charming her way through the night
Still she whispers
Where have you been my fragile love?
For she is so large
And down here all I can do is gaze
And remember
The times when I too used to dance
Among the stars
One day
One of these lonely days
I too shall return to my home land
Within the dark sky

I see the magic
Within this Indian Summer
And waxing Autumn
Half naked trees are stretching their limbs as far as they dare
With the change that is choking the air

I feel you
My love
If I let my mind linger long enough
I can feel you
Your frizzy curls
And whiskers tickling my cheeks
The warmth of just a smile
Kissing my core
In the way of the butterflies
I am set free

This loneliness
It kills me
Song after song
Reminding me that all love slaughters in the end
And this deep depression
The one that I have found a home in
Is better than what lurks for me
When your finished with this madness of mine

The dark wood swallowed me alive
Trees
Black after black
Crying lifeblood in the name of the wicked
The stars glaring down at you
Reflecting the eyes of the hunting owl
Following the lost though the forest of memory
He waits
Until you breathe your last breath
And take your last step
It is then that you too become a hollow

These images
That sparks words of pen
Are not only ones that I hold as photograph
But memory
Memory in which I live every night as dreams overtake me
Lands of death and magic
That fade intro the unknown with the dawning of the sun
But as the clouds come
The night reveals pieces of itself to my eyes
With the light of day
I only see things of this world
And my home becomes lost
Until once again darkness overtakes my soul

Did your life stop
Did you rest in the end
Or are you lingering here
Within purgatory
Rising from the maw of hell
Locked under the ceiling of the real world

Sometimes I look at you
And it seems but a dream
In those moments
I do not know your soft face
But remember it
From within forgotten sleep
And as I did then
I become lost in your ocean eyes
Never wanting to resurface

The spirits awaken
As we dance to the sky
The fire
Bursting into the night
Sparks
Floating into stars
Igniting the forests into life

The sight of you still makes me high
I fade into the monochrome
As you walk through
Not breathing as you move
For if you breathe me in
Back to the start
My dearest
After you
All I need to do is lay down
And die
You ruin me
Ages later
You still ruin me

There is this sadness
Pooling in my heart
In its dark reflection
All I see is your face
Unruly curls
Solum smile
And the saddest of eyes
Where the warm sea
Meets the harsh reality of land
Resting inside of those windows
Haunting me again
While I need you to need me
Lothe me
Love me
Hold me
Hate me
For while I am with him
While I lie
And love him
The hole that rests within my chest
He has never filled
The hand full of flesh and bone
That I hoped you still hold to you

Walking down the ***** needle filled streets I see the poster everywhere. I swear any unclaimed space all around Van Nuys there’s my naked body and fake eyelashes. Thank God for computers otherwise my ******* would be recognized no matter where I was in this ****** city. Its not a cush life doing what we do, but hell it pays rent in this God forsaken place.

The sweet melancholy of madness
Pulsing though my viens
As we lie in our sin
Letting the mud overturn our souls
Back into the dirt we fade

Inner peace or depression
The warmth that I feel filling my core
And rising to my cheeks and silent lips
Numb from the nonexistent words filling the air
The calm that surrounds the present loneliness
It hums
Soft and melodic
Filling the studio as the warmth of lone candles cast shadows on the walls
Windows closed
Enclosing my padded room
That no one can see beauty in
The lovely fall of an old soul
Floating in warm cream
Submerged in a colorful mind
Unseen through dark eyes
A stain glass portal into soft chaos

I see the new generations
Looking for a face as they pray
An imaginary man
On a throne in the sky
Singing out
Songs of Joy
Dancing to the rhythm of heir own heartbeats
Not a set of drums from above
The love and bliss
Building inside of them
Openly exposed in their free smiles
Originated from within their innocents
Spreading over a broken world
And pulling it back together
Until their own hearts break
And there is no face to see

Love or run
To scared to love
To brave to run
Now stuck
Listening for spirits to guide me down this path
My past ground
Muddy and grey
Not pure dirt
But mud made by my fathers blood and tears, fresh and old
And the shards of my mothers heart that she walked away from long ago
For all that I have left by the road side
My own shattered trust and dreams
Left in the darkness of the forest
The place I call home
Shaded away from the blinding sun
These are the covered paths that I walk
Alone in the end I know
For all that I love
The life lines that I grasp onto
Will only fade into memory
Then ever distant still
So there monsters of the dark I face
As they lurk about in shadow
Watching me as I try to decide
The meadow
Where I lay open
Naked
And exposed
To not only my company and the knife I know he carries
But to the red eyes awaiting me and my weakness
Or do I remain in the darkness with my demons
I am able to hide
And trust my land
Alone still to sleep with an eye open
Under the shelter of the trees
To love or to run
To live long and alone
Or to die in blissful anguish and fear

The words
The verses
The whispers of wisdom and grace
Floating out in the atmosphere
I am with them
High in this sky
The air is thin and cold
My human body is gasping for even one breath
One life sustaining inhale
Sweet
Yet I can taste the rising pollution on my panting tongue
I can feel them
The syllables forming beauty around my mind
So close
To translucent to grasp
Reaching out with my hands only to find dust
As my brain comes out of my latest illusion
The only thing I find here;
Is a hollow shell of an earth that I used to understand

Lost.
It was to you that I knew I could always turn
I've always been independent
With friends behind me all the while
So close to the edge now
And no one is there to keep me from falling
But theres also no one to push me off
Alone I stand
No one close enough to stab my back
Or pick me up again
So this is me
Drawing my sword
And racing into the un-known
All I need to do now
Is find my heading
And take that one step into whatever I choose
On my own.

Why am I so addicted to your memory
To you I let my self go
And you took me in
Now I stand here
Looking into the rain of the night
From in your warm shelter
I long to be alone in the cold
To be able to breathe in the wet air
Wrap soaking clothes around my self tighter
To walk down the alleys and feel the danger
Feel the grimm wrapping on my lightless door and his breath on my neck
No longer can I breathe you in
Let your arms hold me safe and tight
All I want is freedom from this spiral cage
And to dance in my never ending night

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everything I love
I fear will burn to the ground
Yet again
What sickness is this
What evil processes my soul
How does it haunt these green eyes
And turn my soul cold
How am I able to twist the knife in my hand
Deeper and deeper into you
And into my chest
As I hug you close
I drive it further

The time
Passes faster and faster each cycle
Broken upon broken
Hurt upon hurt
Will you never learn
Friend of mine
You have been saved
And to your savior you only bring destruction
To whome you thought renewed you
You give trust and praise
But yet again
Your thrown into the melting ***
To be twisted
Conformed
And molded
My dear friend
Why are you so blind?
Just another angry song to be written
As you are made a fool of
Yet again.

Below the ocean
Under the waves and currents
Nothing to move me
Nothing to shift me
Silence, as I drown and my last breath
The only thing I’ve held on to for so long
Releases,
I find peace.

As my mind bleeds
It creates pictures on a canvas
For the world of strangers to view
Mock
And take for what they will
As my mind bleeds
And the oxygen droplets reach the floor
They start to fill my room
All the cracks sealed
Nothing can escape out my door
Into my family
My known world
Dear all of you who only hold a canvas in your eyes
I don't ask you to accept it
I don't ask you to hang it within the walls of your heart
Just take it for what it is
Hideous
Or beautiful
Your eyes hold my life blood
My soul is staring back at you
Talk to her if you'd like
I can't promise she won't bite
But she is my guardian
The green glow in my eyes
And the red to my lips
Kiss who ever they will
Draw blood
Or break hearts
My blood will not stain your hands
Your shadow will not cover my sheets of canvas left on the streets to dry
My guardian protects me
For your viewing only
Strangers of mine

The one that caries all that is deep and warm within me
She flows like a golden river from limb to limb
Always searching for a way out of my body to be heard
But only seldom finds an exit from my exoskeleton
Leaking out from my fingertips
Or the corner of my lips
Like another soul speaking wisdom to my kin
As well as to my own ears
So that I may cary on another day
So that I can feel her warmth keeping my heart beating

My old savior
My old hero
Why do your cries not touch me
Deep inside
Your words
They can't grasp my soul
And take me out of this pit
Hello
Hello
Remember me
I'm everything they can't control
My old partner
My old lover of spirit
Now that your not here with me
Now that we have grown apart
I see you across these dark woods
I see your smirk
I see you draw your sword
As I do the same
Like I was taught
And apart
We race into the dark
Fearing not what lurks in the shadows
But what is chancing us from behind.

Desert of mine,
So cold
As I melt in your blistering sun
Why do you leave me,
Stealing the wind
Rain
And voices
Now the only thing left
Is the slowing sound of my heart beat,
For my soul left long ago.

Running from the past
Hiding from the future
Blocking out eternal pressures
By standing still with eyes closed
Dreaming that it would all disappear
Whether I disappear
If am left alone in my death
To realities of this world
Peoples joy can haunt me
Tease me
No more
Finally cold and alone
Left in peace with my bleeding mind

This mist wraps around me
Freezing my heart to a stop
While curdling my blood
And chilling my bones
Sealing my eyes with frost
So that I can't see the hands sweetly suffocating me
Putting me to rest
In ***** eternal sleep
So I can't feel your breath on my neck
Or your hands around my hips
Or when you toss me aside when your done
Like an old rag doll
This mist wraps around me
Locking the door to my own prison and shelter
So that if I wake
All you were is a nightmare

My Emily
My keeper
You don't have to protect me from your storms
While you may be far
Miles may never keep us apart
Sisters
Thicker than the blood leaving your body
For now we're reaching across states
Do not retake your hand I'm holding
While strong
Love I'm here for you to lean on
You can handle it on your own
But against the two of us
Worlds can fall
Let me back in to stay

This heart of mine aches for yours
For within you
You hold me
I know I am safe with in your arms
The outside chaos you banish
Taking the lashes for me
You can feel me shaking
And my heart struggling to beat
So you pull me in closer
Whispering, promising in my ear that everything will turn out okay
My shelter and sun
I can't tell you
I can't let you know
How much I love you
And how much my fragile shell needs you to keep it together
But I fear my wings are stretching your heart to wide
And that I only cause you pain
I know you take it willingly
And that you love me all the same
But as my keeper I can't hold you any longer
I may clutch your arms around me
And burry my head in your chest
But my pain is not yours
It shouldn't be your fear that one day my insides will fall apart
One day you will find her
The one that you dream of
And feel at night
She will be able to give you back the love that you hand out so freely
To give you all that you deserve and more
My love, my light
Its time that I go

I write, I express emotion
I use words no one will read, hear or utter
I create worlds within this head of mine
And try to convey them to the people
So that they too can feel the grass that I dream of
I greave
To the point that it wells up inside me
And there’s no way to keep it in any longer
Instead of leaking salty crystals
Because I have to much pride
My pen takes me to a place of ongoing ink
Where rivers run black
And skies are grey
Where the sun rises and gives hope to weary
And the stars guide me through the night
This genius of mine is a writer
Able to bring light to these dead eyes
And rebirth forgotten feelings
But fear is a creature of hideous evil
And beautiful comfort
I fear that is this genius is rejected
If this part of me dies there is no hope
No light for me to follow back to my world of grass and grey skies
That forever I will be lost to the wicked ways of this world.
And the only escape is death.