He keeps showing up in my head
Like a ghost haunting me
How did we get here?
All I know is that I cannot form it into the treasure it was before
I need to eat it without any fear
Leaving no crumbs behind
Why are the memories showing up now?
I think this year was waiting for this moment to bite me
And break me
Until I showed enough fear
So it would be finally satisfied
Tonight was the first time my tears dropped because of it in a long time
What more can I give?
Yes, I breathe for him but why does it mean so much to you?
Our friendship was less than I wanted it to be
I know that
What else are you trying to teach me?
That love is worthless or are you just enjoying this so that you can watch me drown in my own sadness?
Like I'm your puppet
Or your animal that you put in your own circus
I'll stare fear in the eye if I have to
I'm not going insane for you
I can have life without you
I don't need this twisted tongue tied madness in my head going off like my morning alarm clock
Life went on
So did I
I don't need you screaming in my thin ears everyday or for you to care
I want you to leave and never come back
Because guess what?
I woke up from this beautiful dysfunction dream
After all the pain I went through
And all the hope I tried to convince myself to have
I finally feel lifted

The wind is pulling my hair as I come to greet you.
The shades of green all around my eyes.
The chirping noises get louder and louder as I come near.

I could lay on your soft ground for ages and that feeling will still be there.

And as the leaves fall down
The sun rays open my eye lids
I wake up to your smile.
A smile that shows me kindness
That shows me friendly-ness
After this, I knew I have never seen beauty so pure like this before.

It is not our own blood doing this
It is the way his head ***** to the side
And the temptation
Making you
Imagine a better way to make your life
Not so sorrowful
The glimpse of light starts
Flowers bloom around your eyes
And make way to your heart

Sometimes when we cross a field
I think of jumping out
And running
To be on my own
To be free
Dancing alone
In the freezing air
Turning my hands red
My finger tips blue
And my lips white
While I sing about you

Sliver blankets are covering my heart-shaped cheeks
But I know
Everything happens the way it is suppose to go

You’ll feel blue and unwell
But then clouds will get brighter
And those sunrises will be longer
Then the crystals that come from your alluring eyes
Will be from being blinded by the light.

I wanted to write about your pale face
About how you make my voice crack
How you make my bones shake
But all I could think of was the beauty in your eyes and the softness of your fingertips

Lets share our sorrowful tales to one another
You said
We won't feel as empty inside
You said

I am pushed away as well as the sea
Well, I am apart of you now
My veins are full of your rich glossy blood
Just let me in
You've killed me so many times
I would love to hate you

I will swallow knifes
Pluck my watery eyes out
Kiss my mother goodbye
To have you love me again
If you ever loved me at all

The way he moves
Reminds me of the sea
Steady and sometimes crazy
Never actually blue

His bright eyes
They're wild
Moving quickly
Seeing everything

Blue veins
Fill him up

His rosy cheeks are filled with blood.
When I see him
I feel warmth and the windy sky
Coming over to me
Hugging me tight
As if i was a baby's lost blanket
Found again

The stars kissed the ground and now it's just a memory
A moment that was meant to be remembered
So my eyes lifted
From your fiery eyes
I always knew I liked the moon better than the sun

A friend like you
Does not
Would not
Care for a *****
Sickening *****
Like me

I disgust you
I know I do

But there is a pure side
I wish you would all see

My heart is not made of stone
It is filled with flowers and tears
And fear;
That my heart will break once more
Under the care of a loved one
Who thought they could control the blood
Sinking in the drain

Screaming my pain that to the ones I love most
No one is listening
To the rumble in my stomach or to the ache in my heart

Do you see me now?
Once I cut my lips and bruise my arms
Do you see me now?
Was it not enough to say I can't do it anymore

I don't know how many pills I need
How long does it take to hit me
I want to be broken
I want to be loved
"You can't have both"

So here I am torn into pieces
You picked out the best ones
Now I'm just a broken record

Screaming
Love me
Love me

Screaming
There's nothing left of me
There's nothing at all