I'm no saint
I cannot capture it
Like a photo
I cannot describe it
Like a novel
I cannot draw it
Because I cannot paint

I have reached the bottom of my soul
And seen the peak of my ability

The wasteland of trauma
Aided by my vices
Has led me to fear what is inside

I have climbed on broken glass
And seen the blood dripping
Only to not have moved an inch
And to have only hurt myself

I now have the wisdom
"Why am I climbing on broken glass?"
"This cannot be the only path."
I have turned around
Maybe I'll find flowery meadows

I misseth mine own loveth. I wisheth f'r h'r to beest in mine own arms. To has't the warmth of h'r corpse. H'r soft toucheth and coequal softer gazeth.

I don't want to feel anything
Yet I complain when I feel nothing.

I don't want to find love again
Yet I complain when no one wants me.

I don't want to talk anymore
Yet I complain when I'm not heard.

Crawl for acceptance
Beg for indifference
You're just an investment
A mere disappointment

Never going to be
Everything you want me to be

How can I change
If I'm the same person

**** me if you desire
Let me see the brightest hellfire

I shed the stress of my day
Off at the door
I shed my tears in private
So you don't see
I don't hide my emotions
Just for the sake of it
I don't tell you what is eating away
At my mind and heart
You try to see through the curtains
I don't like Hide and Seek
But if I even gave you a peek
I cannot let you see me when
What I see as me being weak
All these little things
I hope you never see
So you and I can focus
On just being we

Escape comes at a cost
But I've been so ******* lost
I forgot what I'm running from
And now I'm

I want to be here
For everyone I love
But I can't do this
And now I'm

Holding

A bottle of pills
A gun
A steering wheel
A thick piece of rope
A straight razor
A whole bunch of bad decisions