They danced along my lips
slowly searching out my hips.
They were cracked to often
from worrying about me in a coffin.
Because they have felt my body
they have touched my soul
and they are clenched into fists
because you know i no longer wish to live.
They are wet on the fingertips
form wiping the tear that slipped
down to my lips.
They reached out to me one last time that night.
Because i took my life as soon as i saw the morning light.
You get the call
and fall to the floor.
And the last thing they touched
was the clutch.
Your car went over the edge
you put them behind your head
and prayed you see me
one last time,
in the end.
I woke up in the hospital
and that is when it was my turn to get the call.
They found me hanging from my bed sheets
behind the locked bathroom door
with a note that said
"i'll see you in the end."

The drugs are quick.
We laid on the beach
sand covered our feet.
Our hands and lips dying to meet.
Our bodies warm on the sheet.
Maybe it was the drugs
or maybe it was the look in your eyes.
But i wanted to kiss the lips that formed your smile.
The waves were crashing and i was falling
your name i was calling.
So you took my hand
and whispered sweet things to me underneath the moonlight in the sand.
And prayed the sun would take awhile
to make it to the other side of the earth as it ran.
The moon was on my side
it lite up our love filled eyes,
kept the tide high.
So you'd hear the waves cry
and not two lovers sigh
deep into the night.
Bathed in moonlight
i read you my poems
you played your guitar and sang.
I loved the way you said my name.
You took me by surprise
and kissed me deeply with tired eyes
and held me close the rest of the night,
trying to outrun the sunlight.

You wore all gray the whole day
you didn't smile once.
You spent half of it sleeping.
The other half weeping.
Then you crawled into bed,
with a heavy heart
and a heavy head.
The days you can't stop thinking about him
are the days you would rather drown
than swim.
Now in bed
feeling empty
i think
"what would i say to you,
if you were lying next to me."
I'd probably say
i have't slept good for days.
And that i want to runaway.
Preferably with you
but you wouldn't come
that i knew.
I would say i'm working on not missing you as much
and it's going as bad as i thought.
I would eventually tell you to leave,
because i know that you will never miss me.

She is fire, she is ice.
She is the tides
She is the controlling factor of the tides.
"Stay away from forests, boys with sparks in their eyes, bridges."
You cannot hide the fire under your skin
in your fluttering eyes
shaking hands begging to strike a match.
But don't stay away from love because i've never seen you fuel anything better.
It's the cold that gets you
constant shivers
numb
emotionless.
Test my chilling wrath.

Her hair curled
wiping like the wind.
Her eyes were the night sky
lite up
with the pulse of lightening.
Her heat beat to the thunder.
She danced along the sky line,
cloudy storm eyes crying
for the flowers begging for rain,
for her heart crying out in pain.
You touch her skin
and its as electric
as lightening.
But she fades just as fast.
Leaving you with only the sound of her thunder laugh.
As she fades off into the distance
blowing away with the wind.

She sits by the waves
and counts the ways
she could taste death's lips.
Partly because she misses you too much.
Death can be such a lovely thought.

Her eyes red
from rubbing them raw.
Your throbbing head
From straining every muscle in your jaw
crying on your bed.
This is worse than death.
When your dead you have no one.
But it's better than feeling this alone.
Everything you said was a lie.
You didn't even say goodbye...
Why can't i stop crying?
I'm so weak
i crave a eternal dreamless sleep.

I'd give up on myself before i gave up on you.

I am not a full moon.
I am the crescent moon.
Because i  will always be empty.
And doomed,
to die alone its true.
The dying stars make the sky
a graveyard.
I see them moving
while i'm in the car
and realized i'm not the stars
who die with another not too far.
I am the moon who can't make it through the night
with out the sun that shines so bright.
Darling will you be my light?

Have i gone mad yet?
My head has cracks,
there's something wild about my laugh.
Sanity i sometimes lack.
My head is a labyrinth,
not a map.
Your bound to get off track
and lose your mind along the way
with every dark path you decide to take.
But i know every dark thought
and it haunts me everyday..
But i wouldn't mind if they stayed,
i often stay inside nightmares for days.
The dreams in which i'm dying are the best iv'e ever had.
So have i gone mad?

My god you are every star i fell in love with when i was little.
You are every wave that loves to crash into my body.
You are every drop of moonlight that i plead with to touch your skin too.
You are every strand of sunlight hitting water.
Every late night swim.
Every late night poem.
Every tremor of my hands.
Every breath of fresh night air.
Soft morning light.
I am nothing to you.

I told you i wanted to die.
As i laid down and cried,
but all you noticed was the smell of my alcohol breath.
You should have noticed.
You thought  it would be better for my sister to go yes
that would be best
right?
Because she has more of a fight
to survive
not me.
Not even as i lay down and for my death i plea
but should i go to the hospital?
No need.
Even when the days go by i never speak.
I get too much or not enough sleep.
But you think its not because of the dreams..
But everything is not as it seems.
I'm falling apart and breaking my stitching at the seams.
I can't ask for help
and you will never look
because you think i'm an open book...
Not one with pages torn and sadness filled words like "i can't"
because i'm insignificant.

The funeral under the sea,
there's no one here but me.
I can't see,
i wonder who it's for
i'm the only one there
maybe there's supposed to be more?
I'm not so sure.
I'm tired and my arms are sore,
from trying so hard i'm sure.
I need to rest
in this casket
in my black dress. I'm a mess.
And i know if i sleep now,
sleep away the distress,
know that i had given up
and there's no such thing as waking up.

The dark thoughts that fill my head
as soon as i'm in bed.
They haunt my dreams
i should not like them,
although it may seem...
They're my favorite dreams.
Nightmares,
make me so aware
that all monsters are human,
they're in our heads.
While i lay in bed.
They're in my head,
not underneath
where they're said to be.
The monster is me.

You know what my skin feels like along your lips
you know what my hips feel like with your fingertips
you know look on my face when i've had too much to drink
you know the feeling of my legs around your back
you know the sigh i make at 3 am but not from loneliness
you know the feeling of my lips tasting skin that responds with shivers when i respond with pulling away
you know the feel on my back moving and twisting.
You do not know what my lips look like when they are trembling.
You do not know how it feels with my hips hard against the floor shaking with a shaking body and not pressed against yours, still shaking
You do not know what my face looks like when i am trying not to scream his name
You do not know how my legs look curled up on my reading chair itching to be wrapped around him.
You do not know my sighs in the night that scream his name silently
You do not know how much my lips did not want to kiss yours that night.
You do not know how sorry and how not sorry i am.

The snow so white
my skin so pale and bright.
The dark night cries.
Just like my dark dark eyes.
The cold gray skies know,
they match my soul.
And the blizzard unforgiving,
matches me when i'm grinning.
Winter, cold dark that wrecks,
resembles me.
I'm such a mess.

I wrote you a poem today.
It was my fourth about you.
Will i ever stop?
probably not.
I can't kept you alive,
unless it's in my poems.
I fear i might forget the color of your stormy ocean eyes.
Or maybe the way you smiled after you sang to me.
Or maybe the way you smoked your cigarette.
Lord help me if i forgot that way your arm felt displayed along the curve of my body.
Or the way your sweet soft voice whispered my name in the speaker of your phone.
But especially if i forgot the way you made me feel,
like i was flying, alive, whole...
That's why i write poems about you.
And no i don't think i could stop.
It's almost as addicting as you.
Almost.

I found out you missed me.
And i suddenly thought,
not as much as i miss you.
i don't know what to do,
whether i should forgive,
or forget you.
Because i know i'll always miss you.
And i know, i'll give you my heart.
I'll give you everything that's left of me.
And i'm afraid
you won't do that same.
So, should i forgive?
Or forget...

With curls in her hair,
the forest in her eyes.
Everyone believed her when she said she was fine...
she lied.
Those forest eyes often cried.
She always wanted to be like the birds and fly
but felt her wings were broken
so she never tried.
Her element was fire,
it sole purpose was to destroy.
She destroyed herself,
in order to save everyone else.
But her forest eyes
made many people smile.
As she laid on the cool tile
her arms bleeding for awhile
her sister realized her broken smile,
that when she said she was doing fine, she lied.
So her sister went to her and held her
while she cried
said everything was going to be fine,
she didn't like.
She would hold her together forever
until her sister was truly better.

By the lake
she sits on the back deck,
fingers running along her collarbones
protruding underneath her neck.
The night covers her like a blanket
wraps her in its cold, but comforting embrace.
Tears stream down her face
looking at the night sky
she wonders why
she's alive.
She longs to feel the warmth of love
but all she has is the night.
The only thing to curl up to in bed after she gives into sleep
no longer able to fight.
The only thing she can whisper to in the dark
is the dark itself.
The only thing she asks for help.
The only thing that can hear her helpless little yelp.
It joins her on her swim in the lakes
when she longs for a escape.
It would join her all the way to the bottom
if she decided to seal her fate.
if the night and darkness are the only thing
that's been there for her,
then why would sinking to the bottom of the lake make her unsure?
As she floats towards the black sand
she see's night looking down at her and feel's darkness
take her hand...
And off to the bottom they swam.

I laid on those train tracks,
with cement blocks
holding me in place.
My mouth covered in tape
so when the train came
i wouldn't scream.
I could still cry,
but i never felt the need to try.
I felt the need to die.
I heard in the distance the train sigh,
I felt death lay down next to me and smile.
He knew the train wouldn't take awhile
so did i.
So i looked up at the sky
for the last time
i smiled,
turned my head to the oncoming train
felt the tear of the sky's rain.
Then i felt no pain
i closed my eyes
said goodbye to the sky
then watched the train pass me by
death driving by with a smile.

As cold as ice.
I still thought i could warm you.
I was wrong.

I thought about burning all my poems about you
but then i realized
my hands would be burned instead.

You kissed my trembling lips.
Smiled into my sadness filled eyes.
Made me want to survive
you made me feel alive
as i struggled inside.
I gave you all that was left of my heart,
left was only a small part.
But with you it was finally home
no longer having to roam.
So i gave you all of me
in between your bed sheets
and cups of coffee
and poetry
in the forest full of tree's
in notes to you signed by me
in stories shared by the sea
in camping in tents reading together at night tell three
in shared CD's.
I gave you all of me.
And still felt whole.

I stared at the moon in the car,
clouds slowly drifting past it from afar
i wondered how it feel to be so alone but close to the stars
never being able to survive
without the sun's shine.
Like i couldn't when i stopped calling you mind
when i forgot the color of your eyes.
The sun would rise
and leave the moon alone to die.
Then come back the next night
just to leave again in the morning and let her die.
Because the sun made the moon alive just to **** it again.
Kind of like when you held my hand
and told me this was the end.

Kiss my lips and feel that spark
i glow in the dark.
i have a fire inside my heart.
I was corrupted from the start.
I'm a fiery mess,
in my tight black dress,
you can't resist.
But be careful baby,
playing with fire will get you hurt.
If you touch you'll get burnt.
If you try,
i'll leave you destroyed.
Just so i can feel alive.

You'll be a queen of heaven now and sit with the angles.
No more pain.
No more games.
No more trying.
Nor more crying.
Do you want to learn to fly?
All you have to do is try.
Take the jump,
go ahead and try, you won't cry.
Your throat won't have that lump.
Take the jump.

Twenty one roses.
Twenty one days.
Everyday a rose will go up in flames
and everyday i drink tell i can't remember my name.
They might say it's the only thing that keeps me sane.
As i watch the rose burning,
begging for rain.
I smoke my last in the pack
my lungs fill with the smoke
slowly turning black.
Just like the roses i burn to a crisp
reminding me of your burning lips
your hands you placed on my hips
our fiery kiss.
The unburnt rose's bliss.
Inside me you ignited a spark
which led to a fire in my heart,
one you never extinguished.
Now i sit here in anguish.
It's November fifth,
this day last year you kissed my lips.
With rose's i'm down to my sixth.
The fire in me wouldn't let me sleep
for in my heart it was buried deep.
And the thought of you only makes it grow,
burning me up everyday oh so slow.
I decided to put of the fire
so i lite the six up,
then stood on my balcony in the rain
a smile forming on my face.
Then i heard the door bell ring
opened it and saw you with a dozen rose's, smiling.

If i don't see god when i kiss him,
if he doesn't make my knees give out and fall to the floor,
then what reason do i have to believe in him?
You've always said i have a sinners smile,
let me show you what it looks like to be broken.
Let me show you what it feels like to be heartless.

Look how the snow sparkles in the street light
trying to match the twinkle in your sad eyes.
You want to feel alive
as alive as the night.
Humming in the street light,
you slip to the cool ground
your humming the only sound.
The cold snow seeps into your clothes
while laying in the snow bed.
Happy too feel the cool sting, to know your not dead.

In the meadow
under the tree's shadow
two lovers lay
in the shade.
Wrapped up in the thought of running away
but will together they stay?
They hold hands
making plans
to travel in a van.
All across the land.
No need for a home.
Only each other to hold.
Chasing the night.

They never knew why
she wrote all the time.
Or why she'd listen to piano music all night.
Or why she'd never let anyone she her cry.
Or smile.
Or why she'd run outside
in the middle of the night
just to look at the moon and smile.
Or why she'd sit outside on a warm summer night and smoke
for awhile.
They never questioned her sad eyes
because they all heard her rehearsed lies.
They never knew that with her happiness she faked it
but the thing that she never knew was is she was going to make it.

My hands shake, my head aches
a couple more pills i take.
It will go away,
the shakes, the aches and the pain
this is all part of the game,
The game of fate.
Will i live, or will i die?
However many pills i take
i decide
will i live or will i die?
i think as i close my eyes
my heart keeps beating
i guess it decides,
not tonight.

Broken man,
did she do that to you?
Did she rip your heart in two?
Did you fall in love with her eyes that were so blue?
Then watched them blankly stare,
after she said she never cared.
You said it wasn't true
but the words she spoke got rid of that hope.
Maybe if you could have read what was on her mind,
watched her eyes as she spoke,
she was saving you...
from what was bound to come.
Because she knew one day,
she was going to pull the trigger on that gun.

She sits on the shower floor
behind a locked door.
She looks at her distorted face,
on the faucet.
And she know's she's lost it.
She screams in the air,
"do you know how it feels for no one to care?"
she angrily grips her hair.
She's lost it she swears.

I can't see through these blurry tears.
I'll forever miss the hand
that pushed my hair behind my ear.
Why does no one stay?
Either they or i,
always push the other away.
Maybe we're afraid
i cannot say.
You did not stay.
And now i am so so lonely.

I gave up after a long battle.
I had to many scars,
drank at too many bars,
wanted to stand in front of too many cars.
I refuse to be dependent on anything or anyone
so tomorrow i won't see the sun.
I'll  be long gone.
When these roses die,
so will i.

Staring, unseeing, into the darkness of the night,
do you know what's looking back at you?
Besides the moon,
is something watching you in your room?
For the creatures of the night are always there,
even if they aren't caught by your stare.

You let me sleep in your bed,
when i thought monsters were under my bed.
You let me scream i hate you
and you still knew i loved you.
I'm sorry i'm so mean,
I don't know what's happening to me.
Just don't give up please,
I've lost myself, and i need you help.