House full of screams
i either listen to music or cry to fall asleep.
This is not a home.
This is a house as empty as one with no one.
I curl in my ball on my bed
trying to get their shouting out of my head,
if this is living
i'd rather be dead.

He taps on the window
like a tapping crow,
out of your bed you go.
Unlocking the clasp
i give you a nervous laugh,
you crawl in
almost losing your shoe,
you fall through.  
And you noticed the whole time him looking at you.
You barely know each other
and you can't stop starring at one another.
He gives you a small smile and moves closer
touching your elbow
starring about three inches under your eyebrow's
right at your rose colored lips.
You back up into your bed
sweet dizziness fills your head.
He places his hands on your hips
places a finger on your lips
he raises his eye brows
above the two eyes filled with clouds.
In an instant
your lips meet
you fall on your sheets
you rip of my shirt over my head
rolling on top of one another on the bed
my fingers wrap in your hair.
The only thing on the two lovers in underwear
inside the sheet made up heaven your love you swear.
It's better than Romeo and Juliet written by Shakespeare.
He kisses your neck holding you near
we jump in the shower.
He sits you down
and kisses your surprised lips.
You let the water get high
while the time flies.
You turn the shower off
exchange laughs
then cuddle all night in the bath.

Twenty one roses.
Twenty one days.
Everyday a rose will go up in flames
and everyday i drink tell i can't remember my name.
They might say it's the only thing that keeps me sane.
As i watch the rose burning,
begging for rain.
I smoke my last in the pack
my lungs fill with the smoke
slowly turning black.
Just like the roses i burn to a crisp
reminding me of your burning lips
your hands you placed on my hips
our fiery kiss.
The unburnt rose's bliss.
Inside me you ignited a spark
which led to a fire in my heart,
one you never extinguished.
Now i sit here in anguish.
It's November fifth,
this day last year you kissed my lips.
With rose's i'm down to my sixth.
The fire in me wouldn't let me sleep
for in my heart it was buried deep.
And the thought of you only makes it grow,
burning me up everyday oh so slow.
I decided to put of the fire
so i lite the six up,
then stood on my balcony in the rain
a smile forming on my face.
Then i heard the door bell ring
opened it and saw you with a dozen rose's, smiling.

In the meadow
under the tree's shadow
two lovers lay
in the shade.
Wrapped up in the thought of running away
but will together they stay?
They hold hands
making plans
to travel in a van.
All across the land.
No need for a home.
Only each other to hold.
Chasing the night.

The drugs are quick.
We laid on the beach
sand covered our feet.
Our hands and lips dying to meet.
Our bodies warm on the sheet.
Maybe it was the drugs
or maybe it was the look in your eyes.
But i wanted to kiss the lips that formed your smile.
The waves were crashing and i was falling
your name i was calling.
So you took my hand
and whispered sweet things to me underneath the moonlight in the sand.
And prayed the sun would take awhile
to make it to the other side of the earth as it ran.
The moon was on my side
it lite up our love filled eyes,
kept the tide high.
So you'd hear the waves cry
and not two lovers sigh
deep into the night.
Bathed in moonlight
i read you my poems
you played your guitar and sang.
I loved the way you said my name.
You took me by surprise
and kissed me deeply with tired eyes
and held me close the rest of the night,
trying to outrun the sunlight.

You kissed my trembling lips.
Smiled into my sadness filled eyes.
Made me want to survive
you made me feel alive
as i struggled inside.
I gave you all that was left of my heart,
left was only a small part.
But with you it was finally home
no longer having to roam.
So i gave you all of me
in between your bed sheets
and cups of coffee
and poetry
in the forest full of tree's
in notes to you signed by me
in stories shared by the sea
in camping in tents reading together at night tell three
in shared CD's.
I gave you all of me.
And still felt whole.

They never knew why
she wrote all the time.
Or why she'd listen to piano music all night.
Or why she'd never let anyone she her cry.
Or smile.
Or why she'd run outside
in the middle of the night
just to look at the moon and smile.
Or why she'd sit outside on a warm summer night and smoke
for awhile.
They never questioned her sad eyes
because they all heard her rehearsed lies.
They never knew that with her happiness she faked it
but the thing that she never knew was is she was going to make it.

I stared at the moon in the car,
clouds slowly drifting past it from afar
i wondered how it feel to be so alone but close to the stars
never being able to survive
without the sun's shine.
Like i couldn't when i stopped calling you mind
when i forgot the color of your eyes.
The sun would rise
and leave the moon alone to die.
Then come back the next night
just to leave again in the morning and let her die.
Because the sun made the moon alive just to **** it again.
Kind of like when you held my hand
and told me this was the end.

I told you i wanted to die.
As i laid down and cried,
but all you noticed was the smell of my alcohol breath.
You should have noticed.
You thought  it would be better for my sister to go yes
that would be best
right?
Because she has more of a fight
to survive
not me.
Not even as i lay down and for my death i plea
but should i go to the hospital?
No need.
Even when the days go by i never speak.
I get too much or not enough sleep.
But you think its not because of the dreams..
But everything is not as it seems.
I'm falling apart and breaking my stitching at the seams.
I can't ask for help
and you will never look
because you think i'm an open book...
Not one with pages torn and sadness filled words like "i can't"
because i'm insignificant.

By the lake
she sits on the back deck,
fingers running along her collarbones
protruding underneath her neck.
The night covers her like a blanket
wraps her in its cold, but comforting embrace.
Tears stream down her face
looking at the night sky
she wonders why
she's alive.
She longs to feel the warmth of love
but all she has is the night.
The only thing to curl up to in bed after she gives into sleep
no longer able to fight.
The only thing she can whisper to in the dark
is the dark itself.
The only thing she asks for help.
The only thing that can hear her helpless little yelp.
It joins her on her swim in the lakes
when she longs for a escape.
It would join her all the way to the bottom
if she decided to seal her fate.
if the night and darkness are the only thing
that's been there for her,
then why would sinking to the bottom of the lake make her unsure?
As she floats towards the black sand
she see's night looking down at her and feel's darkness
take her hand...
And off to the bottom they swam.

What's she's feeling shows on her skin
this self harm game she'll never win.
She enjoys it when she sin's.
You could call her a sinner
or a cutter.
But it won't stop her from taking that drug or blade
for another.
Her mind she got from her mother.
But the pain is like any other
praying to her father,
she's asking,
"how do i recover?
why do i even bother?
should i scream louder?".
Or will they yell at her for crying wolf?
calling her a fool
because they couldn't understand her "help".
They never understood how she felt
they always believed someone else
like the medicine on her shelf.
So she killed herself.

I laid on those train tracks,
with cement blocks
holding me in place.
My mouth covered in tape
so when the train came
i wouldn't scream.
I could still cry,
but i never felt the need to try.
I felt the need to die.
I heard in the distance the train sigh,
I felt death lay down next to me and smile.
He knew the train wouldn't take awhile
so did i.
So i looked up at the sky
for the last time
i smiled,
turned my head to the oncoming train
felt the tear of the sky's rain.
Then i felt no pain
i closed my eyes
said goodbye to the sky
then watched the train pass me by
death driving by with a smile.

crated to an imperfection
the moon and her's reflection.
Glowing back at her in the lakes surface
she wasn't nervous.
She came here for a purpose.
She sank her feet into the sand
felt the water with her hands
looked up at the moon
thought of your face
quickened her pace
lowered her head underwater
and never came back up to the lakes surface.

The wind wip's her face
the tree next to her, the only thing to embrace.
In this lonely place.
Staring at the ocean's depth and waves
calling her name.
She comes here on the edge of the cliff
because it makes her feel alive.
And god knows she's dead inside.
She brings her pack
because breathing in the smoke
is less painful than jumping of a chair with a noose around your throat.
But she goes closer to the edge this time
wondering why
she choose's to die
one cigarette at a time
instead of
joining the killing waves.
And ending her days spent in the horrible place.
She peeks over the edge
"go over" says her head
she takes a step.
The end.

Summer creeps into the air
the sun brightens her hair.
But not her sad dark eyes..
She's still in despair.
Her life was never fair
but she doesn't care.
Her sadness and insanity
were the perfect pair.
Underneath all that hair,
they hid in the darkest parts of her,
where she doesn't dare to try and find.
She writes in her journal all the time,
but these things control her insane mind.
She tries to explain to her therapist using hand motions,
like a mime trying to display a crime.
Because it's hard to say
that dark thoughts fill her head everyday.
Begging her to let them out to play.
That is the only way to keep them at bay.
So they don't steal even the light of the day.

You smell like tea,
you smile at me.
Give me love i plea.
Your hands so timid and gentle on my face
into your arms i'm embraced.
You make me feel safe.
You make my heart race.
I trace your jawline and stare into your ocean eyes
give me love i cry.
i nuzzle my face into your neck,
love is what i expect.
You run your hands down my back
creating shivers that's a fact.
Happiness with you i never lack.
I love you too the moon and back.
Your smile so sweet,
the music you play
get's stuck in my head for days.
Your lips i crave.
We both love the ocean,
we express ourselves with words unspoken.
Your piano play a soft lovely melody,
my hands write a sad tragedy.
Your hand fits in mine like a glove,
give me love.

Drown my sorrows
instead of myself.
My liquors top shelf.
She doesn't kid herself,
she's clinically insane
only alive for the game.
Sadness is all she gains.
She doesn't watch the rain,
she's too busy sleeping away the pain.
To keep herself sane.
She throws back the pills
with five in her grasp,
she keeps going and starts to laugh.
This is the way a psychopath acts.

Have i gone mad yet?
My head has cracks,
there's something wild about my laugh.
Sanity i sometimes lack.
My head is a labyrinth,
not a map.
Your bound to get off track
and lose your mind along the way
with every dark path you decide to take.
But i know every dark thought
and it haunts me everyday..
But i wouldn't mind if they stayed,
i often stay inside nightmares for days.
The dreams in which i'm dying are the best iv'e ever had.
So have i gone mad?

I am not a full moon.
I am the crescent moon.
Because i  will always be empty.
And doomed,
to die alone its true.
The dying stars make the sky
a graveyard.
I see them moving
while i'm in the car
and realized i'm not the stars
who die with another not too far.
I am the moon who can't make it through the night
with out the sun that shines so bright.
Darling will you be my light?

With curls in her hair,
the forest in her eyes.
Everyone believed her when she said she was fine...
she lied.
Those forest eyes often cried.
She always wanted to be like the birds and fly
but felt her wings were broken
so she never tried.
Her element was fire,
it sole purpose was to destroy.
She destroyed herself,
in order to save everyone else.
But her forest eyes
made many people smile.
As she laid on the cool tile
her arms bleeding for awhile
her sister realized her broken smile,
that when she said she was doing fine, she lied.
So her sister went to her and held her
while she cried
said everything was going to be fine,
she didn't like.
She would hold her together forever
until her sister was truly better.

Sprouting leaves
rustling in the wind like waves
i could stay here for days.
From the ground they raise up
some roots buried deep into the ponds muck.
The tree's creak.
A language only i know how to decipher and speak.
The tree's are strong and i am weak,
but they give me the breath i need.
Their bark sometimes scarred just like my arms,
the son catches my eyes making them more blue,
i swear every tree root
grows inside me too.
My body will grow as tall as the tree's
growing old, and in the wind it creaks.
But i will never be weak
either will the tree's..
The tree is me.

Suicide was on her mind,
her smile was unkind.
She had a wild mind,
that didn't let her sleep at night.
Her thoughts way on her heavy, not light
it's either fight or flight.
She was always a fighter.
But craved to be higher,
she stood on top of that tower
starring down at the flowers
she realized she had lost the power,
to fight...
and decided to flight..
so she jumped into the night.

Broken man,
did she do that to you?
Did she rip your heart in two?
Did you fall in love with her eyes that were so blue?
Then watched them blankly stare,
after she said she never cared.
You said it wasn't true
but the words she spoke got rid of that hope.
Maybe if you could have read what was on her mind,
watched her eyes as she spoke,
she was saving you...
from what was bound to come.
Because she knew one day,
she was going to pull the trigger on that gun.

Look how the snow sparkles in the street light
trying to match the twinkle in your sad eyes.
You want to feel alive
as alive as the night.
Humming in the street light,
you slip to the cool ground
your humming the only sound.
The cold snow seeps into your clothes
while laying in the snow bed.
Happy too feel the cool sting, to know your not dead.

Staring, unseeing, into the darkness of the night,
do you know what's looking back at you?
Besides the moon,
is something watching you in your room?
For the creatures of the night are always there,
even if they aren't caught by your stare.

She's lost control again
she cut herself open
not a word she's spoken
about how much she's broken.
No medicine she takes
without it she wants to feel okay
even if she has to fake,
how much she wants to go drown herself in the lake.
Or be taken under by the waves.
She sleeps for days,
for in dreams we enter a world entirely our own
and there she doesn't feel so alone.
There she is in your arms and she is home.
But she always wakes up.
She realize's she's ****** up
when she decides to go stand in front of a truck.

I gave up after a long battle.
I had to many scars,
drank at too many bars,
wanted to stand in front of too many cars.
I refuse to be dependent on anything or anyone
so tomorrow i won't see the sun.
I'll  be long gone.
When these roses die,
so will i.

I'm jealous of the moon,
because it outlines your thin, tall silhouette
while i'm smoking a cigarette.
It makes your dark eyes shine,
when our legs are entwined.
It knows what's on your mind
because it watches you while you write.
In the middle of the night,
while your laying by my side.
The moon can touch all of you at once
just as good as i at rising goosebumps.
You'll stare at it for hours,
outside my window,
while i'm holding you in our shower.
It's as mysterious and captivating as i,
i see it in your eyes.
Don't lie.
It knows your smile is shy,
as i'm trapped by your thighs,
distracted my your shinning eyes.
Your a moon child, and so am i.
Because it knows your darkest lies,
it the middle of the night.
I'm jealous of the moon,
because,
it knows you just as well as i do.

Kiss my lips and feel that spark
i glow in the dark.
i have a fire inside my heart.
I was corrupted from the start.
I'm a fiery mess,
in my tight black dress,
you can't resist.
But be careful baby,
playing with fire will get you hurt.
If you touch you'll get burnt.
If you try,
i'll leave you destroyed.
Just so i can feel alive.

You let me sleep in your bed,
when i thought monsters were under my bed.
You let me scream i hate you
and you still knew i loved you.
I'm sorry i'm so mean,
I don't know what's happening to me.
Just don't give up please,
I've lost myself, and i need you help.

She sits on the shower floor
behind a locked door.
She looks at her distorted face,
on the faucet.
And she know's she's lost it.
She screams in the air,
"do you know how it feels for no one to care?"
she angrily grips her hair.
She's lost it she swears.

Your body shakes
your helpless to the quakes.
You wither on your sheets.
Your mouth screams.
Help me.
Silently
you choke on the words unspoken,
your mouth hangs open.
Its not over.
You pull your knee's up, closer
and hug yourself tight,
deep into the night.

I can't see through these blurry tears.
I'll forever miss the hand
that pushed my hair behind my ear.
Why does no one stay?
Either they or i,
always push the other away.
Maybe we're afraid
i cannot say.
You did not stay.
And now i am so so lonely.

That rope around your throat
oh no
don't choke.
Cigarette i smoke,
my last in the pack.
Then hands grip my back
my waist around they wrap
those hands i know.
I adore them so.
They hold me tight,
while i sleep at night.
He cries don't leave me,
i sigh oh baby.
He say's he'll never let me go
I'm too lost to be found though.
Everyday he saves me.
But one day,
he'll be too late..
And i'll have sealed my fate.

You'll be a queen of heaven now and sit with the angles.
No more pain.
No more games.
No more trying.
Nor more crying.
Do you want to learn to fly?
All you have to do is try.
Take the jump,
go ahead and try, you won't cry.
Your throat won't have that lump.
Take the jump.

The snow so white
my skin so pale and bright.
The dark night cries.
Just like my dark dark eyes.
The cold gray skies know,
they match my soul.
And the blizzard unforgiving,
matches me when i'm grinning.
Winter, cold dark that wrecks,
resembles me.
I'm such a mess.

The dark thoughts that fill my head
as soon as i'm in bed.
They haunt my dreams
i should not like them,
although it may seem...
They're my favorite dreams.
Nightmares,
make me so aware
that all monsters are human,
they're in our heads.
While i lay in bed.
They're in my head,
not underneath
where they're said to be.
The monster is me.

My hands shake, my head aches
a couple more pills i take.
It will go away,
the shakes, the aches and the pain
this is all part of the game,
The game of fate.
Will i live, or will i die?
However many pills i take
i decide
will i live or will i die?
i think as i close my eyes
my heart keeps beating
i guess it decides,
not tonight.

The funeral under the sea,
there's no one here but me.
I can't see,
i wonder who it's for
i'm the only one there
maybe there's supposed to be more?
I'm not so sure.
I'm tired and my arms are sore,
from trying so hard i'm sure.
I need to rest
in this casket
in my black dress. I'm a mess.
And i know if i sleep now,
sleep away the distress,
know that i had given up
and there's no such thing as waking up.