If my blood is as red as your lips,
how can i not draw it?
And if your fingertips are as smooth as my back
why are they not traveling it?
If my laugh is as chilling as thunder
then why is it not echoing in your mind?
If my heart beats as fast as your shaking hands
then why aren't you holding it?
If your lungs are as black as my fingertips
then why isn't my touch making your breath come faster?
If my skin has as many goosebumps as yours does chills
then why aren't they touching?
If our souls play the same song
then why aren't we together.

It's okay that you take my breath away
I never wanted to breathe without you near anyway.
It's okay you can't fix me,
i'm not broken,
just a puzzle, a labyrinth, that can't be figured out.
I know you never wanted to give up,
but your arm's were tired of holding me together,
and i just couldn't let go.
But believe me i'm trying,
I just don't know what will happen
whether i can hold myself above the water,
whether i break my neck hanging,
or stand tall.
I'd tell you i'm a broken crumbling building,
but i want you to remember me as lightening.
As thunder as it vibrates through you.
And piano music when it gives you chills.
As storms when they give you thrills.
I just want to be remembered by you,
even if i'm gone.
Even if i have to let go.

My skin is cold
your hands are warm
My lungs are black
your heart is gold
My fingers can't stop trembling
your hands can't stop shaking
I'm sorry i'm breaking.
I'm sorry you're done saving.
Don't be sorry,
it's my fault.
I'm drowning,
it wasn't your job to teach me how to swim.

You know what my skin feels like along your lips
you know what my hips feel like with your fingertips
you know look on my face when i've had too much to drink
you know the feeling of my legs around your back
you know the sigh i make at 3 am but not from loneliness
you know the feeling of my lips tasting skin that responds with shivers when i respond with pulling away
you know the feel on my back moving and twisting.
You do not know what my lips look like when they are trembling.
You do not know how it feels with my hips hard against the floor shaking with a shaking body and not pressed against yours, still shaking
You do not know what my face looks like when i am trying not to scream his name
You do not know how my legs look curled up on my reading chair itching to be wrapped around him.
You do not know my sighs in the night that scream his name silently
You do not know how much my lips did not want to kiss yours that night.
You do not know how sorry and how not sorry i am.

I'm not sorry i took that drink from the glass bottle when you asked me again and again
and i'm not sorry that my eyes were as glassy and empty.
I'm not sorry i let you run your fingers along my spine,
even though you were fumbling.
I'm not sorry i let you sigh my name as i pressed my hips against yours.
I am not sorry that your lips didn't make my heart beat any faster.
I'm not sorry that your skin didn't give me shivers.
I'm not sorry that i avoided your lips.
I am not sorry that you touched my skin but not my heart.
I am not sorry that i didn't want to touch you at all.
I am sorry that you touched skin that would never have goosebumps rise for your fingertips.
I am sorry that you held a body that would never lay next to you on your bed and let the scent soak in.
I am sorry that you gripped fingers in hair that would never be displayed along your chest.
I am sorry that my lips would rather touch a glass bottle than your neck.
I am sorry that you tried to hold onto me and i left with no intention of returning like the sea.
I am so sorry you chose me to pour your love into that night.
You should have just poured another drink.

I am 6 ft underneath.
I wanted to be next to the root's of tree's
i left in my note that i wanted you to be buried next to me,
so we can be together again.
So do not cry
i'm in my favorite blue dress
and i don't have to have a smile plastered to my lips.
Mom do not lay in my bed
your thoughts will start to hurt your head
and i don't want my pillow to collect more tears.
I had a good few years,
so do not fear.
Dad do not try and understand why i had to go
you cannot reason with death.
And he's a really good kisser.
Sister you can have all my things
please wear them,
remember me.
Sister i'm sorry i left
but do not wear your favorite dress
and beg for a taste of death's lips.
Bestfriend,
travel for me?
Bring my notebook and write down everything.
If i wasn't in the ground
you know i'd be with you.
so do not cry,
you know the reason why.

Kiss me like you know what we're doing.
Make me shake with shivers,
like i'm outside naked in the winter.
Wrap your fingers in my hair
like your trying to hold air.
On my neck plant kisses
like that puppy did when you got him for chirstmas.
Hold me close like i'm the rarest rose.
I'll lay my head in the crook of your neck
like its the cool side of my pillow on my bed.
I'll plant gentle kisses on your neck,
like they're secrets.
Trail your fingers across my skin
like i'm your favorite instrument.
Plant kisses along my inner thighs
everyone as sweet as stolen kisses in the night.
Make me sigh like my breath makes you high.
Hold me close all night
like you're afraid i'm going to take flight,
right up until the sunrise.
But never, never, kiss me goodbye.