Cheeks flushed,
Golden hair so thin...
I gaze upon you
Many a morning.
Achingly,
I chart
Your every movement,
And hope to create more
False
Assumptions
About your being,
And your doings

Wasn’t always like this
Hands shaking,
Heart a-poundin’,
I wasn’t always like this
Struggling
Just to take a breath
I wasn’t always like this
But now I’m trying
Not to drown in myself

Wasn’t always like this
Please hold me
Together
So I don’t break even more

I’m not saying that the love I felt wasn't true,

but you’re long gone —you were never here,

and you've got someone that you hold very dear.

I’m taking the long road away, far away,

Maybe I’ll run into you again some day.

But I hope not,

because if I do,

then I might just fall back in love with you.

I’m done with pining,

and sighing,

and moaning,

because I’ll never ever have you,

and it’s about time that I get going.

Dwelling on my failure

to share how I feel,

is not going to help anything,

I mean c’mon, let’s be real.

It’s my fault that you never even knew-

in fact you still don’t-

and that’s my fault too.

It’s better that way, though,

so I’ll let this be.

Goodbye my first love,

you never even knew me.

I want to lie on sheets of vapor-
to fall asleep on a bed of clouds;
and when my dream-like wings are gone, dear,
I want you,
all to myself.

Your sleeve gently brushes mine
we are in a crowd-
a train station, I believe.

Our eyes both shoot upward,
to the face of the passerby we happened to interact with,
and it is then that I feel a deep sensation
like the tide rushing up on the shore of my heart.

Everything falls silent,
and then that phrase plays in my head.
Words so tenderly sung with bitter intentions,
"do you feel?"

For the first time,
yes,
I felt.
I felt more than I could ever imagine feeling.
Every secret of the world entered my mind,
and every feeling I had felt flooded down my face through tears.

"Do you feel?"



"More than ever before."

am I Evil
for wanting
to kiss you?

Evil?
for melting
to warm words spoken in hushed whispers?

Is it really Evil
of me
to glow in your presence?

or is it
Evil
to deny yourself
this one bit of Heaven?

You were             g  o  n  e
before i had come.
A leftover
s
     h
        e
           l
               l
from an
emotional death.
no   Soul
no   Heart
no   Smile
no   Head
and,
compared to my heart,
what's left of You
is even more dead.

i am worthless by myself

need to hold and be held or i'll self destruct

i'm like expensive china without a bit of self-worth

drop me too quickly and i'll willingly shatter on the ******* earth

i am worthless by myself

I can smell Marlboros

cold hands
warm mouth

gold
gold,gold,gold, yellow hues

red-hot flame
burning,burning aching for you

life's in shambles
but i know for sure

want to hold you kiss you touch you
til my lungs are filled with tar

still got butterflies
when honey met chocolate and you looked me in the eyes

but your honey's frozen solid and you don't give a ****

you couldn't care less about me

my chocolate won't melt for you again

my nights are filled with a cold embrace
from someone else's familiar face
pasted onto the body i know

i'm searching
and hoping
for my skin-covered home

but it's never you,
not the one that i love

in my dreams i am doomed
to another's frigid touch

see, my subconscious knows
that in my heart,
i'm so cold
i see your face, hear your voice,
but cannot remember
how to hold

I wanted to touch you
but I didn't this time

I wanted to kiss you
but you are not Mine

speakers pounded to the beat of my heart
my ears were ringing at the sight of you

my stomach tied in knots from the start
never been so close (can i struggle through?)

i wanna be adored
and its all your **** fault
(well actually its mine,
cause i knew from the start)

for thinking we could just be friends
i'm a lying fool

this won't end well

this
wont
end
well

You're not afraid of eye connection,
Or something called a "sensitive topic",
Like an open door,
You let me in,
Sweet little sunshine, you're my best friend.

Flitting through the trees,
Never staying in one place,
If only I could grab a hold of you,
Have you shed a little light to warm my face.

Sometimes it gets so chilly,
My fingers cramp and I feel I could die.
At these times, summery sunshine,
I think of you,
And I know I'll be just fine.

Diving into a draining pool.
I take my leap like all the others
Into this small, yet oh-so-large
Brand new place-
-I’m feeling smothered.

“Take deep breaths,
Just practice your swimming.” 
I swim as I please,
Don’t you kick water in my face,
(*******- er, silly)!

I’ll float on my back,
Just glide with ease,
In wait for that one day,
When I reach the drain.

The water’s deep now,
Shallow it will gradually become.
I’ll sink,-
-no air in my lungs.

But I’ll live,
I’ll make it through,
And their faces will fade.
Ones I "loved" so much,
suddenly insignificant.

One day for sure,
This pool will be gone.
I’ll just have to wait until it’s my turn.

the words that i breathe,
i breathe unto you only.
wisps of my love,
sent out by pure will

and the words that i breathe,
are my lifeline;
thin wire,
connecting  me-------to -------you

and these words that i breathe
cannot be seen
but i feel them so strongly

for these words that i breathe
are the deep, dark and huge longings
that i feel towards you.

NO,
YOU SIT THERE AND YOU WRING YOUR  ****** HANDS FAR AWAY FROM MINE SHAKING AND  WHEN THE COPS WITH THEIR SHINING THIRST FOR BLAME SHOW UP, YOU SAY

"WASN'T ME OFFICERS,-
HE DID IT"

You're like a loose cannon
In the middle of peace

Every time
I run into you
I'm left incomplete

You shoot the hell out of me
When I even glance your way

I must avoid you
I guess
I must
Stay away
Before you
Shoot
My
Head
O    F  F

I need to get my eyebrows waxed
I have been for a while.
The pain and sting remind me
Of the one that caught my eye.
A time when once this was for you
I can hardly remember.
But,
My heart still throbs inside
When I think of last November

hate that it was so easy to get ****** right in again

sight smell and touch
are my enemies not my friends

golden honey
i imagined it dripping

the way that you looked at me
was actually quite different

i'm your trail of regrets? i'm your life's mistakes?
weren't saying that when you were ******* my face three months ago

i love love love you
to the moon and back

but not an ounce of consideration?

i'm glad i took my heart back

i always see myself
as soft and supple

but my body is coarse and rough and

i'm not too good for touching

worthless by myself

My life
NO LONGER ******* REVOLVES AROUND YOU

did i ever taste as sweet
as a warm bar of chocolate?

as soft and exquisite
as i was told?

you always liked the purest dark chocolate
maybe i've always been
Bitter
Dry
and cold

maybe there's a reason
honey and chocolate don't mix
maybe its for the best
if we keep this Distance

what goes through your mind,
when chocolate meets honey?
when our eyes and minds intersect,
is it dripping and lovely?

i guess i'm nothing but harsh, stinging and sour

but Honey,

your honey

is no longer     runny