And why,
If she is just collateral damage
In your playbook of games,
Do you keep revisiting the idea of her?
Why do you keep offering just enough of yourself to her,
Just enough so that she can grasp to you without holding you?
You are making her more weak everyday that she strives to hold on.
One day her grip will slip.
And it will all be over,
Her loving you,
You having someone to boost your ego,
You having someone you know is always there,
And her. You will end her.

The world is not yet awake.
I can hear my own heart throb in my chest.
I can hear air rush in and out of my lungs.
At 2am I can clear my head of everything that consumes it,
And remember to breathe,
And enjoy being alive,
At 2am.

You were in the house I visited tonight.
The boy I right all my poems about,
10 feet below me.
Your car was parked in the street next to mine
We were in the same house,
But in completely different homes.
I could hear your voice echo up the stairs,
Yet when I left you had yet uttered a word to me.
Nor had I seen that you truly existed within that home.

yeah I'm fine, why do you ask?
is it because you miss me,
or do you miss me missing you?
is it because you still love me,
or are you afraid I'm starting to not love you,    anymore?

I heard you met someone new.
She seems nice.
And you seem happy.
And although I'm sick to my stomach,
I'm happy.
Because your happy...
Or are you?

i am a writer.
no matter what, that is what I am.
my mid afternoon ice cream snack can turn into a 300 word poem.
nothing comes easy to me except words.
writing is an escape.
it is a way to feel everything and nothing at the same time.
writing to me is like breathing.
without it my whole world would implode.
my mind would fill with thoughts enough to fill the pits that have been left in my soul.
if I did not write I would not live.

My first love has a name. He has a story, a dark side, and a side he hides. He has craters of secrets as deep and complex as the moon, and he holds within him things I'll never quite understand. I didn't think someone could captivate my heart so easily and effortlessly. He means nothing to some, but is the world to me. He still has me completely enamored with how perfect and beautiful and kind and loving he is. His dark side, some will never see it. But sometimes you just love everything about a person, and I love his dark side, the side he doesn't show to most. The side he's ashamed is a part of him. His eyes scream for attention, and I see something in him most don't. He is the most perfect human I have ever crossed patches with, and I love everything about him. This world is a treacherous place, and when I begin to drown, he is the person I want to hold me, he is the person I want to run to. But things are different now. Unfortunate circumstances led to one thing, and led to another, and things just aren't the same. I no longer can tell you my secrets. Can no longer know you'll be there to talk when things get to be a little much. Sometimes I catch you watching me. You'll just stop and stare into my eyes for seconds, that seen like time stands still, crack your beautiful soft smile, I smile back, and we continue with our day. It's our little secret, and it seems to me there's something inside you that still screams "go get her". It's nice to know some days, that little part of you comes out that still loves me. I will never stop loving you. And I'm afraid I'll never quite love someone as much as you, and that scares me, but I love you, I do.