Not such a familiar place,

or anything that has been known.

A brush, a touch, delicate like lace,

quivering water, disturbed by the smallest stone.

Hiding from the curses being thrown,

carefully stepping over those who have stumbled.

Stealing glances every chance, knowing eyes,

velvet fingertips and pure hearts,

a chance to hold on, to run away from goodbyes.

Spend forever together, before the melancholy starts.

Bring out a straight jacket, binding to another,
tied down with wedding fever, temperatures at
one thousand years of slavery. Falling
so quickly like rose petals off of their dying
host, walking into their shower, covered
in the death of hundreds.
Trying to impress all those who said no,  
as well as those who lied and said yes.

Bring out the pills to get through, swallowing
pieces of soul never to resurface. Lying white
gowns, defacing an idea of purity, which
has long ago disappeared.
Using a corkscrew to force open two hearts,
drinking until it becomes almost natural to smile.

Pressing twisted bodies together, fitting together
like pieces of separate puzzles.

When did it happen, the atrocity of expected union.
When did it become a cultural expectation to sell
body, heart, soul and mind?

The idea is elusive, far to difficult
For you to grasp. That I am right here,
waiting to be loved.
I wish I would just die. The welcome friend.
Is sympathy so hard to give to me?
No one can bear to look my frightful
state; eyes blurred, mouth tightened,
hands trembling as I stare.

Standing outside your moms car,
Mouths tight as we exchange
Formal cold greetings and stiff embraces.
Repeating our words just to have something to say.
Awkward silences are better than the lies I spoke.
Me reassuring you that I am fine.
You acting like you care what I am saying,
keeping eye contact but never smiling.

Seeing the scars on my arm, I know you would run,
like when we were kids running from normal
Friday nights, wanting adventure and craving love.
All you need is my help, my emotions,
to make yourself feel wanted.
I am a fool to have fallen for you.
I am a fool to wonder if you still think about me.
After the years of hurt, and the tears I have cried,
all I ask is for one thing from you.
Please, I am begging do not ever come back to me.
Do not ever expect me to open my arms like I did all
those times. Stay far away and let me heal, because I
still want you everyday and I need to let go.

Give me an overcast day over any other.
Give me a day so dreary that the sun
is completely blocked out. So that I am not
blinded by the ultra violet rays
I can’t repel, due to my deformed
eyes. Give me a day where I am not
deformed, when I can see with
distinction all of the color
and the green in the cemetery across
the road. Stay behind the clouds,
bright sun. So I can see the world
and not be afraid that tears will begin
to form and people will ask
whats wrong. So I will not have to explain
my deformity, and I can see
the colors in the cemetery across the road.