Please let me preface
I dont like people
crouds make me cringe
and while i value my friends
i highly value my solitude
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I cant picture a face
when i close my eyes
when my mind trys to grant
that one final human wish
before slumber encompases my body
and reality and dreams interlace
For i have no soul to match with mine
nor a soul to follow
in deepest secret with the fleeting hope
that maybe our souls shall intertwine
But i wish not for two to meld
for hearts to pledge an undying vow
for lust and ****** greed
for billowing convorsations

But silence

An individual respect for ourselves
two beings gracious for company
bodies laid side by side
your fingers tracing circles
on blank canvasses of skin
Where there is but an understanding
that breath so silent can be pleasently shared
and electic touch soulfull
igniting warmth surrounding my heart
of which embers burn soft and hot

Where aching muscles
tense from harsh realities
are smoothed away with solid hands
a mutual relationship where the
solidarity in thought is aknowlegded
yet the pleaure derived from presense
a caring being holding steadfast
unwilling to let me go
gentle and kind
Where the silence of
spiritual understanding guides
the instictual need for
companionship

Groggy,
awoken by a harsh tone
unsympathetic to the delicate state
in which my mind remains
half clutching, memorizing the calm

A fragile existence
built to long upon lust and desires
buried so far below natural thought
unnaturally woven into undetermined
projections

The eyes and smile and picture of you
so familliar then
The electricity pulsating through
touch
the lyrics sung on the tip of my tongue
caressed carefully by consciousness
hidden by greed of selfishness
that you are mine
I am yours

But artificial yellows dank and austere
swell before me
which pale in comparison to
golden hues of fog employed
to haunt and taunt the waking memory  
fragmenting a joyful slumber
into only a few definable visions where you remain

I sleep to dream
the strange obscure odd
the close calm clash of skin
the beauty built memories
the expression of my fears
the faces distant in reality
the hopes projections life
I dream to live
in ignorant bliss on tragic days
in senarios built far beyond truth
in all i need power control
in glorious homes white regal
in dank rooms gyms banquets
in your his thier arms minds
I live to escape
where explanations unjudged
where brief unfolds to clarity
where confidence subconcious lies
I escape to lucidity
I am in control

i dont believe you understand
there is a fine line my friend
or at least i thought you were
i told you, and her, and her
in confidence
but you told all of them
all of the girls you call your friend
yet have no problem saying you hate
this was my private life
my nights i spent out on walks
sharing souls and hands and lips
i chose to give that away
yet you failed to respect that boundary
to even grace me with a response
instead a few words typed between classes
a short apology
defied.
im not mad
oh trust me
if i was mad
you would know
it hurts
im disappointed in you
in my decisions in who to confide
and i know im ranting
and i apologize
but lets be real
my life is mine and not yours
please stay out
i dont want any part in your drama
your need to **** everyone over
please, leave me alone

If i was forced to say goodbye
I had a pen and paper
A cool metal desk
Four walls and a roof
Bars beside
Heres what i would scribe

I regret nothing
I grew until they covered my sunlight, choked the water out, failed to share the oxygen with me.
Greedy
I chose my way to this place, perhaps upon a path not regularly taken.
I will not lesve without just retaliation, but i give my soul to you, not to god, but you, for my existance i tempory until,
You carry me forward upon time

We've done this countless times before
But i will always be angry
And you will always be hurt
Such is said to put the past behind us
And tonight for the fourth
Final
Time
I will