Her wrinkles marked parentheses around her lips
Where her smile used to be
Her wrinkles haunt her like ghosts
Happiness a distant memory.

Today marked the first time
I used a pipe cleaner

For its actual purpose 

And suddenly

A simple action

Turned momentous.

I found the furred wire

In an old box of crafts

My mother had saved
From elementary school projects.


As I prodded the pipe

With the cleaner that was only ever
Supposed to be used
To bend into bracelets,
I couldn’t help thinking of you.

I used to only find kisses 

In cartoon form:
Stickers attached
To the backs of coloring books
.

My greatest childhood love?
Flipping on a flashlight to
Devour my latest book
Well past my bedtime.

So clean,
So pure,
So bliss.

So scrubbing away resin
Feels akin to washing away sins
Because like Adam and like Eve
Somewhere along the line
I lost my innocence.

At best you’re a rusty melody
A lyric gone foggy and distant
But don’t fret my poor lovely
I’ll  tune you right back to existence —

We’ll take on the world one song at a time,
We’ll pour our unconventional love into our rhymes.

Chapped lips
Remind me of
Cracked concrete
And how you’d say
Step on a crack and
I’ll never come back!

Except a tree branch
Uprooted the sidewalk
And I fell forward and heart first
Hoping you’d catch me by the shoulder
But you stood true to your word
Because by the time I looked up
I saw your shadow slink away
I sat with scraped knees and
Contused love.

I tried drafting a poem about the dyed daffodils perched against my window and I was even going to make a half-hearted slant rhyme for "daffodils" with "windowsills" but my slanted heart gave way because suddenly the flowers appeared so artificially tacky, so stupidly hopeful with birthday glitter dusted onto their unnaturally painted petals as they tried their best to soak up some sunshine though outside it was an ever so naturally unnatural temperamental March day coating the green grass with snow flurries though the weathermen expect nothing short of seventy tomorrow so the cold coat seems jarringly out of place like a good intention gone horribly wrong and I couldn't help but think, and think, and think

We never fit, did we?

I let the bananas rot on purpose because I knew that would bother you
But unlike every other time you aren’t here to store them properly
Or hurriedly down them before slightly bruised turns totally expired
And I’ll confess a pathetic truth –

Since you’ve left I’ve been so lonely
I look to the company of fruit flies
But the bright yellow has blackened
And there are still no signs
Of even the most minuscule life.

So I’m left wondering if anyone’s ever sued another
For stealing everything alive…
My heart,
My soul,
My ******* fruit flies.

Champagne soaked apple pie
And socks tossed aside
I sank into the over-cushioned sofa
Watching the Day come to a calm end
Knowing the Night missed your excitement.

She used to do spectacular things quietly
But there’s no more spectacle hidden up her sleeve –
Says she’s worn
Says she’s over-worked
Says she’ll fade away like a passive shade of gray –

Can’t remember the last time she felt

Worthy
Or
Beautiful
Or
Held

Says her heart is a broken grandfather clock
She simply can’t fix to chime at noon –
Says maybe she’ll be setting her own pace
With a refurbished cuckoo tune that sounds a lot like
Letting love waterfall in –

Her laugh is hollow
Her goal too lofty
Her eyes imprinted with skepticism
But for her sake, I pray Time is in her favor.

Though you’re as amorphous as the smoke I puff out, you’re much more toxic and I can’t seem to exhale you out of my system as easily.

Your name gets caught in my throat.

Everytime.

The house shifts and sighs trying to settle into place
But it’s impossible to get comfortable
With all those stomps and smashes beating from inside
Like a cracked heart pounding against a proud chest
Trying to forgive and forget but instead fettered to emotion
Unsurprisingly the house only knows how to creak.

We’re no fortune tellers
No time travelers —
God isn’t whispering His
Distant plans into our ears.

We’re just hopefuls
Speculating our futures
On 11:11 wishes
& fallen eyelash kisses.

Next time you see a shooting star
Harness its magic
Soak in that you’re made of star-stuff
And don’t you dare close your eyes
To breathe out another fruitless prayer.

Every morning before school
My grandma would cup exactly
Five almonds into my palm
And with her signature smile
She’d beam proud wrinkles
And she’d steadily say:
That’s heart and brain food
That’s what you need to eat
To get ahead in this man’s world
That’s nature’s secret medicine.

And six years later
I’ve kept up the almond habit
Turning it into a thing of tradition
Toasting her words because
She taught me the most important marriage
Is between my passion and knowledge.

Ephemeral dreamers,
Are artists with bold visions,
Challenging what’s real.

We walk together
But you always leave my side
When the darkness hits.

Over cheesecake and wine
You confessed how you felt like ****
Giving off the illusion of gold
You opened up like a fragile eggshell
Not realizing your cracks were unique
That your two halves could make a whole
That the process is delicate but doable.

I write your echoes
In chalk and not in etchings
A shield for my heart.

Tea is so soothing
Like a mother in a cup
Whose simple touch heals.

We made a fruit tree
Stringing store bought bananas
On sycamore branches
Sick of more dead winter
For even the freshest snow
Coated Creation’s color
But the brilliant yellow
Brought us back home
To our sunshine memories.

Raindrops do not drown
When they hit the rough ocean -  
They add to madness.

If dust is mostly a collection
Of my own skin cells,
I hope there is enough debris
So I can sculpt a new self,
Out of a past me.

Fingertips kissing
Out of tune piano keys
Music is music.

Candelabra rusted over --
Steady rolling winds --
Emotionally burned out.

I destroyed us
To salvage me.

Before accusations fling
About that being a selfish thing…
I had to get out with a shred of sanity.

         Remember when storm struck
         The sturdiest of ships
         Refuse to anchor lifeboats.

Let’s let it go
Let’s let us breathe.

        It’s time to d r i f  t   a   p    a    r    t .   .  .  .

My desk is splintering –
     Each time I go to pen a poem
     I end up with pinpricks and in pain
     Wooden needles dwindling my thoughts into half nothings.

But wearied words keep bubbling in my brain –
     Like fermenting fine wine
     Dazing my work with stray sounds
     Their dull fiery fury only serves to slur my speech.

The page is inked with nonsensical rambles –
     An unedited outlook of my inner mind    
     A canvas confettied with crap
     Everything was purer as a blank slate.

I held you tightly —
The pressure cracked your ribcage
I loved you too much.

Like autumn rains
You surprised me
And I got caught in
Your gusts of color —

So I outstretched my arms
Embraced the cataclysmic chaos
Jumped into piling leaves
Adding my own imprint
To the rusting gold collage.

Somedays
All I can do is
nod my head
mechanically.

Other days
I can’t muster
the strength
To just maintain
That simple motion
Because one more
methodical nod might
Snap my skull
From my spine
And I dream of
At least dying happy.

I wrote a sonnet to the Sun
But it went up in flames.

I etched the ashes on your heart
But your cool blood froze over the remains.

Disintegrated words
Disgruntled author
Disjointed worlds.

Hair tossed up
Tongue stuck out
Fingers curled and
Foot tappin’

It’s poetry time.

Pirated movies,
Kicking soda cans off curbs,
I’m a lame rebel.

Reincarnation teaches
Empathy for all past beings.

Don’t apologize,
I was you once
I understand the distance you travel —
To you, sacrifice comes natural
To you, break downs are routine
To you, hope is expressed through help.

You encompass an almighty humanity.

You’re like quicksand —

The more I struggle to move away
The faster you drag me in.

To gain your support
I’ll have to learn to relax.

there's nothing poetic about it.

(but i'm sure i'll try anyway)

They say that when it rains it pours
But at this rate I’d like to request God
To send down a divine dove to Noah
Asking him to rebuild an Ark
But maybe this time leave behind the bees
Because I’ve been stung too many times
And haven’t tasted the slightest drop of honey.

Internally icicled
I’d knit myself together
But the frost froze my fingers
So there unravels my fraying heart.

The sincerest words
Laced in darling decadence  
Could not even dream to do justice when it comes to
Penning down your laughter and painting in my blushes.

Since I met you, I’m afraid I’ve forgotten how to write.

My heart is on pins and needles
But I can’t seem to shake away
That certain sleepy shivery state —

It’s stuck ruminating on you.

Like my old sweater,
You cloaked me in words but let
My emotions pill.

He knew exactly what to tell her
To kiss her fears away
But I’d like to remind her that
No matter how poetic or well-spoken
Words are feeble and hollow
Until action takes place.

"I won’t let you go—"
I cut you off with a kiss,
I like my options.

You said “Marry me.”
By making it a statement,
You left me no choice.