change from always saying no
to yourself
creative confidence
threat
and inspiration
feel the freedom to fail
and the independence
of saying yes

Dark purple bruises
They cover my arms
Bright red scratches
Leave my legs shaking
I cannot do anything
So helpless, so alone
I can never be right
Every step another mistake
No one can find out
That will make it worse
So what do you do
When the ones who gave you life
Are the ones taking it away
All I can do is lay here
Silently screaming for salvation

You been riding round, driving in your car
And you been looking for answers in the stars
Cuz you been searching for something, anything to believe in.

You been runnin' round out chasing rainbows
And you hide around corners tryin' to scare the ghosts
Jumping at the shadows of your past for all the wrong reasons.

Cuz you believed in her, but then believed in leavin'.

Hey there, star boy
You've gone too far boy
Get back to your car, boy
Get to where you belong

You can tell her you're wrong, boy
You can write her more songs, boy
But she's too far gone, boy
Cuz now she's walkin' on the sun

You can lay around all day in bed
And you can try to find happiness in someone else's head
But you'll never forget the first time you held her hand.

You can go out and try to have some fun
And you can run a race that's already been won
You can look again for true love if you want
But you won't find her, cuz she's walkin on the sun

Hey there, star boy
You've gone too far boy
Get back to your car, boy
Get to where you belong

You can tell her you're wrong, boy
You can write her more songs, boy
But she's too far gone, boy
Cuz now she's walkin' on the sun

I always knew I was made of stone,
hardened and scarred by the weather
But with the very weather that tarnished the surface,
The slow erosion is made visible with patience.
These rainstorms eroded and shaped me,
Stripped me down bare and brought an evolution.
Somewhere between the thunder and lightning of the mattress
And the downpour of our hands intertwined
And the gale-force winds of the miles between us,
I cracked.

who knew?
I wasn't really empty,
until you suddenly took everything.
guilt is sifted in my gut
because I broke my promises
when you broke my trust
its daunting to **** blocked memories
with a calloused finger
muscle memory of a burn
to buried to pull back
they say you don't know what you have
'till it's gone
trampled security
pretenses of trust
crushed
with no sincerity to lean on

i feel silly.
when my heart skips and flips and i feel like
there is not enough blood that could
drip drip drip into my veins
and give back the breath that you take from me.

i feel strange.
when i can not stop re-reading our texts
and i'm vexed and perplexed because i'm not
next to you. i don't know what to do.
my cell phone is stuck to me like glue.

i feel weird.
when i have not known you long
but i believe that we belong
and i hope you don't think that's wrong or creepy
or too early because ****,
my feelings are strong and i just want to see you soon.

men see me
little more than a face
legs
****
*******

to you
i am only a hole for you
to stick your **** into.

i am so much more than that.

i have eyes and fingertips
ankles and feet to hold me up as you kick me down.

i was 12 and naive
when i was *****

i was 17 and in love
when i was *****.

i was 19 and moving too fast.
when i was *****.


did you know that you ***** me?
did it ever cross your tiny ball of grey matter that i meant no when i said it?
that the look on my face was not pleasure
but pleading
for you to stop?

no, it may not have hurt my beautiful little cuntgirl
but it hurt the girl inside my heart

and she hates you

she never wants to see you again.

did you know that you ***** me once?

i was 12
on a tattered couch
reeking of cigarettespotandcatpiss.

and he pushed my head further down
until i gagged
and i gagged

over and over
did you know that you ***** me?


whatever reason.
whatever reason you gave me
will never
could never
heal this anger
and disgust.


i was 17
when he assumed
that i wanted his **** inside me.
and he granted me the favor
over and over
and i loved him too much to say no
but i cried
when it was over.
and i left him in his sad armchair
with his pants around his knees
and my heart on my sleeve

but no more.


i was 19
and i was no longer stupid
i knew that two weeks was too fast
i knew that if he asked, i would say no

i told myself, if he asks, i will say no.
i will tell him no if he asks.
i knew that if he asked, i would say no.

he never asked.

he penetrated
and shoved against me like bulldozers

and left me feeling so cold
with my head on his chest


but you were not the first
and you will probably not be the last
man
to see ME as a hole

for your ****


did you know that you ***** me?

you did.