astronaut

astronaut Apr 2015

Words

I needed a piece of paper and a pen to write this down.

I needed to smell, and touch the words as they pour out of my soul through my numb thin long fingers.
I needed to see my thoughts, no, my emotions, transform into ink and sit there on paper still.
I can imagine the scripture, the outcome, with a shaky handwriting and words so stressed and stressful that the ink is visible on the other paper side.
Yet, what’s written is unreadable.
I can’t see my own words.

I close my eyes hard and my hands harder. My small palms form two fists in which my numb thin long fingers snuggle into one another and only then their numbness seizes to dissolve.
My frustration is eating my numbness alive, and I do not know which side to take.

The paper starts turning blue.
A teardrop mates with the deep blue ink and they make an ocean out of the small piece of paper, or perhaps, a night sky.
One of my thin long fingers, that are no longer numb, escapes the group hug and feels my left wet cheek.

I open my eyes. There is no ocean. There is no night sky. There is no paper. But I can see my own words.

How fascinating what can happen in one blink

astronaut Apr 2015

Head Explosion

It’s 3:30 Am and it’s rush hour in my head.

1- I’m constantly being swallowed into my own existence like an ever-looping wormhole.

2- I am trying to expand, to encounter all energy and matter with space, grace, and sincerity.. And so I am constantly bursting, going through massive explosions and extreme intensity

.3- I am trying to radiate warmth, peace, beauty, light, and love.

4- I am trying to become one with myself, and with the Uni-verse.

5- The last four sentences started with the word “I”.. HOW SELF CENTERED CAN A PERSON BE!

6- The last three “I"s were followed by "am trying”.. cut yourself some slack, Nesma.

7- Nesma means breeze in Arabic, and someone once said “surround yourself with breezy souls in hot summers”.

8- Nesma starts with Noon, and Noon stands for infinity in my subconsciousness.

9- The uni-verse is infinite. It’s vast and supreme. It must be blue, blue is the warmest color.

10- My favorite Harry Potter character is Luna Lovegood. I have deeply fallen in love with Luna Lovegood… luna love good..

11- Luna is the same Latin root for the two words “the moon”, and “craziness”. The moon has always been associated with insanity, and for that, perhaps, it’s also associated with love.

12- God I LOVE the uni-verse.

13- “I did not fall in love with you, I fell in you with love”

What am I even doing

astronaut Apr 2015

Aries

The constellation that speaks my name is the opening line of the zodiac.
I am an Egyptian golden ram, and in ancient Egypt, Aries was the indicator of the reborn sun; I’m a never-ending fresh beginning of a mass of fire.
I am a self destructive flame, constantly setting myself on fire, and you caught on it.
So forgive me, and then admit the truth that we both know; Flames are the ultimate spring of warmth and light

I was born at 11 am, on a Monday, on the third, of April, 1995. 12345

astronaut Apr 2015

I'm a diva

My birth is an act that occupied space within a certain frame of time.
My birth is a continuum.

I'm a star

astronaut Apr 2015

A spoken word written

My glass is no longer half full half empty.
My glass is broken.

Yet I hold it with both my hands. Wounded, I bleed to take one last sip of you.
And you slip between my fingers, mixed with my blood, intertwining with the wrinkles time carved on my skin like ancient rivers, drawing flowers and frowns.
I stare.. For the very first time I’m seeing myself. I am a work of art.
And the room thinks I’ve gone mad. But I’m only growing sanity like tangerine trees.

My glass IS broken
But I’m already drunken of the truth
So awake, so aware, so-ber
Sharp, like the shatters of us scattered on the floor
And they are unraveling before my third eye.
They’re not beautiful, but they’re sincere
Serene and tranquil
But not stale and not still.

My glass is broken
and its cracks, the pattern of the universe,
are holy, shimmering, dark, and pure.
These cracks, are my glass’s core.

Chug chug chug

astronaut Apr 2015

Darkness

People say …. beauty will always find its way
like a plant …. cracking out of concrete land

As if concrete with all its shades of black
is nothing but ugliness holding beauty back.

Well ******* all!!

Do you know how dark sun’s core is?
Dense, and burning, hell on fire.

This is not poetry, these are facts..

The ultimate beauty symbol, the moon, is nothing but rocks and dirt.
The only organic way to nurture an infertile land into fruitfulness is through ****.

So next time you are blessed enough to be in a dim hollow place
Remember the astronauts that died for a chance to explore outer space

Outer space is a dim hollow place.

— The End —