Tuwing nalalapit na ang pasko, darating si itay mula sa kanyang opisina na may dalang kahon. Ang kahon ay naglalaman ng hamon. Ang hamon na mutlong taun-taon na lang sumusulpot. Ito yung hamon na hindi na pinapansin ng karamihan kasi lagi na lang andyan. Pabulong na sasabihin nila, "Ay sus. Pwedeng iba naman?" pero dahil nga sa nakasanayan na, ang hamon ay mananatiling nariyan kahit nilalampasan.

Lilipas ang selebrasyon at mag-uuwian ang mga bisita. Mananatili ang hamon na wala man lang gumalaw. Naubos ang macaroni salad, graham, kahit ang kaldereta ngunit ang hamon ay nanatiling tahimik, mistulang kawawang bida sa isang maaksyong pelikula.

Taun-taon, sasabihin ni inay na bakit hindi na lang ipamigay? At taun-taon akong hihindi at sasabihing sayang.

Hindi ko naman paborito ang hamon. Sadyang ayoko lang sayangin ang lahat ng nakahain. Kaya't kahit paulit-ulit, kahit nakakasawa, kahit minsan gusto ko na lang ipamigay, pilit ko pa ring kakainin ang bawat hamon na nakahain. Pilit ko pa ring lalasapin ang cholesterol, magpapataba, magpapakatanga, magsasawa hanggat sa maubos.

as the catastrophic downpour rose its white flag,
the sun timidly peeks at the dawn of new beauty
the accrued water slowly and peacefully drifts
found myself baffled with your everlasting constancy

your infectious beam befriends my streams
manufactured absorbent of after-desolation worries
your enchanting chuckles as if nothing ever happened
but the water’s nature is to bid farewell and evaporate

it creeps out of my core that i have emptied myself of something that has been considered a self- pillar for years. that i wholeheartedly accepted to fuel my engine with anesthetizing void and made it difficult for the engine to pump with ease and beauty. since the day i strode out of your arms and asked you to safely explore, if you think i have stopped loving you by then, take a swig because i never did.

yet i do not adore you for the way you are right now. my heart is just helplessly trapped in this tale crafted by our long-forgotten personas eons ago. the very souls we cannot have back because we have already traveled immeasurably far. separately.

i keep on retracing the orbits constructed but the stars will soon, just as always, steer me back to that consciousness that a one-time collision just lasted like a flicker. nevertheless, the flicker caused a gigantic crack. now, i’m all left with two separate voids, slowly linking each other perfectly, engulfing my wee core with nothing but desolation.

to be honest, you're the only one who makes my day brighter then suddenly i just decided to switch your lights off

"bakit 'di mo pa binuhos ang lahat?" nagtatakang tanong sa akin ni inay. inutusan niya akong diligan ang alaga niyang santan sa bakuran. "nagtira ka pa. 'di naman na kailangan," at sabay niyang kinuha ang balde na naglalaman ng tubig na galing sa kanyang pinaglabhan. walang pagdadalawang-isip at bigla na lang niya itong itinapon sa sementadong daanan papunta sa aming bakuran.

sa malayang pagdaloy ng tubig, napaisip ako kung bakit ganoon na lang itapon ni inay ang tubig. pwede pa namang ipandilig iyon sa ibang halaman na nasa tabi-tabi. pero bakit hindi ko man lang din yun naisip na gawin? para nga naman hindi nasayang ang tubig. para may iba pang halaman na pwedeng makinabang at hindi ang walang buhay na sementadong daanan.

oo nga naman, ang tubig na galing sa labada ni inay ay marumi na. umitim at dumumi dahil sa pinaghalo-halong sabon at mantsa ng mga naiwang alaala sa damit. kung nakakapagsalita nga lang din naman ang halaman, hindi niya gugustuhin ang maruming tubig na galing sa labada ni inay.

pero hinuha lang naman ang lahat. paano kung ang mga halaman sa tabi-tabi, ay parang katulad lang din ng patubong santan na alaga ni inay...

nangangailangan
at sadyang nauuhaw.

asteroids were beautifully created to ebb to the misconceived vastness of the galaxy yet they are still known to be perilous. to lessen damages and fatalities, scientists eagerly observe when an asteroid is going towards our vicinity.

and you, i never expected that you’d be an asteroid to my life. you may be a planetesimal, but i’ve always revolved around your presence like you’re the center of my whole life. you approached me, and i accepted you, never knowing that you’d rescind my existence for a while. thanks for leaving me like i’m just an insignificant piece of wreckage, i needed to know your encapsulating spectra, anyway.

*you destroyed me, yes. but you destroyed me gorgeously.

let me make your soul glow like it used to. let my own honesty be the light that passes through the glass windows of your emotions. let the shards of truth illuminate the doubts that you’ve been lugging for years. let me beam you up as i utter the unspoken words you’ve been dying to hear. let ourselves be like electric and magnetic field approaching together, producing our light of righteousness.

however, your disposition maybe different like an opaque object that won’t let my intentions to pass through at all. prolly like a translucent material that would pretend to listen to my confrontations and leave them misunderstood afterwards, or perhaps, as what i would like you to be, a transparent item that would wholly accept every flaw, every belief i have. you are so inconsistent that your persona may selectively absorb, reflect or scatter my light. i am aware that i will never know how you would respond on certain frequencies, but just be faithful, believe in my words, believe in me.