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Jun 2015 · 734
those damn elephants
it's kinda like
walking down the
sidewalk with
you
and having you
decide to
shove
me
out into a
busy street
and telling me to
think
fast.
those **** elephants.
Jun 2014 · 1.4k
love drunk
I always stumble out your door
hungover.
every time you look at me
I take a sip.
every time you smile
I down a shot.
you laugh
and another bottle is gone.
you lean your head on my shoulder
and everything is blurry.
you hug me
and I'm unconscious.
then when it's that time,
you wake me up
and say goodbye
and push me out into the
glaring sunlight
without even a drink
of water.
Jun 2014 · 569
those blue eyes
as I lay here
staring up at the
blue sky
I realize she should be
quite proud
for she has
leaked
that crystalline pigment
right into your
irises
Jun 2014 · 424
stop asking if I'm okay.
you of all people know
that when the sun rises
the words aren't nearly
as liquid as before.
Dec 2013 · 1.0k
not your responsibility
you see through me
as if I were made of
glass.
I do suppose I am,
for I keep
shattering.
though I do wish
you would stop trying
to piece me back
together.
I don't need any more
fingerprints
weighing down my
heavy heart.
you see, I'm trying to
rid myself of those
pieces that don't
fit.
so please leave me
with my missing parts.
it's not your responsibility
to slice yourself
while attempting to spare
my blood.
Dec 2013 · 1.2k
blame
I sat beside you today.
I found it ironic
how we were both dressed
in our Sunday best.
when you looked my way,
I knew you didn't
want me there.
you blamed me.
although you promised
it was never me.
I am aware that the fault
is no longer mine.
it supposedly never was.
I've always been innocent,
according to you.
but when those tragic
blue eyes
met mine...
the world's blame was suddenly
heavy on my shoulders
and i didn't try
to stop it from
crushing
me.
Dec 2013 · 687
dead flowers
once you abandoned
the passenger seat
of my car
for the rainy
street,
I knew our
renewed life
would only last
as long as
those flowers.
now there's
red and yellow
petals
resting on my
windowsill.
and ****..
I wish you
would've stayed
with me
longer
that day.
Oct 2013 · 762
lovely to see you again
in a daydream
i imagine a dramatic
romanticized reuniting.
a story book embrace
with obnoxious smiles
and joyful greetings.
but under expected circumstances
i know it will
be nothing more
than eyes meeting
with a knowing smile
and a quiet
"hello,
it's so lovely to see
you again."
Oct 2013 · 459
the partial embrace
you embraced my right side
your body flush against mine
shoulders down to ankles.
    your arm clutched my shoulders
    mine grasped your waist.
while my right remained
warm, loved, safe, whole
my left side was abandoned
icy, brittle, empty, broken.
    now your presence has been gone
    for a significant amount of time.
my right is perfectly fine.
my left is still aching for you.
Sep 2013 · 1.8k
some sort of beautiful
there were five men
who had a permanent residence
within her bulging heart.
Jay Gatsby, the tragically hopeful
Peter Pan, the child who never grew up
a fellow from Montana
a five-year-old angel
and a blond-hair blue-eyed boy.
none of them solely loved
her.
none of them stayed with her
either.
yet she constantly ached for their
presence
and she always fiercely loved
each.
until the boy tore her heart into
pieces
and the only thing she could love
were her attempts to make her pain some sort of
beautiful.
Sep 2013 · 1.1k
happy ending?
i close my eyes
as the song comes on
the one about the boy
trying to skip rocks
on the ocean
and i can see myself
years from now
taking a little hand
warmly in mine
and leading them down
that old, worn out dock
to our old spot
between 10th
and the shore.
i'd show those little eyes
the very spot
i fell in love with
you
that unseasonably warm
November day.
i'll show them
the date carved
in stone.
our proof for the ages
that no matter
what happened to us
we really did
happen.
i'll tell those little ears
about the magical
once in a lifetime
sunset
that took my breath away
and took us to  a
whole other world
a whole lot better than
this one.
i'll tell them
our story.
the long complicated tale
about best friends,
a lovely blonde haired
blue-eyed boy,
and my insignificant self.
i'll mention how
we saved one another
from ourselves
and how we fell
in love
during late night talks
but never admitted it.
i'll tell them the story
of us.
i just really hope
i get to give a
happy
ending.
Sep 2013 · 572
i will find you
just because
i so easily
see and feel
you
in the presence of
glorious, soaring
eagles
tiny, delicate
hummingbirds
and watchful, rugged
red-tailed hawks
does not mean
that i can't
find you
in the
wingspan
of a graceful
snowy owl
or in the
shadow
of a
scavenging
turkey vulture.
if you
want
to be found
i
will
find
you.
Sep 2013 · 3.2k
only one of you
i am so
distinctly
aware
that there is
only
one
of
you
on this fine
planet.
and because of that
acute
awareness
it's terribly
difficult
for me to
live
with the fact
that even though
i can't
live
without
you,
i can never have
you
and i will never
be able to
find
another quite like
you.
Sep 2013 · 733
do i even dare
love.
what a strong
powerful
meaningful
word.
one that should
not
be used
or taken
lightly.
you yourself
said you
rarely
speak it because
it is used too
often.
so now
in the course of
three  little weeks
you've told me
four
times
that you
L.O.V.E.
love
me.
do i even
dare
to believe you?
do i even
dare
to question you?
do i even
dare
to say it as truth
in return?
Sep 2013 · 551
hands
hands.
illuminated by the
golden morning light.
these hands
have met many
very important
hands in this
short week.
hands that will
never
remember the
clasp
the firm shake
or the simultaneous
release.
they won't recall
the insignificance
of these tiny
young
hands.
but if anything,
these hands left
fingerprints
on a world
much bigger
than
their
own.
Sep 2013 · 496
stars
you plague my
thoughts
as the stars
do the
sky.
no matter where
you look
stars, stars, stars
there's absolutely no
escaping
it.
some days
i wonder why
i
ever
wanted
to.
Sep 2013 · 930
beautiful world
i watch her
watch you
walk away.
even with the
shock
making her eyes water
i know
she doesn't see
the beautiful world
she just lost.
she only can't
believe
you would
really
leave.
"stop trying to make the words
sound pretty
and just say it."
"i'm not-"
"yes
you are."
you
were correct.
i was
looking for
the most
beautiful
words
to say
such an
ugly
thing.
and now that i
reflect on that
i am
proud
of my attempts
to decorate
the words.
it takes great
skill
to do such
tasks
and you
should
not
rush
the
beautifying
of
such
unattractive
things.
Sep 2013 · 542
smile worthy
i know you
love the rain
each time a cloud
releases a drop
to fall upon us
i think of you.
you yourself
made me love
the rain
more than i did
before
but when you're not here
experiencing it as well
it just isn't as happy
it just isn't as smile worthy.
Sep 2013 · 614
for jesse
my lips just won't work into a smile today
because no one wants it to happen that way
i didn't know him, but i know those he left behind
and i know all they want is to just rewind
but all they have a chance to do is ask why
and just sit, and think, and let their hearts cry
that's what hurts me more that anything
having to stand by and watch their grieving
only able to give a maybe needed distraction
but unable to do what's really needed, answer a question
i guess i always knew that twenty three was unlucky
but i never thought it'd bring this. we'll miss you, Jesse.
**JLR
Sep 2013 · 5.6k
wake up.
wake up. i need to see your eyes
lift your head. it's not time for you to die
don't leave me. i can't live without you
wake up. i need to see that beautiful blue
Sep 2013 · 487
for luke
the first day of the fourth month of every year
the day that everyone looks for a way to sneer
the day that's filled with tricks, fools and games
while in my head is no joke, only a simple name
the name of the baby boy born on that April Fool's Day.

the first day of the eleventh month of every year
the day that seems to bring only me fear
the day when the wind blows leaves with which children play
while i visit the boy who was too soon taken to his grave
the April baby taken on that cold November day.
Sep 2013 · 509
have mercy
what the hell
happened to
everything?
i locked myself
in this
beautiful
crystal clear
glass box
that was
you.
and i was living
happily.
we were living
happily.
i didn't take
what i didn't need
from you.
and you didn't take
what you didn't need
from me.
we
were in this
equilibrium.
life was good.
easy.
happy.
safe.
but now,
the box is filling
with smoke.
you are
SUFFOCATING
ME.
and i can't
get out.
i'm pounding
on the glass.
it won't crack.
i can't breathe.
you're watching me
DROWN.
with that disgusted
disappointed face.
i'm begging you
if you release me
i'll go.
i'll disappear.
i don't want to
but if you don't want
me.
then have mercy.
i'll walk away.
just please please please
help me breathe
or shatter the glass
before you're left
with another
broken
heart.
Sep 2013 · 540
rare occasions
those painful days
when your eyes
don't
meet mine
are the days
when i
can look at
you
and savor your
blonde-hair
blue-eye
beauty
to prepare for
when those
painful days
are no longer
a
rare
occasion.
Sep 2013 · 773
you shut me out
i wish i knew why
why, why, why
you shut me out
when the sun rises
and the shadows
of the night
melt away in
the morning light.
Sep 2013 · 663
bittersweet pain
why do i
hurt
seeing that smile
on your face
the happiness
in your eyes
and the laughter
in your voice?
it's the most
bittersweet
pain.
all because of
my awareness
that your mesmerizing
display of joy
has been occurring
so much more often
now that i've
unwillingly
faded
away.
Sep 2013 · 474
falling asleep alone
i can tell you
one thing.
i do not enjoy
falling asleep
alone
with no one there
to acknowledge my
unconsciousness
and to wish me
well
on my journey
into the land
of dreams
Sep 2013 · 417
i wonder
i always wonder
whether or not
in the depths of
night,
you lie awake
with your
childhood quilts
wrapped around your
fragile frame
clutching your
stuffed animal
thinking about all
those nights spent
with my voice
on the line,
carrying you off
into the safety
of your most
beautiful
dreams.
Sep 2013 · 728
the moment of impact
here i am.
i had been there
but now i've stepped back
and am observing the scene
as an innocent bystander
with no connection to either
of the persons standing before me
wrapped in each other's embrace.
through my detached gaze
i notice the moment of impact
the instant the world stilled.
her heart stopped fluttering
and her breathing calmed
her mind was quiet
and her soul was at rest.
and in that blink of an eye,
the second that ended much too quickly,
she was safe,
she was home,
and she was loved.
Sep 2013 · 334
october first
"i'm sorry...
... i didn't know who else to call...
... don't leave..."
i heard him whisper
choking back the tears
while i laid there
.paralyzed.
unable to form the words he needed
unable to breathe.
i heard a stuttering breath
sharply in
raggedly out
"...please..."
i finally spoke my words
my ears listened to his.
but only heard the
.crushing.sadness.
the only side of him
that i never knew
spilled out before me
like blood from a victim of a nightmare
now i'm stained
forever by his tears
and the sound
i'll never be able to rid
from my ears.
Sep 2013 · 555
i don't know what i'm doing
i tell them i know just what i'm doing
i've got the situation under control
i won't fall
or well...
fall too hard.
now here i am
confessing my love to you
thinking it's going to save you
that i'm going to save you
but no.
you leave me all alone
crying in my bed
telling me how you're so broken
that she broke your heart
and expecting me to
somehow become a hero
and put a smile on your face
while i lay here pretending
you're not under my skin
breaking my heart
crushing me.
but, yea, you've got me
wrapped around your beautiful little finger.
i'll always be right here
your best friend
your hero
who means everything and nothing to you
and i'll keep loving you
as i've always done
telling them all i know just what i'm doing
i've got the situation under control
i won't fall
or well...
fall too hard.
Sep 2013 · 358
a million dollars
there are no numbers
to accurately describe
the infinite amount of times
that i have dreamed
about feeling like
a million dollars
if, only if,
i was ever allowed
to walk down the street
holding your hand
once again.
Sep 2013 · 893
just a penny
it's simply a penny
a 1996 penny
with Lincoln's face
etched into it.
just a penny
worth one cent
like all the rest.
but that little penny
that little
insignificant
copper
penny,
is the luckiest
coin on
EARTH.
Sep 2013 · 1.6k
friday night
he was out in the rain
on the field
under the lights.
i was in the stands
watching with tears in
my eyes
and a smile
on my face
because i just knew
after he had caught the ball,
hit the ground,
ran back to the sidelines,
and highfived his teammates,
he smiled
and thought about
me.
Sep 2013 · 1.3k
i'm broken
wanna know something?
they all think i'm okay.
a smile and a nod is all
the convincing they need.
they can't see
that i'm broken
and that it's all falling apart
and i don't even have
the strength or care anymore
to catch everything
before it breaks
all because
no one
tried to catch me
before i hit
the ground
and
shattered
Sep 2013 · 390
why do i cling to you so?
i keep asking myself the same question
why do i cling to you so?
my grip on you
is so deathly tight
my knuckles have long become
ghostly white.
but still,
you're slipping right through
my clenched fists
as if you were
simply
water.
either i
have to let you go
or you
need to hang on
because you're getting
too heavy to hold,
taking my breath away
and making my heart skip beats.
i just wish i knew
why do i cling to you so?
Aug 2013 · 911
such a contradiction
no wonder i love you so much.
you are such a contradiction to yourself.
how could i stay away?
so much drama for a
blonde-hair
blue-eye
beautiful
boy.
you truly are everything, in the literal sense.
good, bad, happy, sad.
no wonder i hate you so much.
you are such a contradiction to yourself.
how couldn't i walk away?
Aug 2013 · 372
my best years
i know they'll say
i wasted
the best years
of my
life
chasing after
loving unconditionally
wishing for
hoping for
living for
you.
one day i'll probably
agree
with them.
but i know that
at this very moment
i can't imagine
any better way
to
waste
my best years.

— The End —