falling
             back
                        into a
                                    trap
like its a warm embrace
     because I've taught myself
that that's how you love
   and that it's all I deserve
         but maybe you'll change
and maybe you won't
     if you turned a gun on me
I'd offer to pull the trigger

what if
happiness was permanent?

if your heart
never sank to the depths
of your stomach.

if a never ending hole
that seemed to go on forever
never grew inside of you.

if you never wished
that this part of your life
could just fast forward and fade
away into nothingness.

if you never cried out
to nothing and no one
in general.

if a feeling of
vast emptiness never
consumed your entire being.

i’ve forgotten the feeling
of contentment
and i would not wish
this darkness
upon my worst
enemies.

                               a.k.