My mind takes me back again,
To the glorious days when I couldn’t refrain,
My heart to freefall,
Waiting for your call,
When evenings, particularly seven to ten,
Was so exhaustingly spent,
Laughing, hiding, and cracking jokes having no head or tail,
Oh, why did time sail?
You and me, we were inseparable,
The moments, cherished, so memorable.
But do you remember them now?
For much time has passed,
Since you saw my last smile, and etched a frown,
For now, it has turned upside down.
Chocolate ***** and pastries,
Oh remember the time under the trees?
Mindless chatter, my mum used to say,
Meant the world as we both lay,
Side by side under the starry night,
Planning how our dreams are going to take flight.
And we will be off, together,
We had planned,
Leaving not a corner of the world undiscovered,
Ocean or land.
A big house by the beach, you did say,
We’d sit out together, night or day.
All the planning went to waste?
I think not, for I still hope,
That even if it was ruined in our haste,
A day will come when we will elope!
What a joke that used to be,
The honest intentions behind it, you didn’t see.
Now, the night is long, and it keeps getting longer,
For without you, I’m anything but stronger,
Tears overflow and laughter lost,
Don’t you see what you cost?
Come back, I whisper in my dreams,
You will never know what you mean,
I’m drowning, I scream for you,
The silence, your absence,
Oh, the ghosts of you are not few.
Your heartbreaking smiles,
Your soul touching gaze,
I can’t help but ask, where they all lies?
They all say, it’s just a phase.
What do they know?
When time makes it anything but better,
They judge the scars I show,
Can I help but shutter?
As many times as I close my eyes,
Do I think of you a day,
Forever? They were all lies.
Time flew didn’t it? When we were together I mean,
It stopped the day you left, and you were again, never to be seen,
Oh I remember that day,
Like it was yesterday,
Two years to be precise,
When you were not so nice.
An entire day in bed,
Hollow was my heart, blank was my head.
But life went on right?
The broken smile plastered on my face, I live,
Only to take it off at night,
Yes, you have made me negative.
I am tired of this constant pain,
Am i anymore sane?
And with nothing less than quenched fists,
I declare, you are greatly missed.

The sound of your voice,
Your fragile touch,
Your lingering sent,
They never leave my mind.

Mindless, unrelated jokes,
Careless mix up of words,
Horrible nicknames,
Yes, I need those.

Untimely bursts of laughter,
Sudden “I love you”s
Tight bear hugs,
Yes, I need those.

Late night talks,
No topic of conversation,
Long messages having no point,
Yes, I need those too.

Your insecurities,
Your worries and you’re sorry-s  
Someone to set me at ease,
Yes, how can I live without these?

Someone to hold my soul together,
Look into my heart,
And read my mind,
How can I forget that?

Someone to keep my feet on the ground,
Wipe my tears,
And bring me around,
Yes, I need someone.

Someone to give me memories,
Moments cherished,
Forever and always, right?
Yes, I need them.

Someone to sing me to sleep,
One who’ll stand by me,
Understand me without words spoken,
Oh, I need those too.

Someone to care, someone to miss,
Someone who will show me bliss,
Always open is his door,
Yes, I need those.

Time, I need time,
Time to open up,
My own time to be understood.
Yes, I need time.

Trust me,
For my source of strength is you.
Your arms are my sweet escape.
Yes, I need that vacation.

Yes I need your smile, your funny faces,
Your remembrance, your acceptance,
Your flaws and your giggles,
Yes, and above all, I need your existence.

Laughter behind the tears,
Tears behind the memories,
And memories are all that's left.
Of heartstrings torn apart,
Of whispered intentions,
Of cherished nightmares,
And words gone unheard.
You have become a wall.
A cold, hard entity,
Its existence only appreciated
Because someone needs it,
It’s being there,
It being a part of that somebody.
One sided conversations,
Endless longing,
And pain,
An overdose of pain.
But the memories are never lost,
Never unwanted,
Cherished, every moment of it,
Lived in rewind,
Over and over again.
Moments which leave you,
Breathless with pain,
Yet laughing at what once,
Happened, oh so long ago.
An emotion which leaves your mind,
In a chaotic disposition,
On what to do, what to feel.
Weren’t you just angry at that?
How is the exact same thing leave you
Smiling, perhaps even laughing,
That too behind drowning eyes,
A heart wrapped in pain,
Held at a death lock,
Draining the life out of you,
Leaving insanity to prevail.
His eyes watch your every move,
Stalk every footfall,
Register every flutter of the eyelashes,
Every smile, every tear.
His touches, burning your skin,
He watches you while you sleep.
He is there, nowhere.
Mind games you cannot defeat,
Troubling your soul,
Making you remember,
Memories old with use,
Played on repeat,
So often that,
The images become your reality,
While reality becomes a denial.
And finally you find yourself,
Slow dancing in a room alone,
Never really being alone.
Long nights spent sitting
At corners of the bed,
Replaying every moment,
Hoping that somehow,
You could reach into the past,
Grab him, take him in your arms,
And pull him into the present with you,
Swearing, never to let go,
Again, that is.
Yes, you hope,
For hope is all the lost ones have,
Hope to find things lost,
Hope to meet,
Hope to talk and not just speak,
For this world is a small place,
And our lives are too long,
Our wishes too meaningful,
Longing too true,
And love, pure.
And what a beautiful mess this is.


Inspired by Jason Marz's song "a beautiful mess" :)

This is not a poem, but its close to my heart, so I thought I'd put this up.

"We're walking these streets like they're paved with gold
Make any old excuses not to go
Neither one of us want to take that taxi home."

She came out of the movie hall with a new soul. A new life, a new beginning. As he held her hands, for the first time, in a long time, she felt safe. Even if what she had, posed the greatest threat to her. Disappointment. All over again. But in that one moment she knew what she wanted.    
She'd never leave that hand. No matter what it took, she'd be there, holding on. She swore she'd never let this go. And with that conclusion, she was born again. With hot tears, she was rejuvenated.
This time, her tears were the reason she smiled.
This time, she got back the heart she had once given away.
This time, she was loved.
Her knees were week, her heart palpitated, butterflies in her stomach. Her mind, not working.
Time stood still. And it felt perfect.
"I'll be back in a moment", he kissed her hand so delicately as if she was so fragile. As if she'd break in an instant. She would have. She was a crystal waiting to be damaged. But there was something in his eyes which told her, he'd be back.
Reluctantly, but gradually she let him go. He took one look and turned and ran away. Her gaze followed him. He felt it. He looked back, winked and carried on.
He came back. Not with a horse carriage, but with a old taxi. it really didn't matter as long as he was in it.
"Come on in"
His presence invited her in. He took her by the shoulders. And she was where she belonged. She closed her eyes for just a moment to take it all in. He took her hands and held on tight. And as the road went on, she found herself wishing it would not lead home. Wishing it could just take them away. She didn't care were that away was. As long as it was away.
She smiled. Holding nothing back, she laughed.
She was no longer the girl with a broken smile.
The taxi driver kept looking back. They were as bad as newlyweds. Shy, yet nothing could possibly keep them apart. And from the corner of her eyes she caught the old taxi driver deliver a smile of acceptance.
With both hesitance and surety, she kept taking risks, going further and further closer to home, together, in each other's arms. Because for the first time in her life, she HAD something to loose. Because the risk was worth it. every moment of it.      
She understood what she had in her hand. It was something familiar. Something warm and cozy. It was love.
A love which wasn't understandable. A love unknown. A strange and sudden development.
Her wall had been broken once again. This time, easier than before.
And it only took a taxi ride home for it to be realized.