Although language does not unite us,
Measurements systems differ,
And we are alienated by borders
Two things break down these walls:
Emotion
And time
No matter your skin color or ethnicity or country
We all rejoice in the happy moments
And mourn in the sad;
We are all affected by the death of someone we love
And are elated when things go according to the plan we created for them;
We all want to be surrounded by people we adore
And have difficulty expressing the minute details of how we feel.
No matter your history, family, or house you live in,
We are all limited by time
And the constant ticking seconds;
We all look forward to certain events
And enjoy those few extra hours of sleep in the morning;
We all can’t help but feel crushed when we realize all the time we have wasted,
And do what we love in any minute we can spare.
Emotion and time:
Two things all humans are born with.
They come in varying degrees,
But a smile still means joy
And tears still mean brokenness.
Although I can’t tell you how I feel in this very moment,
I hope my laughter and bright eyes will do.

A while ago, I told myself that I was done with earthly love.
Not forever, however I thought we just might need a break.
Although it brought me joy,
Brokenness, exhaustion,
And tears ensued more frequently than the happiness I had thought.

My own love of pursuing my dreams did not sadden my heart
Like love often did.
Why would I chase it?
Love is rarely caught and takes far too much work to maintain.
When I am faster and stronger, then I will try it again.

Just a break to discover what lays in my dormant soul,
To decide where my body actually wants to go,
To see it all
All the world has,
To find the most valuable thing the world can offer.

Being alone wasn’t so lonely. I had family.
I had friends.
I had me.
Their touch was enough to satisfy my desire,
My constant need to always be with some form of love.

Then came the summer sun and all it had to give:
The busy beaches, the sunburnt skin, the naught nights,
And him.
This man,
Who would eventually change my thoughts on love.

He seemed normal and I became curious.
“Hi.
So,
What is your name what brings you to this place?”
I wasn’t looking for him, yet he found me.

“I’m sorry, I must be leaving,” I said.
And I ran across the world, the ocean,
Until I could run no more. I was lost.

I found myself in a labyrinth, one constructed of memories and unfamiliarity.
The more and more I searched for answers, the more and more I became lost
Answers that would address my questions were lost in the wood
The once beautiful flowered entrance was forgotten
Until I could only remember the darkened forestry surrounding me
I heard ghostly voices calling out to me, to come home
My family
My friends
I could not leave this labyrinth. It was my home
I came to enjoy being lost and forgotten like the warm summer days
The cool shade’s touch befriended me and I decided that I never wanted to leave
Then I felt a light tap on my shoulder
When I turned around, he was standing there, bright eyed and warm hearted
He nicely asked me if he could help me find a way out
So he took my hand and searched with me, walked along side of me
His voice keeping me company
The light began to stream through the trees once more
And the ground was littered with colorful fruit

He stepped out into the light, a sun flooded field that marked the end of our journey.
He waited, smiling and patiently.
He opened his arms, knowing that I yearned for a gentle touch.
He asked me again, so sweet I could hear the honey dripping from his lips.
So I ran.

I couldn’t bring myself to remove myself completely from the forest.
I backpedalled into the maze again.
I was trying to find a dead end.
I had abandoned goodness and life for darkness and confusion.
I couldn’t shake from my memory the image of
His eyes
His laugh
His touch
And their warmth remained even when my heart did not.

I knew I would find my way out,
I would cross two countries and an ocean to get there.
Perhaps he will still be waiting,
Bright eyed and standing in the open air.
Maybe he knew I would run back in,
And he even whispered, “Take care.”
He showed me what was waiting when I came out.

Love was not what I was searching for,
Yet it is a consequence of
Seeing where my heart rested
Because although it is
Found in many spots
It can always
Be found where
Love flows
Freely.

I was drifting
Which was more peaceful than the evening before
When I fell off a cliff
Never to hit the bottom.
This time it seemed like a river
During high tide
So I could not feel the rocks
Or algae-clothed depth below.
The waning sun warmed my bones
While the moon voyaged across the sky
And the stars gleamed through the leafy canopy.
There was no use opening my eyes
For I knew my surroundings well:
A bed for a boat,
A duvet for the water beneath my body,
And a pillow to row myself home.

Everyone leaves a footprint on you
Whether you like it or not,
As if you were a beach
Filled with many footprints
Of many people, of many strangers;
But the tide incessantly beats ashore
And washes away some footprints,
Regardless how deep,
Whether you like it or not.

I'm not saying it won't be hard.
This is the most difficult thing you will ever do.
I dare you to leave home,
And never look back.
Talk to your family for their benefit,
Only to neglect your own desire to call out to them,
Because that makes it harder.
Forget your friends,
So you may realize how much you don't need them,
And who your real friends truly are.
Suppress old memories,
In order to make room for many more,
To have a real definition of what it means to live.
Most of all, discover what happiness is in purest form:
The sun on your hair,
Fingers aching after playing guitar for too long,
Understanding a language more foreign than you know,
And a smile from a stranger.
All of this for what?
To know the world just a little bit better
And find a home outside of your comfort.

This is about the state of heart,
Like when I feel Koi No Yokan and I just know that this is real.
Perhaps it will last this time?
In the past, I have experienced nothing but Saudade and La Douleur Exquise.
Unrequited love? That doesn't even get to the heart of it.
Every time I see him, it's as if I'm experiencing Retrouvailles all over again.
Finally, I, the Ilunga, gave up, but something about this time
Makes me incredibly willing
To let pain through my doors again.
Is it love?
Is it lust?
All I really want is for a Cafuné
And butterflies from our Mamihlapinatapei when I desperately want to kiss him.
Maybe it was a Yuanfen
Or God's intervention.
Maybe one day I will tell him, "Ya'aburnee"
Or perhaps one day he will tell that to me.
All I really know, is that this euphoria is explained through one simple word:
Forelsket.

Although sometimes we shatter due to happiness,
I have experienced the shatter, the slow fall apart, and the explosion.
The difference?
Shattering makes you feel as if you are in millions of pieces,
Lying on the cold linoleum floor
And feeling the difference between the air and the ground:
Burning humidity that a hand could cut through
And pure ice like when you involuntarily shiver despite being wrapped in a blanket.
You actually have the opportunity to be put back together and look like new.
Slowly falling apart takes time
And hurts the most, and makes happiness last the longest.
It stings for hours, leaving you smiling long after whatever happened,
Happened.
You actually can pick up yourself as you fall apart to be fixed and become anew.
Exploding is imminent:
You know it's coming, but not when
and then you are plastered against the wall,
No hope of being pieced together and scattered all throughout the room:
Your being so broken and destroyed that no one finds you recognizable.
Pain may be like this, but happiness is even more so like shattering, falling apart, or exploding.
And when your heart does one of those three,
Your brain protests in its loudest voice,
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THE END!
NO BODY EVER ENDS UP HAPPY!"
But your heart doesn't care
Because being happy for a short amount of time is much more worthwhile
Than being stone cold forever.