I write you poems when I'm high and I sing you songs when I'm sober. I listen to heartbreak when I'm low and watch the leaves fall in October. I read great books when I'm alone and I take warm baths when I'm wholesome. I take long naps when I'm anxious and short walks when I feel numb.

second-hand smoke makes me sick
but I've always got a cigarette in hand
Egyptian tiles line the walls of my brain
thick mud holding down the structure that is diminishing
makeup smears across my face
small sayings line my eyelids
like heavy lashes peeling off
my thoughts fall apart
just as I do
without the attention

don't **** other men
don't let them *******

don't love another man
but let that man love you

don't dream for another girl
don't let them dream you

don't smell the scent of another heartbreak
don't let that take you

I want to love a radical chick
with brightly colored hair and tattoos on her arms
piercings under her skin and
doc martins stomping on the ground
smoking **** and dancing
in dark open fields
playfully doing somersaults
falling on her ***
and holding me under her arm
never without her beanie
or her sarcastically loving tone
I want a radical girl to call my own

I miss you today
when I'm struggling to parallel park
when I'm thinking of new tattoo ideas
when I get frustrated searching

for a lighter in my purse
or with my mother
or with the distance

when I spill giant cups of soda every where
and when I put on lingerie to enjoy by myself
I miss you that day, too

when I feel fragile and I paint sad things on my walls
when I cry in the darkness of my bath tub
with scalding water raining down on my fresh flesh

I miss you then as well