i used to sleep.
i used to dream of things.
i used to smile.
a smile that i meant once in a while.
now i've got this habit.
of painting emotions on my face.
to shield nieve ignorant eyes
from the mess that life has made of me
so i've made it so no one can see...

Behind these walls, that i've built here, i have found a place to hide.
i have broken down barriers before, so i know just how to do this right.
so i've put up these fences to protect myself from the stones i've seen you throw.
this is the only way i know how to let you go.

i used to breathe
i used to exhale.
even if you find me here.
you'll never catch me alive.
i used to want to love.
i wanted to love you with all the love i have inside myself.
but you've made me want to bottle it up and throw it away where no one can find it so.

I always say that this is the last time. and then i let you walk right  in. just to watch you let me fall. i don't have a safety net. i don't have another chance. you're going to break me down to nothing if i dont stand up and do something

i keep things vague and blurry so you can't see past these walls.
but the chemistry brewing may demolish this, and the barriers will fall.
i dont know how to be when you're around and its painful to think about it so hard.
i watch everything so closely, analyze it to the core. for every second spent together i dream of a half a million more...

Just give me something, give me anything at all. I'll drop everything and i'll be here. All i want is to be here but i want to be wanted, it's all i can hope. Just give me something and i wont even think to go.

i don't sleep very often.
but i dream all the time.
like a clinging infection,
you've latched on to my mind.
and i don't know how to break you.
you're a habit that's just so familiar.
i've never been one for addictions
until you waltzed your way into the picture.

--All this time i've been on my hands and knees praying for you to set me free so i could operate on my own again. little did i know that you were never holding on and all i have to do is let go to move on. It's all i have to do, it's all i have to do. i havent done it yet maybe because id on't know that i want to.

-i don't cry very often,
but i'm sad all the time.
happiness is such a simple disguise.
and everything keeps changing every time i blink by eyes.
and i know i can't just make time stop, everything changes in time.
but i just want to put a hold on everything so i can hold your hand for one more moment before something changes that pushes you away.

-this moment here is right. i can look into your eyes and know that i have someone who knows me the way i want someone to know me. all the bad and all the good. you know it all and you understood. how can i live knowing that tomorrow i could be the only one who knows myself again.

all your hello's turn into goodbye's.
even my good days are not on my side.
and my horoscope tells me to be strong and fight.
but the thought of you keeps me awake all night.
why can't something so strong be reciprocated.
it's always the same problem and i hate it, i hate it.
but somehow you always convince me you might come around this time.

and i try to distance myself, but i only move in closer.
the closer i am to you the safer i feel.

Even when i stop thinking about you, i know it's only temporary. i pretend that i've forgotten you until you flood my memory. & i hate myself for this dependent person you have made me become. I can say that i'm over this, promise myself that its done, but though my brain is convincing my heart knows we've only begun.

you stop and take moments to look in my eyes.
you know when i'm hiding behind my smiling disguise.
you see right through me, like i'm always so vulnerable.
but you never fail to make me feel like i'm going to be alright.
but that's just the good days until i fall asleep at night

then i try to distance myself, but im a rollercoaster,
the ups and downs make me sick at the end of the day.

so stop right there, do not make a sound.
i don't want your voice to invade my ears tonight.
maybe if i fled this lingering town,
id have some hope for sleep tonight.

my hands and knees have weakened in time,
from crawling and crawling til i feel alive again...
sleep doesn't come easy, and days are routine,
you're the roller coaster craziness, the only, ****, thing.

pre- i feel like i'm just treading water. walking in place, in this race with everyone else. watch me fail or conquer. either way i have to either lose or prevail.

chorus-so don't hold my hand this time. the fires are everywhere, but i've been hiding for too long. if this risk i take burns through my bones, at least i know i did this, and did it alone.

why do i compare myself to all the wrong people?
what will it take to be strong?
lessons are everywhere, but they all contradict another,
and people don't change, at least not for the better.
and i've learned that all i have to trust is my own heart and soul.

sometimes i just want someone to cry to.
but i know all they'll tell me is what i want to hear.
why cant people just be reliable? give it to me like it is, don't fake it don't fake this.
all i want is honesty, but can you give me anything real?

i'm usually the girl that writes the sad songs.
but somethings evolved that changed the way i feel inside.
i feel like i've finally made a decision at the crossroads.
and you weren't the influence that made me decide.
i feel like we've been attached for much too long.
every move i made i looked at you for your approval every time.
then i learned that i was stronger than i had even imagined.
and i learned the power of my own mind.

so finally i can say the words i'm okay,
I'm much more decisive than i thought i'd ever be.
and i can do anything i want to without feeling any slight ounce of shame.
i didn't expect this positive change.

is this air or smoke in my lungs?
I'm just a girl, i've got guts and skin and bones.
But nothing is good enough.
even when i've worked until my strength is gone.
I fight harder than anyone i've ever known in all my life.
yet still i'm running in circles, trying to cut through steel with a knife.


i have lost my grip on anything that's ever mattered. now i can't keep hold of anything at all.
I even feel myself slipping away, the grounds escaping from under my toes.
everyone's voices are much too loud, and my walls have come down, i'm naked in front of a crowd of faces,
that see through me and so, why do i bother to put on a show?

is this all a bad bad joke?