Sticks and stones may break my bones.
But your words will forever haunt me.

The reason why she had a kind heart,

was because she knew what is was like

To fall apart.

You’ve been gone so long.

When you left, the summer heat
was impossible to beat.
Now the brown leaves are falling down and a gloomy haze
covers my days.

But I held on to the idea of you.
And even though winter was on its way,
That idea began to bloom.

I was scared of the flowers I’d have to gather,
So I pretended it did not matter.

But then you asked,
“Why do you like me?”

And then I knew, I could no longer pretend.
I knew I wanted a field of flowers.

So, I told you about my hair.

My hair was long and Auburn with my first love.
I soon grew tired of my locks and wanted the sun to shine through each strand.
He did not want my hair to change, but I spilled the light into the darkness and cut it short like my temper with him.

With my next lover, I again grew tired of my bright tresses. So I told him I thought of returning to my hazel mane. He could not rid the image from his mind and wanted nothing more than for me to change my hay colored head.

Then with you,
I still could not decide if my blonde should stay. It grew long and unruly, as I was trapped here without my prince.
So I asked you what I should do.
You told me to do as my heart pleased, and with that, my heart was eased.

Now all I do is long for the day,
that I can gather my flowers in the meadow below.
But I'm high up in my tower locked away,
Just willing my flowers to grow.

Scared and alone, for you my prince, I call.
I hope this tale was enough to save us from the fall.

Your absence has left an ache in my dizzy head.
The end of our fairytale is the only thing I dread.

I’m not okay.
I pretend it doesn’t hurt anymore,
But the truth is I just pushed it down.
The ache in my gut went numb.
But just hearing your name,
Makes my heart break all over again.
I wish this pain would stop.

I’m broken.
and I wish I could explain why.
especially to her.
but I’ll never be able to.
and I don’t know if I can live with that.

Oh darling, you didn't break my heart.

He did.

And I had to sloppily try to fit the broken pieces back together.

But when you left, my heart was still whole, with just a new crack to remind me it's not full.

Mosaic tiles
make up pieces
of my broken heart.

I long for the one
who won’t see me as a project
but as a piece of art.

The only way to survive is to see the good in the bad,
the beauty in the pain,
and the sun through the rain.

Turn a day downtown into a road trip to another country.
Listen to the music too loud.
Have a drink. Have another drink.
Let loose.
Forget about your problems holding you down.
Remember things are never as bad as they seem.
Lay down under the stars.
Listen to the water splash against the shore.
Feel the cool summer night in your bones.
Touch the smooth rocks beneath you.
Catch a glimpse of love in another’s eyes.
Drink in the moment.
Realize how small you are in the universe.
Remember things are never as bad as they seem.

You left me speechless in your wake.
So the only words that come out land on this page.
Our story lives on in a distant memory.

I feel my heart aching in my chest
as I sit by my phone
hoping to see your name light up my screen.
It was easier with him; I didn't have to worry if he'd text me back because I didn't care if he did.
I knew he wasn't worth it.
But it's hard with you.
It's hard because I feel myself falling and I know I don't have a parachute.
I will hit the ground and break into a million little pieces, just like always.
But the thing is, I did this to myself.
I jumped.
But you,
You stayed on board.

She told me I made her feel whole again,
Because of the boy that
ripped her apart
gutted her out
and skinned her to the bone.

Little did she know,
She was the one mending me.
Picking up the broken pieces I couldn’t even see.

-friendship

I wanted to self-destruct.
And since I was a ticking time bomb,
What better way than to throw myself into the fire.
I’m just waiting to explode.
The aftermath of me will only take one victim.
And I wish it was him.
But I ended up being buried alive.
The suffocation is such a habit now that
It barely takes my breath away.
I’m too cold and numb to feel anyways.

My insides are splitting me apart
like shards of glass in my heart.

How can I still paint you in a shining light?
When your wrongs can never be made right.

She tells me she felt different with him then any other boy.
That she feels empty now, but with him she felt joy.

How can I argue with that?
How can I hold her back?

This could be her second chance at forever.
I should be happy for her, however

why am I writing this at 2 AM with tears streaming down my face?

-I don’t want to lose my best friend to him; he doesn’t deserve her

You paint me in a pretty light,
Put me up on your pedestal.
But I’m going to fall.

I’m selfish and broken.
My pieces are scattered.
Most men are scared of my scars.

So see ME.
Not through me.
As the light shines through the cracks.

Talk to me.
Tell me the truth.
I can't keep living this way.
Give me some proof.

That you're still the man I knew.
The one who said, "I'm yours."
I need you to be that man.
In order to end these wars.

The silent ones were battling each day.
The ones that make me feel numb.
Without you I feel empty inside.
But your wrongs cannot be easily undone.

Things will never be the same.
You broke my heart.
I don't want us to stay this way.
You tore my life apart.

But I can't be mad at you.
I only feel sad.
I wish you'd just grow up.
And I wish that I could be mad.

I want to move on.
But you won't let me.
You live inside my head.
Because I don't believe your story.

So please just tell me why.
I'm a big girl, I can handle the truth.
You can't just use me this way.
I feel like I'm wasting my youth.

Tears…so many tears after my best friend
died. I was 17. Light brown, coarse hair from my
puppy snuggled up to me each night. Crumbs
from many late-night dinners, coupled with
doing homework until the sun peaks
through the sleepy darkness.
My mom’s old white tennis shoes, falling
apart at the seams. Bobby pins.
Snoozed alarms. Text messages I didn’t want
to say goodnight to. Screams,
from that nightmare that felt all too real.
Tears…so many tears. The nightlight I kept
on ever since then. Books. Stories. Adventures.
Gatsby’s blind love. Harry finally defeating his demons.
The matching sock I didn’t have time to find. Dust.
Lots of dust. The phone call when her grandmother died.
My wandering mind dreaming of what the future might hold. Poems,
written and read. The dizzy night I told you
“stay,” and I let you have what you
wanted. Then you told me, “I’m not ready for
a girl like you.” Tears…so many tears.
My mother’s constant disapproval of
me, and my time spent
wasted in her hazel eyes.
Countless nights I wished you
laid with me under my cold lavender sheets.
Misplaced earring backings. Baby blue nail polish dripped.
Bittersweet dreams of a future with you. My puppy’s hidden
treats that he forgot once existed. Phantoms.  
Monsters. Phone calls and Facetime’s that felt like
a moment frozen, but lasted hours. That bright pink
Homecoming dress my mother said I looked
heavy in. Tears…so many tears. Darkness. Months later when you
came back, sleeping peacefully next to me. Forgiveness. Hope.
All the boys I thought were worth my time. Love.

You.

It’s always been you.