Before it became a crush,
we were family friends.
You slipped in and out of my parent's parties.
I saw you only in passing.
We were never introduced...

...formally, that is.
The first time I saw you out of my house
was that night.
The night we first spoke.
You comforted me and
cradled me in your arms.
I was with all my best friends,
but you and I seemed to fit so perfectly.
Some say we took those first steps too quickly.
It wasn't love right away, but I was
intrigued by you and your
sense of warmth.

After nights similar to the first,
I began to think of you a lot.
If a weekend would pass without you in it,
in me,
it was incomplete.
I yearned for your touch
and the way you made my skin prickle.
My lips tingle in the thought of you now.

At the beginning, it was simply fun with you.
Innocent fun with no repercussions.
That is when I learned to love you.
I loved how you didn't have a plan or sense of direction.
You were spontaneous.
I was insecure and fragile, looking for someone,
something,
just like you.
At first, you brought out the best in me,
showed me that when we were together,
I meant something,
and I will always thank you for that.

There were times when I questioned your worth.
Some nights you would engulf me,
take everything of me,
chew me up
and spit me back out.
You never threatened me, or hurt me.
I just loved you so much that I would do anything you said.
Maybe I was angry with you in the morning,
but I always forgave you the next time we were together.
Run up to you and hug you, and you would kiss me twice on each cheek.
Like you always had.
As if nothing had happened.
Somehow promising that tonight would be better.

From that first night to now,
our love affair has been consistent.
I always want you
and your smooth touch.
And even after every time you put me down.
You're always the one to pull me back up.
I've shared so many memories with you,
dark and messy nights,
poetic and spiritual ones too.
Every time I hear your name or
know that you are near,
my eyes widen.
I bite my lip and smile.
I get shaky and anticipate your arrival.

Some people love you superficially.
They are the ones who don't easily forgive.
But you know that I will always love you.
Some will try to tear us apart,
saying that you don't love me back.
That you can't.
They've tried and lost.
Even if I don't directly receive love in return,
the way you make me feel, and act, and cry,
lets me know that you do love me.
You are the only one who can hurt me
as much as you have,
and know that I will always run back into your arms.

Laying under the stars
but I cant see them
Hold the sun in my eyes
but I don't show it
Hold the universe in my soul
but I don't unlock it

i feel *****
when i pray
for my own sake
like god's wondering
how i got so selfish- didn't
he program me better than to be
on my knees, begging the heavens
for the strength to
put down a
blade?

I'm beginning to forget the sound of your voice
But your words still echo in my head
When you pleaded with me
Pleaded and pleaded with me
At 2 in the morning
If we could just go back
If we could just go back to what we were when
Happy
We were so happy
But I told you no
That I couldn't handle it
And I was really stupid, so so stupid

Now I'm the one pleading
And you don't even listen
Or apologize
You just don't answer

I'm in the dark alone and I'm scared
While you're outside
With a padlock on the door
That keeps me chained up in your mind
And you're meeting new people
You met her
She sounds amazing

I hope she's everything to you
I hope she's everything I couldn't be for you

Echoes

Echoes in my head
They won't leave me be
I need help but I also need you
I know you're not mean
I know you're kind
I know you're an amazing girl, an amazing young woman, and you'll accomplish amazing things

But I want to be there
I want to see it
So bad, so bad...

Echoes

he wrote my life down like he was me.
he saw the tears i cried and the words i spoke and the lies i told saying
"its alright, i'm okay."
the days i hid away were the ones he would be happy,
but happiness only leaked if you were willing to accept the fact that i was broken.
he locked his eyes into mine
and i couldn't find the key,
so he opened his mouth like these words were going to come out and be my first aid kit
leading towards the light,
failure nailed into a lonely pit,
but he smiled.
the deep inhales
and heavy exhales were my life
communicated in disasters
only to be plastered by my sighs.
and the words
"no i'm just tired"
came out more than the hours i spent washed up on a winters day
without a smile or something to say so say it.
say the words like you mean,
no twisted vocabulary,
the laughs may vary,
not many people know about feelings.
though feelings lead to love
love leads to hate,
be my fate by the reason i wake up every morning.
be the sunshine that will help me ignore the closed door of family.
the scattered songs
or the long days and nights with prosperous fights with envy as my gun and no shield.
the disparity and loneliness of home only cut me down more,
the scars opened into black holes and only oblivion was taken in by them while i nodded
accepting that my black hole was only me and myself.
i only heal my wounds to hide them
i'm not hiding any more.
he wrote
"i found you."
i found me to.

Two lost souls
in each other found
but for only a moment
fleeting and cruel
for nothing in this life shall last.
Each time I am punished
for sweet folly
in which I know I am
reckless to indulge
but hope is my poison
and a high I cannot forfeit.
I trick myself to escape
regret over the walls,
once my steadfast fortress,
which I let crumble and decay
so that I wear my pain plainly
as testimony to my recklessness.
My tears fall, not only for the future I know
we no longer have chance to possess,
but also for the past:
a time in which I felt I was enough.
Maybe the flaw can be found
within my own nature,
a restlessness only a gypsy soul
will ever know
married to unwavering expectation
that the standard by which
I conduct my own action
is fair to desire in return.
All of this I think
in the dark hours
of midnight
as you sleep soundly, my love,
while alone I sleeplessly weep
with the realization of the fact
that all you will ever give me of love
is the same I've always known.