They called us survivors.
Communing with the dead,
Releasing our demons
Into the world. Our goal to liberate
The flesh from *******
And become one: body and soul.
They called us beasts of burden.
Beauty was ours in the face of destruction.
The blossom of our future planted
In a past of mud and the future is steeped
In sunshine and love. Our hearts here
In the present. Not afraid to make mistakes
For belief in second chances granted by
The warrior of forgiveness. The bane
Of our disbelief leads us to
Sacrifice,
Redemption,
Salvation,
So that we might stand alone at death
And they call us survivors.

F is for frustration
With my front right wheel
For breaking again and again.
Frustration with myself
For letting it happen
Again and again
Instead of being smart enough
To listen to the masses
Filling my ears with possible solutions.
I wait until tears threaten to spill out
And anger bubbles from within.
Frustration with this broken body
For not working the way it should
Again and again.
Frustration with this wrecked mind
For its melancholic nature
And for having more blue days
Than yellow like the sunshine
I love so much and dread
The slow disappearance of
Again and again.
Frustration at myself for
Missing the sound of your voice
And the touch of your hand
Along with the taste of your skin.
F is for frustration
Because I should be content
And I should be thankful
For this blessed life of mine
But I still cry myself to sleep
And listen to sad songs on repeat
Because I’m frustrated and sad
And afraid of change but maybe
I’m more afraid of failure.

In dark riverbeds where eternal thirst flows incessantly
You guard only darkness, my distant friend.
The night wind spins in the sky and sings.
Endowed with broken heart and fatal dreams
My pain is bound in chains, restrained.
I exist only in the cracked, dry stitches
and in the seams of the oldest tree.
Falling forever from skin into my soul
Waiting for death’s sweet song.
Surely, those soft footsteps are hers
come to carry me home, sweet oblivion.

Between brilliant explosions of brimstone
and reflective waters, searching, I climb
the ladder of the blue earth. Searching,
I call your name as my fatigued body
sinks into the darkness. Emptiness fills me
up from the inside, reaching further and further
until all that remains is a husk, beaten by the wind
and the sun, unrelenting in it’s love for us.

Welcome to where you are.
Don’t you see the stars shining above?
Slow down,
Breathe in the space between our lives.
We’ve been here before.
Me living in a future that will never be,
And you, promising to hold me tight
As you say again that you’re my friend.

That night you let loose from salty lips
That you almost kissed me,
With your arm around me,
Our bodies warm to the touch,
Heartbeats in sync,
But something stopped you.
Was it that my brother would step outside
And our secret would be no longer?
Or was it the fear that suddenly I
Wouldn’t be the only one falling from a high?

That same night on the phone
You told me I had nice *****.
Well, at least I have that going for me.
Am I the only one that’s touched you in that way?
Yes! Yes, you’re the only one
The only one who’s given me goose bumps,
Sent shivers down my spine, with just a touch.
Run your fingers down my back.
Kiss my neck,
Nibble my ears,
One more time.
Yes, you’re the only one
Who’s bitten my lips,
Caressed my soft *******,
Made me wish away my life.

Do you know that you could still have me if you wanted?
That you’re still capable of breaking me?
It’s only fear, darling.

And now that she’s back
in your life again I find myself
telling you that I’m happy
for you and her and everybody
but we both know I’m not.
I’ll play the part of the fool
while you stand there in the corner
using my heart as a child’s plaything.

The guitar notes float down
from the upstairs window.
The neighbor man has the blues
again and I realize he’s not alone.
Seven years worth of memories
make for a heavy, heavy weight.
To attach like an overgrown leech
starved only because of my own ignorance
will lead to a dark and lonely death.
I can't help but think that you find pleasure
in this game of back and forth we've been playing.
Do you know what it feels like to always be
somebody's second choice? An afterthought?